What is wrong with me?

Many of you may remember me. I was heavily involved with my HS sweetheart after the end of a 30-year marriage. He turned out to be a lying, cheating, cruel abusive Narcissist, nearly costing me my life after a complete year of Hell trying to gain his acceptance.

I picked up the pieces and decided to give love another chance. This time in the form of a kind, funny, wealthy retired gentleman. Very well-known and adored in my community.

We started talking online. He told me he was completely single, no women in his life. We started dating. Then I discovered there is a much younger woman in his life. He spends quite a bit of time with her, takes her out to lunch a couple of times per week, they even share a dog. Strange relationship. He claims he mentors her, they are only close friends, even though they briefly dated 5 years ago. He's 62. She's 33.

He rarely takes me out, opting to take her to events. One is coming up this Friday. He doesn't know that I'm aware of it.

I understand the writing on the wall. Obviously, there is a problem with me that makes men use me. I'm kind, giving, loving. I'd give anyone the shirt off my back. But I'm never truly wanted by the men I see. I believe he sees me for one purpose. She won't have sex with him. This is a strange, complicated relationship he shares with her. I personally think he loves her dearly, but she sees much younger men. He did admit he helps support her.

I have tried breaking up with him numerous times, but I always go back. I don't even have it in me to do another breakup. It is ridiculous. I'm considering letting the grape just wither on the vine. Become less and less available.

I'm mostly concerned that I'm a fractured, faulty person, that men detect this flaw a mile away. I have gone out with a couple of other men, but I had absolutely no interest in them.

I've been in extensive therapy, but I'm still on first base. I can't figure out my life. Sorry, just wanted to talk to someone.

JustVicki