All the red flags

I sit back and think about the last year and how I could devote my time, energy, and life to a complete stranger. He was this amazing man, ambitious, and caring, a wonderful father, he even took his step son from his previous marriage, from the moment we talked he captivated me with his charm. Everyone in my family including my children loved him. From friends I could never please with previous boyfriends, to an ex husband who would invite him over for beer and golfing. This man had everyone fooled. I never saw the abuse coming, and even when I was in those moments, I questioned whether or not he was actually abusing me. Over a course of a year he had convinced me that because of my previous relationships I was insecure and was holding him accountable, that because of his traveling for work I had a lack of trust and when we would argue I would always walk away feeling defeated and belittled. There even came a point when I would quit bringing up things to avoid a fight because I knew how bad it would feel once it was over, that somehow I would apologize and be sorry for even talking about his faults. I'll rewind back to the beginning though, we met, I fell in love and he found his victim, I bought a house for us to live in, away from my friends, my family, and my work so that we could be closer to his life. I still look back and wonder why I didn't run then! Not long after the house came the dogs he wanted, and the brand new cars, and the savings I had was soon depleted. Along with his need for "the new and improved version" of well everything, he had this need to prove to his ex wife (who left him) that he was so much better off without her. I'm still sure to this day she doesn't know that I footed the bill. He is high up in the corporate world, negotiating contracts for a big company, and doing a great job of pretty much BSing people all day, befriending his competition to get them to "see" it his way and make millions for the company he works for. There again was another sign of a N man who would sell his soul for a dollar. A few months in to us living together I started to catch on to lies, Not making the money he claimed, being in debt, choosing to buy lavish items instead of paying bills, stories about his ex wife that just didn't seem to add up, in one breath she's "failed" at life in the next breath he's reminiscing with her and they are buddy buddy. I started to see through all the promises that weren't kept and started to call him out on the stories that weren't adding up. That's when everything in my little wonderland came to a halt, not soon after the fighting, the degrading, the making me feel crazy, and insecure we started to go to counseling, I can still remember sitting in the room and him asking our counselor, what is the game plan to fix this, what is she (meaning me) going to do to change, How are we ever going to get past her insecurities. He even at one point was like this is a direct insult to who I am and I'm not going to validate her feelings because of that. Through this I stayed, not too long after that he made the decision that he didn't "have the strength of character" to be in a relationship with me anymore. I was crushed, it had all happened so fast that I couldn't see that he was really a N. I found out after we split up and he moved out about other women, whom he was 'good" friend with, that he had numerous relationships before me I was unaware of, that that in fact was the reason his ex wife was upset we were moving in together. I was one of many woman his son had met. I was so taken back by the rapid turn of events, by the truth, by the lack of empathy for my kids and his kids and myself, that one day everything was great and a month later it was done and over with no notice. It took me months of being numb to push through it, and as soon as I did he came back, go figure! I had numerous moments in the last few months where I've allowed him back in, and as soon as he gets the text, or the phone call, or the attention he's off again. I've filled his cup enough to go find the next one and when that doesn't work out then he's back again. I can happily say after finding this sight and months and months of therapy that it's been two weeks no contact! and I now see him for what he really is! Thank you for helping me through this time in my life, I honestly felt lost before I found this sight.