Breathe_Easy's Story

It's not me, it's you

This is me…
I became mixed up with my N almost 4 years ago through a workout program. I am just now sorting through all the manipulative mind games and torture that I endured. He was a “bad boy with a sensitive side.” We became friends and then it seemed to be turning into more very s-l-o-w-l-y. What I had a hard time processing was this- he seemed to want absolutely nothing to do with me romantically- so we never actually dated. We’d go out to eat and I would hang out at his house but zero physical contact other than some hand holding. He was playing some game where he’d lead me on with attention, compliments, promises, etc. but at the same time make me feel like he was completely repulsed by me physically- by saying he was “shy.” I read somewhere that a lot of times an N won’t make the first move and that they wait for you to do it. Maybe that’s it, maybe not- I don’t care. He did say every girl he dated had hit on him and not the other way around. Anyway, everyone thought he was after me- but in my mind I wasn’t good enough for him to want me. I knew he would (and had) sleep with the grossest of women, but wouldn’t come anywhere near me. Here I am – pretty, athletic, smart, young, funny etc. and I am vying for the attention of a creepy 50 year old loser. Total mind manipulation.
My first breakthrough was when I found the Baggage Reclaim site- every.single.thing made so much sense. I was part of his N harem- all these women building up a grown man. When I didn’t want to play he discarded me. I was thrilled to find out he was not only unavailable, but an N and that meant game over for me. He loses. I broke free and it feels fabulous. Knowing I would never have to compete with other girls for his attention, never have to wait for his texts and most of all never seeing his lying face ever again. I’ve been NC for 6 months- only had 1 hover and don’t expect more, at least not for a couple years. I know he will be back though, but he will get the slammed door once again. He has tons of ex’s and they all dumped him (according to him,) yet somehow he rings them up months/years later and apologizes. They accept it and then he discards them all over. Again, classic N. We're all so "special" - yea I was as special as a flea on a dog.
So I am here for support. It’s awful to fall for a N- it’s worse when you never dated them in the first place so your hurt feelings seem unjust, if that makes any sense. Especially when I look back and see that 4 years passed. 4 years of complete torture and 4 years acting a fool!