My vicious narc mother.

I have a lot of recovery from this nonsense of the psychopaths.
I am consciously examining the wounds so that I can really heal.
I don't want to carry around the pain.

My mother.
My mother who sided ultimately with my psychopathic exhusband.
The same mother who made death threats against him.
The same exhusband who made death threats against her.
My mother who apparently talked trash about me all during my marriage -- talking trash about me to my sociopathic exhusband.
I was their pingpong ball. Back and forth I was tossed.

I'm so glad I'm out.

But here's what I realize TODAY. Today for the first time.
I REALIZE HOW MUCH SHE HATES ME. Hatred. She HATES.
She hates everyone. She hates herself and she hates me.
She effectively sabotaged the custody evaluation that exhusband insisted upon. She lied like crazy about me. She made me sound insane, incompetent horrible etc.
I listened to her rail against my husband all through the marriage. How horrible drunk pathetic etc. I couldn't get her to shut up about him.

The custody evaluator didn't hear any of THAT talk from her. Just hate talk about ME.
Her daughter.

I bent over backwards to make sure my child had a good relationship with her grandma. I went out of my way. Sleepovers. Lots of time. Meals. Invitations.

I don't know how much of the custody evaluation influenced the outcome of the custody settlement. It made my fight much harder and much more expensive, and incredibly painful.

I do know that my exhusband has started REALLY farming out my kid lately. (we knew that would happen, because he was NEVER around during the marriage -- just became 'super dad' for the fight) Like, 1/2 of the time he has child, child is cared for by other people. I'm sitting here, missing my kid, my kid is missing me. My kid wants to be with me. Exhusband has GUESS WHO???? MY MOTHER caring for my kid! Oh how delightful!

I'm clear how much my mother hates me. She tortures my kid with gossip about everyone, and about me. What a delight.
Vicious, hateful woman.
So, I'm clear about that.
See? This is why empathy is misplaced. I felt sorry for her. I should not.
SHE HATES ME.

The silver lining here is that I AM CLEAR about it. Because, she hated me for YEARS, I just didn't KNOW it.