Joeygal's Story

Recovering from a Narc

Hi Ladies,
I'm finding the whole process of moving forward very emotional and mentally draining, it's been 12 weeks since ridding myself of my EX NC. I thought perhaps sharing my story, and affirming my thoughts may assist in my Path of Moving forward.

My story begins like this, 18 months ago I met my EX NC at a dinner function with mutual friends, he was exceptionally charming, saying my name constantly after every question he intently asked, I put it down to interest in me, and I was hooked,I'd been on my own for 11 years and I now had a "Man" who was interested. After two more "chance" meetings (which he had admitted he was interested and had been following my invitation's on Facebook events, we have mutual friends) the "Game" began.

The first of the warning signs were that I'd had a pre booked operation only six weeks after we met, he didn't phone to see at all how I was. When asking him,his reply was that "I wanted to take you, and as you let your sister, I was hurt".

After the second event of watching him intently flirt with a friend and opening the door for her, and letting it go for me, I confronted him once again, to which I was told that I'm imagining it, and that he's going home and doesn't have to put up with this

In the 18mths, he lived at my house for 5 nights a week, two showers per day, 3 meals per day, the occasional washing and Ironing,and only contributed three bags of
groceries and 4 Kievs per week (only in the last 6mths)After asking him to contribute to the living as I'm a single Mum and he's a Manager earning over 100K per year, he was reluctant and replied that he would have looked after me if I'd have gone to his house, once again I'm a single Mum who has full custody.
I was fortunate to have a trip to London paid for by his company, he suggested we go to Italy for the last leg of it, which I paid the airfare from London to Italy for us and $1000 spending money to which he put onto a joint visa card.

Ladies, there are a list of things that he did, I was told that I'm stubborn,and impatient,other than him I've never been told that in my 39 years of living. He stated that He'd marry me, but only when I get myself right and we become stronger.

I put up with the silent treatment regulary, paying for myself many times,which I'm not adverse too, but i was also paying to keep a fourth person now, and working full time.

I was not spoken to for a day, because a friend mentioned that she wanted to go away for a weekend, and would I be interested, no date was set. He was angry and refused to talk to me.

I was not spoken to as I mowed his 1/2 acre lawn by hand, then cut back a hedge,I'd apparently cut the hedge to short, hence I wasn't spoken to that afternoon.

I was not spoken to after being accused of flirting with a male friend, he sat next to me and was included in all the conversation.

I was phoned at work, and sent the same text messages at the same time each day.

He had no friends, I never met one person, other than his three adult children (whom I genuinly liked, regardless of the story below)and his collegues, but he's the boss and no one's going to say a bad thing about the boss in his presence.

He claims his ex Girlfriends new partner is stalking him, he waits for him outside his work and follows him home, turns off the power at his abode and pushes over potplants. When I asked him why, he claims he's jealous because he has such a good job. The radar went off in my gut, as I believe in my heart that he's lying.

I was left in London,in our hotel whilst he went out with is younger daughter who happened to be visiting London at the same time. She had insulted me at breakfast for no reason, she had never taken the time to know me, and when his Eldest phoned to say "Hello" she said to say "Hello" to myself, in which she replied : I don't know why she'd say "hello" to you for. I was told that it was a joke, and as I was upset and crying they both went out for tea, leaving me behind in the room, no phone call to see if I was ok. I admit she did apologize, he was once again angry at me for over reacting and didn't talk to me for two days.

Ladies, I was conned, that I know, I'm an intelligent woman, and I like to see the best in a bad situation, this is one that I'm struggling with.

The last straw was being lied to, I had photographic evidence that he was somewhere he claimed he wasn't, after asking him a second time, if he was there (a chance to redeem himself) he looked me straight in the eye and once again repeated that he wasn't there. After being caught and having the opportunity to think about an alibi, he said "I did it to protect you, that's all nothing less, please don't think bad of me, I'm not a bad person".

Eight weeks after I has the strength to end it for good,(I had four times in the 18 months, but I kept going back for more)I have been replaced with a new girlfriend.

In the 18 months I got to the point where I wanted to end my life, I has no self worth left, couldn't go to work as I had no energy to go on, never has that ever happened to me and I was married for 12 years prior to this relationship. I tried and tried to make him want me, to love me. The breakfast in bed every day, the gifts, the love letters, nothing could stop the sulking and silent treatment from a man 16 years my senior.

My concern for myself is why does it hurt so bad, and will I ever be able to trust again?

Thank you for taking the time out to read my story.