Does Narcissist/Sociopaths discard you because they don't know how to tell you it is over?

Does Narcissist/Sociopaths discard you because they don't know how to tell you it is over?
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I ask because my ex was malicious, contemptuous when breaking up with me. Initially he was just ignoring me, giving me the silent treatment. Whenever I would try to talk to him he would say hurtful things. I had no ides that he wanted to end the relationship until just recently when it was explained to me that he was acting like this because he wanted me to break up with him. It doesn't make any sense to me because he had plenty of opportunity to end the relationship. The most obvious was when I asked him if he wanted to break up and he got upset and proceeded to threaten me by telling me that if I mentioned a break up again, that it would be over and I can go on with my life. Isn't this confusing? When I showed up to his house, that provoked him to finally end it in the most humiliating and painful way possible. I don't understand it, because he didn't have to treat me that way to break up with me, all he had to do was say it.

Goldie's picture

NO

They discard you because something else came up and if they formally end it, they will not be able to use you as future supply.

They are not afraid to end it or at a loss for words.

They do it so that they can use you at will in the future.

You are giving him way too much credit here.

onwithmylife's picture

my

exnarc dumped me after 15 years cause I wanted more equal treatment, he tried to always dump me first out of fear I would do that to him first, he even told me as much, sick creatures.them made the absurd excuse he saw my posting on CL looking to meet new men friends.

AprilD's picture

This is par for the course

This is par for the course with these guys. The N D&D'd me for a completely ridiculous reason - over the PHONE (of course - couldn't be a man and face me in person) claimed he couldn't be in a relationship with someone who had a bad credit report and that I would prevent him from ever buying a home and prevent his son from going to college. I replied, "Well, 1st, we aren't married and our finances are not co-mingled, so even if I did have a bad credit report, which I don't, it wouldn't affect you; 2nd, I make two and a half times your salary, 3rd, I already own a big, beautiful home and you have never owned a home in your life even though you are 46-years old and live 2-bedroom apartment that you get rent-free (he provides "security" for his complex in exchange for it), and 4th, you know absolutely NOTHING about my finances or credit report, so this is all a pretext and is complete bs. If anything, my credit would help you attain those goals. What's the real story K?" He ignored my question and went on and on as if none of my responses were credible and kept saying that good finances were so important to him (suddenly) and blah, blah, blah, and in the midst of it slipped in this statement: "April, you must have noticed how I was treating you the last week or so." I said, "I certainly did, but chose to ignore your rude, cold, and callous behavior." (He desperately and ruthlessly went into full gear operation attack April mode: silent treatment, followed by rude, devaluing putdown statements, ugly faces and body language, refusing to kiss me or even let me close enough to hug him - all just one DAY after he gave me a (very) late Christmas card saying, "My Girl, Cute, Funny, and Totally Awesome, I am the Luckiest Guy in the World, love, K---- :)." But since I didn't react to his incredibly atrocious behavior, he HAD to come up with some dumb discard reason, which he based on a comment I made way in the past regarding the bad financial situation my ex-H had left me in. The point is, I did not play into his plan and he was extremely annoyed that he wasn't able to control me and my emotions and get the response he thought he would get. He tried so very hard to get me upset and crying and asking him why he was treating me so poorly (which admittedly had worked in the past), and if I did, he was ready to gaslight me and call me a crazy psycho bitch, prompting me to break up with him. I refused him that satisfaction and made HIM do it to me - though I was still devastated when he did it. I've no doubt his explanation for our "break up" is that I am a crazy, unstable, psycho bitch, because he has nothing else he can hang his hat on. I treated him FAR too well, generously, politely and always graciously, for him to find a real excuse, but I don't care one bit what he says about me now. Its all lies and anyone who really knows me and who cares about me will know that. In truth, he HAD to discard me, because he had immediate plans for that evening to play with his new source and if he didn't dump me, I would be around and he couldn't pull it off. As it is, she had called him at midnight on New Year's Eve, a scary moment for him, because she called while I was with him and he answered his phone without thinking - he managed to brush it off, but of course I knew something was going on. (He had previously described her as a "very good friend" - but as far as I know, women don't call men at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve unless she thinks she is in love with him) I hadn't yet figured out he was an N - not until after I cried for two months straight and read a lot more - but it was obvious something was going on. I also figured out later that he needed to discard me because he wanted to go over to Ireland to meet up with yet another of his new sources - his new Irish pu**Y that he was apparently sexting with behind my back - she, poor thing, who he is now mirroring, shuttling him all over her country, much of it at her expense no doubt, fulfilling his sex drive (which he gets no satisfaction from other than during the act he thinks he can control the woman by telling her when to come) hasn't yet figured out she will be toast soon enough. While we were still dating, he had me planning the trip over to Ireland on the premise he would take his son and I would take my daughter for Spring Break, all the while knowing that my daughter and I wouldn't be joining him (he had a plan to discard me before then) -- was just taking advantage of my (exceptional, I might say) travel planning skills. I was told (innocently by someone who didn't realize he had discarded me and is still on his FB site - who saw me and was surprised I wasn't also in Ireland last week) that he posted a photo of himself relaxing in a hotel lobby in Ireland reading the latest issue of a very expensive magazine that I gave him a subscription to for Christmas -- a big F.U. to me apparently - so malicious. But I don't care. (BTW, I never received a Christmas gift in return -- LOL big surprise!!!) He treated you that way because he is incredibly jealous of you. If he showed you any respect it would be like he was admitting that he isn't as good as you are. They are all the same - lying, cheating, using, abusing, manipulating control freaks who are tortured in their souls and who will never, ever, have what you have. Ever.

brinamarie's picture

Narc recipe:Idealize,

Narcopath recipe:
Idealize, devalue, discard... With a little hint of mindfuck!

Its that simple.

Brit's picture

break up

Ruby, the object of their game is to get supply. Now they will get that however they can. Good or bad, it is all supply. A typical N will always want to keep the door open so that they can test the waters with you again. Another little game of theirs is to hurt you and see what you do about it. If they hurt you a bit and you stand for it, they know they can more or less do what they want and that they have all the power. This is living in narcville playing narc games with a mad narcissist.

Brit x

rubyrage986's picture

so what you are saying is

so what you are saying is that he was trying to preserve his space in my life? I'm not even sure if he is a narcissist b/c he could be a sociopath. It has been almost a year and he hasnt even attempted to come back.

Hunter's picture

You may want to join out

You may want to join our support group .. This is all coverd in group.,

http://www.lisaescott.com/2013/04/07/why-understanding-it-often-so-diffi...

Read,Read,Read

Hunter

Goldie's picture

Yes, we will have a New

Support Group beginning shortly.

Please email or PM with your interest.

goldierocks@me.com

Groups fill FAST.

xoxoxo,
Goldie