juniper's story

No light at the end of the tunnel

When I first met my narc he was the life of the party, extremely handsome and so much fun. We began dating immediately. After a short while, he started being a jerk and we kind of stopped seeing each other. He was kind of non-committal in the beginning but i just thought it was because we were only dating. But he then started dating someone else and I was hurt. It didnt last long and he came back to me. We dated seriously for about 6-7 years then and I thought everything was perfect. He was fun, sweet, he was so generous and his gifts were so thoughtful. I had flowers for every birthday, anniversary etc. and we were together all the time. Then he started working late and going away for the weekend to play golf w his buddies (so he said and I believed). Then he started to say he was confused and wasn't ready to take our relationship to the next level. So, we broke up. He continued to call me, but we weren't back together and I was confused. So, I went to his house one night and realized he was with another girl. I was devastated. He told me they had more in common but he was still confused. The girl started crank calling me. He had us both hanging. Then just when I was starting to get over him, he showed up at my house with love letters and apologies and he convinced me that now he knew for sure I was who he wanted to be with forever. So we got back together but dated another 2 years so that I could rebuild my trust. We then got engaged. His proposal was romantic and I thought so sincere. Then we got married and had the most amazing wedding. Things were good, we moved into a beautiful home and appeared to have the most perfect life. The problem was, he did whatever he wanted to do whenever he wanted to do it with total disregard for me. He went on trips with the guys, spent money on every whim. Hot tub, new cars etc. Guys night out drinking, treating everyone. Our financial situation worsened and I hit an all time low when we tried to refinance our mortgage and I learned he had huge credit card debt. I almost walked out on him then, but we fought and he said he would fix it. He had an amazing job that paid extremely well so I accepted it as I had accepted all his other crap. I never felt like I had a choice. We would fight about it, get no where and then it was accept it and move on or divorce him. So I accepted it. About 6 months ago, he started to talk about quitting his amazing 24 year career to start his own business. Since we had no savings account, I was extremely worried about how we were going to pay our huge mortgage since I don't make enough money and we had nothing to fall back on. He wasn't worried at all and clearly had his mind made up with total disregard for how it was going to effect me. 3 months later he did quit. About 2 weeks after he quit his job, he quit me. He woke up one day and said I don't want to be responsible for you, this house, any of it. I want to be left alone. You are not my priority, my business is. He then said he didn't want to be married anymore, that we were broken and couldn't be fixed. He started going out with a bunch of younger guys drinking every night. I finally demanded that he leave and he did on April 22nd. And just like that I was devalued and discarded. I have been with him about 22 years total and just like that he walked out of my life leaving me in this huge house alone. He refuses to help since he claims I threw him out and now he won't even respond to an email or text. I was completely blind sided. I have since filed for divorce and my house is on the market. The attorneys and realtor are in touch with him but he cares nothing about me or my family, our friends, our pets, our home, nothing. It's like we never even existed. I am devastated and he's quite simply moved on. I am in therapy and have learned he is a true narcissist. Now I am 46 trying to rebuild my life. I've never felt so lost, sad and mad at the same time. It's so humiliating that he can walk out and other people don't realize the way he left his job, me and our life all at once is not something a normal person would do. I want the world to know he is not normal! I've had no contact but am dreading the upcoming weeks knowing between the sale of the house and the divorce I will have to see him. I'm scared I'm going to fall apart or be taken back to the black hole I've been trying to claw my way out of. Has anyone been through this? I see no light at the end of the tunnel!