jenmintz's story

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#1 Jun 5 - 9AM
jenmintz
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jenmintz's story

The signs were there....

Hi - my name is Jen. I call my NARC DP (Drama Pat). We met 2 years ago. We were set up by a mutual friend who declined to tell me all the issues she knew he possessed while she nannied his 4 kids years prior. His ex wife left him after 19 years of marriage. He was a stay at home dad and when we met, he was receiving close to 6k a month in alimony and child support. In essence, he was another dependent for his wife to support and she was making a ton of money. Red flags: no drive, happy to be financially supported.

About 3 weeks into the relationship, things were amazing. He was sweet, attentive, communicative, all over me to the point where I was pulling away but he was telling me to let my guard down. I did but at a BBQ a few days later, his cousins were giving me grief about my lack of desire to go out dancing. I said it isn't my thing but I would be happy to and I'm the kind of person who can have fun even if I am just watching other people! They became relentless and I said listen, my ex husband was a phenomenal dancer and I would go out with him and his mom and we'd have a blast. Well, they took the word "phenomenal" and made me out to seem like a demon because I paid my ex husband a compliment. Turns out DP loves to dance and he felt he was going to be compared. So, he shut down on me COMPLETELY. I said I have never seen YOU dance so I wasn't comparing. I said I was feeling attacked and I was pointing out that I can have fun in any setting. He shut down on me. I found myself chasing after HIM to prove to him I wasn't a hurtful person. That was another red flag.

We get past that after a few days of him crying about his emotionally abusive childhood and how hurtful my comment was. So, now I have to be careful not to say a good word about anything in past!!! Then, he starts to have crazy ex girlfriend issues. She's a former cop. She had stolen a spare key to his car 7 months prior. All sorts of crazy stuff. He's at my house for the weekend (because he was afraid she'd drive by his house and see a strange car and run my plates). He wakes up at 5am and is freaking out and is concerned she's found him because he thinks she put a tracking device in his car. I start to question him over and over about what he's going to do in this situation. He can't give me straight answers. He says I'm being a pain in the ass and bam! Breaks up with me on the spot. I'm asking too many questions and I need too much reassurance.

Days later he comes back around. He had met with the ex and shut that door completely. A month and a half later, he's feeling suffocated by me wanting to spend time with him (odd considering he wants me when it works for HIM!). He breaks up with me AGAIN.

Weeks later, he comes back around. He misses me. He doesn't want to be withoug me but isn't ready for a relationship. We become friends with benefits. Months go by, we spend every other weekend together (we both have our kids the same weekends). So, it's almost as if we are in a relationship without actually calling it that. Then a few months later, he comes over for pizza with my daughter and he tells me he loves me.

A few weeks go by, I'm helping him with his resume. I go over to his laptop and I see he's logged into a match.com profile. He says it isn't active. I said, you're logged into it!!! He claims the crazy ex was a hacker and she created a fake account. Blah blah blah. He gets on his hands and knees and says I wouldn't be here having dinner with you and your daughter if I didn't want to be with you. Then I pull back for a few days and he says, if you're going to start wanting proof of my every move this won't work. Ummmm, shouldn't he WANT to prove himself trustworthy?

We spend the holidays together. Ups and downs along the way. Emotionally a roller coaster. We get into a committed relationship. Then he starts antagonizing my daughter. She was 7 at the time. She was clinging to me when he and I were leaving for a 30 mile bike ride. She was staying with my mom for the day. She is worried I'm not going to be ok. Instead of making her feel better, he says "mommy can't have her cell phone on during the ride". I was looking for him to say he wouldn't let anything happen to me. Later that night, she reacts to him poorly and goes crying into her bedroom. He leaves and says our relationship won't work if your daughter doesn't like me. Ummmm, you're the adult. Stop walking away when she gets up. We agree he needs to talk to her to put her mind at ease. She feels threatened by him. Fast forward 8 months, he still doesn't have a conversation with her to put her mind at ease.

At the 18 month mark, we had already had amazing vacations, lots of great times, but little family integration. He keeps getting cold feet when it comes to the kids and integrating them. It's literally an emotional roller coaster ride. All along, I've built a friendship with his BFF's girlfriend. She's telling me that he is telling his BFF that he isn't sure he wants to have a future with someone with a young child (at this point my daughter is 8). WTF? He finally tells me this after a year together? So, one day I get a call from his BFF's girlfriend telling me he has sent a woman flowers (it wasn't me). I break up with him and 10 days later he tells me it was a trick to catch me talking to the BFF's girlfriend.

That was months ago. I'm still confused. What's the truth? Why is he still telling me he MAY want to get back together? Why can't I move on?

This is torture.

Jun 9 - 12PM
murphyagnes (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Playing the Field

Jun 5 - 9PM
Portia
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What are you committed to?

Jun 5 - 6PM
Journey
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Jenmintz, wow, please stop

Journey on...

Jun 5 - 10AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Ewww.. Clearly it's worth 6k

Jun 5 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
jenmintz
jenmintz's picture

Thanks!!!

Jun 5 - 10AM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

You can't imagine yourself