How do you know for sure?

He's 43 and I'm 40. I recently learned some things about Narcissistic personalities and that I might have been in a relationship with one, but how do you know for sure? He has most of the characteristics. 1) Never once in 4 years do I recall him ever showing empathy toward my feelings or concern I had with our relationship. 2) very deceitful and vague 3) lied more than once and cheated on me twice 4) wasn't truly a giver (didn't enjoy giving) When he did pay for an event or dining out, he later would find a way to complain about it or bring it up negatively. 5)Blamed me for most things that went wrong in our relationship because he found a way to twist it or confuse me 6) very manipulating 7) Angered suddenly if I asked him something that made him uncomfortable but I felt I needed to know for the sake of our relationship. 8) Never spoke of marriage with me even after all the times he told me he loved me that I was the perfect fit for him and he never felt such a close connection with anyone else before. 9) aggressive behavior after me seeing a bunch of girls phone numbers in his cell phone contacts (he always claimed that he didn't want to spend the time to delete them) 10) Very private 11) I always had to wait on something I wanted for the good of us i.e. getting married, living together 12) When we go places he scans the room and is very much a people watcher. 13) He never was quick to apologize for lying about something or when he cheated but instead said that I didn't understand and that he does those things out of reaction to me turning away or putting up a wall. Yes I'm guilt of that because I got so confused and so hurt at times, my gut told me to let him go that I deserve better than his weird shit. But this is the part that makes me wonder... I was the one always turning away because I didn't know how to react to some thing's I felt were so strange and I would be the one to have no contact for a couple of days until he would say something via email (because I blocked his number or wouldn't talk to him) that made me believe he might change and really love me. But that was only after getting blasted with name calling first and repeated emails about our problems were my fault and he didn't trust that I would stay around long enough. I tried to have no contact several times but always gave in :( Does that make me the narcissist because I would give him a silent treatment out of being hurt, confused and upset from his behavior? (since that is one of the characteristics)
I wanted him to change and had no idea what to do. I would tell him that what he does hurts me and I feel like I'm being used or the relationship wasn't going anywhere after 3 years of being together and him not wanting to be married.

I'm on Day 10 of NC and I hurt wondering if I'm doing the right thing by ignoring his emails. I'm afraid that if I respond like I always did in the past (never getting us anywhere but his satisfaction to know I would always be back) that it's just going to start the cycle all over again. I've been there before... That girl that tells him how much I love him and I want us together instead of living almost an hour away from each other (his choice...to move to an apartment community that is very youthful and OW opportunity everywhere) When all he can say is "I need to do some things for me right now and I don't trust that you're going to be there"
Anyway I'm sorry this was so lengthy but I'm confused and wondering if I am to blame for turning away all the times I did or am I letting go of a good guy that really loves me

I'm feeling so confused and wondering what if he isn't a narcissist but instead he is just completely oblivious to what I wanted in our relationship. Never once in 4 years did he ever really show empathy or compassion toward my feelings or anything I ever asked for. I wanted things in him and I and I look back and realize... I never got them. It was always that I had to wait or he wanted to see if we could get along better or trust that I would stay. From the very beginning of us I just knew something wasn't right about this guy. I felt it in my gut and I should have paid attention more to the red flags but I didn't, we were together off and on for 4 years.
The off again on again was me I guess because I wouldn't like the way he was treating me and I would try and talk to him about it or come to a solution and got nothing positive or loving in return to help support the relationship. Yes I'm guilty of turning my back on the relationship more than once because I stayed so confused about what was wrong with us. He seemed to love me so much in the beginning and the sex was great. I never connected with a man more than with him and he told me he felt the same. We always had fun together when things were good. After a year of us being together he decided to move to Georgia, his home town, (yes we had some small issues and a break here and there in between but we were close I felt and spent many nights up talking for hours about everything and connected on so many levels) how could he just leave to go 4 states away when he claimed he loved me so much? There was nothing I could do, he had made up his mind and left, at 2am, he started driving to GA. I was lost and devastated. Later that day as he was driving there, we were talking on the phone (half arguing because of his decision), I pleaded with him to turn around and not to go. I told him I loved him and I wanted to work on us. He refused. I shut down and I didn’t have any contact with him for 4 days. After his endless phone calls and emails trying to get through to me and wanting to talk I finally gave in and answered one of his calls. We talked a little and agreed we would keep in touch. After all I did love him and I knew I would miss him so I figured keeping contact would make me feel better at least.
The following month things were gloomy for me but I had the relationship of my daughter, family and friends to keep me happy and occupied. It came as a surprise for me when my daughter (16 at the time) decided she wanted a change and she wanted to go live with her dad 4 hours away. I was shocked and hurt but at the same time I didn’t want to stand in the way of her doing something different, making a change or building a closer relationship with her father if that was going to bring her happiness. My daughter and I were very close and I devoted my life to raising her on my own and I loved it. She told me at the time that her decision to move wasn’t anything to do with me or our relationship. After she left, I was alone for the first time in 16 years. I was missing him and now on my way to missing her more than I ever thought was possible. After 3 months had gone by him and I had decided that I would put my house up for rent and move to GA so we could be together. I packed my entire home and my life and moved to GA and I was there for a month when I realized he had been on a dating web site even though we were trying to make things work and he had cheated on me. He was heartless and defensive about the whole thing and didn't plead with me once while I packed just defended her and him the whole time.

Thank you for any advise you can give.