Planning my exit

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#1 Oct 17 - 1PM
pattylyn
pattylyn's picture

Planning my exit

Met my NP 10 years ago. He was already in a long term relationship, but our connection was overwhelming. We messed around, but my first red flag was right up front having to deal with money.

Before I start, in his defense...I had no boundaries! Move foward to the present, he is out of that realtionship with his ex, talked about her bad (but currently sleeping with her on the side at the moment), he had a couple more ex's since then and then he looked me up, made contact, we made connection, he asked for money and a credit card...how many more signs did I need? But I was head over heals with his charm, good looks, he was single, I wanted so much to settle down after being divorced for 17 years, two kids later, I wanted my own man. I could help him get on his feet, right? The questions arose in my head...why does this 40 year old man not have his own home, a steady job, living with relatives? Why doesn't he have any credit? Why doesn't he own his own car? What is wrong with this picture??? Threw it all out of my head cause I wanted to be in love, he said he loved me, was ready to get married (he brought it up), he even started wearing a fake wedding ring cause he was that "committed". I had my own five bedroom home, had a sports mercedes, excellent job that I loved, paid furniture, a few thousand in the bank...then the bottom fell out...after 10 months with this fool, I went bankrupt, lost my car, have no savings, bank took over our accounts because of too many overdrafts, I've had to pawn jewelry to make ends meet, cable is turned off and we have to rely on his broken down truck with no registration and no car insurance to get back and forth to work everyday.

Once the money ran out and he could no longer look good in my now repossessed car, he ignores me, I have to wait until he decides to have awful sex with me, leaves me at the house stranded every weekend why he goes and "takes care of business" til 2 in the morning. He insults me and he is always right! I can never get a word in when I try to explain what I need and what I feel. He ALWAYS flips it and says I should understand how He feels. He actually told me he cared nothing of my emotions. When I called him and asked him to come home on my birthday, after being gone all day, he called me a "bugaboo". I can't begin to tell you how ANGRY,FURIOUS,DISAPPOINTED, I am with myself. I was on the verge of a breakdown. All my hard work and savings over many years, down the toilet within months.

My NP met EVERY single characteristic in Lisa's book. He has emotionally, financially and spirtitually abused me. I became his maid (he never picks up a dish, doesn't fold a towel, will not take out the trash, waits until I literally hand him his food, even had me ironing his clothes everyday). As he is watching me do all these chores, he would just lay in the bed playing on his phone...never offered to assist, it was beneath him. Then he would criticize the way I did these things were not like the women in his family. He drives recklessly with me in the car to purposely scare me, did it just yesterday, almost hit the guard rail. I asked him why did he love me? He looked at me as if I asked him what is the formula to gravity. He couldn't give me an answer, only came up with that I had a "good heart". He ONLY talks about money, that is what excites him. He now says he is not a romantic guy, that doesn't even move or motivate him. Only money does. Mood swings are ridiculous, I never know if he is going to be fun or pissed off today. He blames everybody for his troubles. He blames the car in front of us, the co-worker he can't stand, the ex who held him behind, the aunt who made him move out, the justice system for his criminal behaviour, the job he couldn't land because he didn't pass background, they "must be looking at it wrong" he says! He claims he was the "Golden" child growing up, and his family was wondering how I ended up with him instead of all the other girls who wanted to be with him(his words)HA! I guess I was the best golden sucker! This was satan's joke on me.

Now the joke is on him, I have prayer and supportive friends. Even though we live together, I have just bought a new car he knows nothing about. I keep it parked across the street and drive it when he is off doing his "thing". I have a mailbox for my mail...(oh, he convinced me to share po box's with him so creditors couldn't find us, but he was the only one picking up the mail twice a month). I have a credit card now, a new awesome job, I make twice as much as he does and he can't stand it. He purposely gets me to work late every other day in his raggedy truck. Getting my deposit together for my own place, need out of this toxic, unloving, selfish environment and can't wait to leave him a goodbye letter.

Oct 17 - 2PM
spinning
spinning's picture

pattylyn, welcome to the

spinning

Oct 18 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
pattylyn
pattylyn's picture

Thank you Spinning. I feel

Nov 19 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
7 of mine
7 of mine's picture

I spent years questioning

Nov 10 - 2AM (Reply to #3)
vaaly26
vaaly26's picture

pattelyn