Why is it all about you?

WOW...first off thank you for this site. I have been saying this(above) very question to my now husband since we met in Utah three years ago. I met him online.I am a personal trainer fitness model for over 4o year old women who want to become fit and confidant again. The reason I am saying that is when I met Adam I was a confidant woman...excited and happy about life. I've had a rough upbringing and found my niche in life and was ready to take on the fitness world and let people know that 28 is not the the shelf life for women.

When I met Adam he was funny, gregarious had his own home and was a banker. He wanted to meet me and flew to see me but b/c he didnt have alot of money stayed with me-something I didn't want him to do. I didn't even know him..but he became angry when I said six months on the phone is not 6 months in person. He came here after I told him absolutely no chance of having sex. Im not a kiss on the first date type of gal.I remember the first two days we had a huge fight. He was angry and pouting we were not going to have sex. Red flag number one.
He left and I didnt want to see him again. He kept calling and I was mortified I ended up going to bed with him. SO not my style. I was freaked. He then asked me to go and see him. We got along well...on the phone. I soon forgot how he was in person. Edgy, short and self centered. If I was talkign abot me he hardly looked at me, if we were talking about him he looked right at me. Over a few eyars I learned to not mention me at all.However, He made me laugh, called me sunshine. Sent me flowers. I came to visit him and withing days he was screaming in my face. After he asked me to marry him. I was stunned. I packed my bags and said take me to the airport and he through my luggage through the air and into his truck then wouldnt take me. He apologized said his mom has cancer and that is what made him like this.....blah blah blah.
So we are engaged, me living in ohio and him in Utah. Then he lost his job. I flew back and he barely talked to me as I scrubbed his house down for 10 days, paid for everything from food to paint and then yelled at me for throwing his favorite pickle knife away and again for nto having sex with him.He would just SCREAMED at me! I never met a friend or even got aquainted with his family. I met his mom which he ignored me the entire time I was there. I had to tell her we were getting married. He had never mentioned it.I found a management company to rent his house and saved him from foreclosure. He came to live with me a few months later. I absorbed all the costs on my credit cards. He found a job as a banker but soon got demoted b/c the girls were scared to ask him anything. He became angry and swore at one and he was demoted but then jumped to another job for another 20,000 added to his check. I couldnt believe someone hired him. We were now married. He yelled at me, has hit me, and has said the worst things to me that I still cannot get out of my head. I do not recognize the girl form my photo shoots anymore. He has told me I am ugly. The only reason people are friends with me is bc i have something on them. I had no idea what that meant but ..still. I hear it as if it were yesterday.I've been married only 18 months now and I have the papers drawn up..he signed them only b/c after one of our fights and the police came-he pushed me and unbeknownst to me my phone recorded it all. A nice gift in in itself.He told me I was an asshole for asking him to pay the electricity-and that he wish I would just die.He then pushed me after I said I will call 911-it hit my new iphone and it called it..walking around the police heard everything. I have 13 days until I have my own place and have about 3 months worth of savings. I just want to find peace and strength again. He thhinks if he goes to treatment I will come back. I just need his insurance right now. MY business has suffered-I am so tired. Mentally so drained. I tell people all I have done is work for him for three years. I am assuming he has ND. I know he is abusive and an ex cocaine user and user. He has 5 year sobriety. I am scared but happy that i will have a chance to feel like me again. I hope.