6 months NC!!

Wow I can't believe it's been over 6 months NC!

Thank you thank you to all the wonderful people and mods on this forum!

Here's a quick update of what's been going on and I know everyone is different, but this is where I'm at, and I've been doing the work!!!

So this is my life now...

I work and sleep a lot, and still read, but not only about NDP anymore. I go out with friends and family and look forward to events and planning things. I look in the mirror sometimes and think, wow, you look pretty damn good today! I never used to feel that way about myself. I workout and eat well. Sometimes I'm lazy and do nothing. I'm kind to myself. I still go to therapy and I'll admit, had a couple of breakdowns, but at least they were short lived ones, and I'm able to get back on my feet much quicker. It's all part of the process.

The work...

I've uncovered so many toxic family patterns, abusive friendships, and things I tolerated because for so many years I was led to believe I didn't deserve any better. I cry when I see myself writing these things because I thought I was much stronger. Moreover how can a helpless child growing up with a PD parent be strong you might ask?

Wait, correction, I am MORE than just strong, duh, I'm a F*ing survivor!

The N...

Narcopath still pops into my head every now and then, but not because I miss him, and not because I hate him.

Sometimes I remember things he said or did, and it's like an 'aha moment' of something that coincides with his disorder.

The other day I remembered something he said and ironically it brought a smile to my face.

He said, "YOU would never stay with me if you knew the real me".

Now in retrospect, I can't expect to make any sense of anything he ever said as it was all psychobabble and scrambled eggs. But I think I kind of like this statement. I'd like to think of it as a compliment actually, that deep down he knew that I wasn't a doormat & that once I caught a whiff of what he was all about that I was a strong enough character to say, 'Later'.

Eventually I did leave, and on my terms, and I am grateful for that.

I can see now that I don't need his validation, or anyone's for that matter, to tell me who I am and what I'm capable of, or strong enough to accomplish. I realized that I had the strength in me all along.

Thank you to all you beautiful souls for believing in me and encouraging me when there was a time that darkness drowned my soul from the light.

To all the newbies, stay strong and NC, you are worth having a healthy life without abuse. For some reason you have been led to believe that this is 'as good as it gonna get' or that you deserve this treatment, or that this is love because it's all you know. It is not love and so far from that, I hope you find the strength within yourselves. Thank you all for reading :)

still mending my Unbreakable heart xoxo