steamrolled28's story

My Story

I am not even sure where to start here. I was with my ex N for 12 years. We met at work. I was a guest trainer in his class. A few weeks later we met again at a work happy hour. It was my first time out after a bad breakup. I was finally back on my feet and feeling myself. (That ex was a commitment phob but not an N.) Then in walks the N.
He came on strong and it put me off at first. I really was looking to be alone for a while. I ended up thinking about him the whole weekend after and decided maybe I was just afraid and I should put myself out there. We went out on one date and we were inseparable. The first year was a whirl wind. There were red flags though. He remained friends with exs and would see them frequently. He told me I was jealous and insecure when I would speak up. The week before we got married I found emails back and forth from one of them. I know... I should have called it off then. I was totally in love and he had made me dependent. I didn't think I could do anything anymore. I had lost myself and couldn't imagine going on alone.
When I got pregnant with my 1st child he began going out without me. After the baby was born I found him on singles sites. Yes should have left... After our second came along he became very moody and began doing less and less around the house and less for the kids.
3 years ago I noticed he friended a girl on FB that I did not know. She was all over his page commenting and liking everything. He talked about her a lot and even asked me to help her with some college work. I finally asked him to un-friend her because it was bothering me. He told me no because it would hurt her feelings!
he started staying out late - at the gym- and was always on his phone. He told me I was crazy when I questioned him. I knew I was not but was too afraid to know the truth. I was not sure I could live without him.
A few months later it all unraveled. He started acting very worried where I was at all times. I always had the kids so I had no idea why he would be questioning me. He was acting CRAZY!
It came out he had been having an affair for 4 months with the girl I had asked him to un-friend. It didn't end there because I wanted to work it out. I got us into therapy. I tried working on things. He told me he ended it with her and silly me believed that crap. He saw her and me for 9 months. I dealt with constant questioning about if I was really trying to work our or marriage when he was fing her.
In the midst of my marriage falling apart my mom was dyeing of cancer. He moved out 2 weeks before she died. He swore he just needed some space. He came to the funeral and acted as the devoted son in law and husband. he was a pallbearer. Cried like a baby! He left that night, left the kids with me while I cleared out my moms house. He had a trip planned with his guy friends. Weeks later... it came out from a mutual friend that they had gone away for a romantic weekend.
I filed for divorce that day.
That was almost 3 years ago. He still hoovers constantly. We have LC but try to be good coparents for our kids. I have learned so much on here and ignore the hoovers and tell him only info about the kids.
He tries to control when he can and is very controlling of our children.
He is my personal nightmare. I dream about him and OW constantly. I have spent lots of time lurking on here and reading. So many stories I have been able to apply to my life and I am forever grateful I was pointed to your site. For so long I was struggling feeling bad for him. Now I don't. I also don't hate him. I just cant be bothered.
Knowledge is power. One day I will be completely free. I am still trying to find myself and undo all the brainwashing he did. Working he steps and looking ahead to brighter days.