One Year NC

I have not posted on here for a while, but still visit when I can. I just wanted to encourage anyone I can that the answer really is NC. I arrived here by virtue of being driven demented by the one I call Psychodwarf, an overt abuser. Got rid of him, but fell for someone far worse. I did not recognise love-bombing, and fell for his charms, moved in with him, got rid of my own home, possessions etc only to realise too late that I could not live up to his 1950s housewife expectations. Just over a year ago, he coldly told me I was not a long term viable proposition. I was homeless as my own place was rented out. I have left out the details of his behaviour, that would be a retrograde step now and was posted at the time.

To anyone who is struggling with NC, though - I can only say that the Mods on here know their stuff. I am fortunate in that after he dumped all of my belongings at a storage unit, muttering that we could still be friends, he has not contacted me which makes it easier! He never knew whether I found a place to live and did not care. Occasionally he would send random items in the post to my sister: One slipper, a photocopy of a photograph, a reminder that my car service was due. I don't know if that constitutes a Hoover, but it got no response. I blocked him and his demonic daughter from FB and told mutual friends that I did not want to hear about him (although one slipped up, assuming I knew he moved on almost immediately). That bit hurt.

So what have I gained from NC? Peace of mind. It is still hard, thinking of when we first met, and he was so gushing, loving, attentive blah blah blah. I feel lonely now, but every day I appreciate having my own home again. I continued to rent out my home because the family were happy there and after a long spell with a friend, I rented somewhere myself. It is my haven. I am no longer monitored by a control freak 24/7. I have replaced the worry of committing domestic crimes with a sense of relief that I can be myself. The sad thing is that he fell in love with me when I was me. When I became 'not me' in order to please him, he threw me away. That is a mystery I can't solve, but despite the fact that I miss being loved by one special person, I am learning to be kinder to myself, to treat myself sometimes and because I have no desire to set foot in the dating world now (maybe not ever), I am slowly but surely thinking about what I will and won't tolerate. I see now that I lost myself in my pursuit of hanging on to him, and did not speak up when he allowed him and his daughter to treat me so cruelly.

So peace and clarity come from NC, together with the realisation that I need boundaries. It also prevents the twisting about what he is doing and thinking (for me, it is still there a little bit as I occasionally see him driving about), but I have resisted all temptation to text, email, phone etc and try to put the case for the defence one year on. This is a long, hard road, but I am determined to stay on it for my own sanity. I would rather be on my own and be myself, than be with someone else and have to BE someone else. This site and in particular a friend I made on here made sure I stayed on the path FORWARD, not the maze that it would have been if I had tried to engage him in explanations. He threw me away. End.

Good luck to all those who are wavering and struggling with NC. I hope you also find your way to peace and clarity.