Lather, Rinse, Repeat- kitka's story

Have any of you seen the movie multiplicity? It pretty much sums up my relationship with my Narc, who for anonymity's sake I'll just refer to him as my Narcissistic FuckStick (NFS). In the movie Michael Keaton's character clones himself, but unwittingly clones the clones....so each new version is dumber than the previous. To the point of retardation pretty much. That's my relationship with NFS! Every time he hoovered me back in, the quality of the relationship kept getting worse.
Right now I'm 10 days NC (seriously for probably the 10th time- but this is it, folks) and I've just been trying to rehash our relationship using all of the information I've learned.

My NFS is/was AWFUL. Didn't stop me from getting obsessed though! I carried a torch for him over the last 20 years. We reconnected 2 years ago. Ugh.

NFS is a recovering heroin addict (sober 9 years)
NFS smokes pot all day long, sold it, and even had a medical marijuana rx
NFS has 2 children, 1 who he is raising (kid is 13), and 1 who he never sees or supports because the mother is crazy and got pregnant without his consent
NFS is being pursued by IRS for years of back taxes and DHS takes $ from him by he is a deadbeat dad
NFS says all of his exes are CRAZY
NFS spends $ frivolously and impulsively...but not once in 2 years did I get a card, never mind a gift!
NFS has been institutionalized at some point, diagnosed with BPD/Narc, and a pinch of bipolar, but refuses treatment because it does nothing for his brother and father
HERE'S THE BEST PART- (wait for it, wait for it....) he had a live in girlfriend! Of course he was miserable, they hadn't had sex in 2 years, they were like roommates, she was cold, miserable, Debbie downer, and he was trying to figure out how to make changes to his life so he could move out with his son.

I struggled for so long to figure out what the hell I was doing in this relationship, why I chose such an unavailable person, went to therapy, etc. I was married when we first started seeing each other, but I was on my way out. I didn't get a divorce because of NFS (although he definitely helped shorten the process) and never had any discussion of us each leaving our partners to be with each other...but he did lead me to believe that was his intention.

It has been two years of hell that has completely shredded my self esteem, stomped all over boundaries that barely existed anyway, and turned me into a volatile, paranoid crazy woman. I'm taking my heart, my mind, my strength...and I'm working on new boundaries. I'm so sick and exhausted by having that parasite in my life.

There's so much more to the story, but I'll start with that for now. I'm still processing so much and the more I read your stories I keep having these AHA! moments. My head is spinning.