LulaB's Story

Trying to Get Over an NP

My story begins about five months ago. I have been married for 15 years to a man who has treated me in a very cold and demeaning manner. We have separated multiple times, with me always coming back after he makes promises to treat me better. I am now 46 years old, and getting out in the dating world scares me worse than getting divorced does. I have been depressed for the past two years, which is no excuse for what comes next.

Five months ago, my best friend lost her aunt. While visiting her for the funeral, we had dinner and a late night of kareoke and drinking with her cousin. Before I knew it, I ended up having a very intimate one on one conversation with him. He told me over and over how pretty he thought I was and how much he loved talking to me. Against my better judgement, I ended up staying with him that night. We listened to music and he even cried about losing his mother. I stayed over, but nothing happened (slept in my clothes next to him) however, he continued to text me and call me over the next few weeks until my next visit to see my friend.

During this visit, I did end up staying with him again and we became intimate. He continued to call and text me over the next three months. He would make all kinds of suggestions that I leave my husband and move in with him. Then his texts and calls just stopped abruptly. I couldn't understand why and made many attempts to reach him with no response. Three weeks later after I made zero attempt at contacting him, he starts texting and calling again. His excuse was that he had been busy. May I add that he has a trust fund and holds no job.

Here is where my fun really begins. He flies me up to see him while my husband is away. While I am there, he shows me pictures of a younger lady (34) who he calls the "smoking hot young thing". He tells me she lives nine hours away but that she is very interested in him. He also shows me a text she sends him while I am laying right next to him. I was devastated, needless to say. He also shows me a picture on his facebook of his ex-girlfriend who he calls a psycho and a stalker. So here were my major red flags:
*has been married twice/the longest only lasting 7 years.
he claims to be in love with the second wife who I know left him because he was drinking.
*he sleeps until noon or one o'clock each day
*drinks heavily and takes prescription meds and has even told me he was addicted to pain killers at one point/smokes two packs a day.
*has a very high opinion of himself, letting me know how "wanted" he is by other women.
*inconsistent in his texts/calls/sometimes goes weeks without contacting me.
*claims he really likes me, but then acts completely different.

And just when I think I am moving forward (after I convince myself that life with him would be ten times worse than my current situation), he starts his texting again acting very interested. This roller coaster ride has left me depressed and feeling horrible about myself; yet, I still cannot get him off my mind. It is an awful feeling. I lay in bed at night next to my husband thinking of this NP and cannot understand why or how I allowed myself to get caught in his web. Any suggestions you can give me to break this cycle would be so much appreciated.