thatgirl's story

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#1 Feb 1 - 11AM
thatgirl
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thatgirl's story

Right in the middle of a narc nightmare

I am currently in a relationship with a man, who is very successful, good looking, charming, competitive, type A personality, romantic, and sweet. The problem is, i feel controlled and confused. We started dating 10 mths. ago, i was fresh out of a 14 yr. marriage. I knew of this man from high school, he was the good looking jock, very popular in school. He contacted me on Facebook, we talked and he invited me out for a drink. We had a great time, i felt comfortable. He invited me to his home the second date, we watched a movie and he was very nice. We continued to date and over the year we went to Bermuda, New York City, Grand Caymans, Greenbrier, etc.He wined and dined me, he is a very successful business man. The first 2 wks into our relationship, i was supposed to go to Tampa with a male friend, the narc informed me if i went he would no longer see me. So i didn't go. Another time he was having a pretty major tooth surg. i had plans the day he did it. He told me he was fine and had friends coming over to ck on him. So i went on with my plans and he guilted me and sulked on me for not being there. Other times we would fight i would be out with the girls having a drink after work, i would tick him off, because i had more then 2 and had to drive. Or i shouldn't be sitting at the bar, or i shouldn't be there past 10 o'clock. When i finally stopped hanging out with my girlfriends, he would get mad if i disagreed with him on anything, he had a problem with my friends in interracial relationships. Called them trash and i wasn't allowed to bring them around his 5 yr old son. I needed to be educated on the matter. He also has been mad at me for going to a male massage therapist. I have seen this man on a professional level for 5 yrs to keep my back from going out. I no longer see him, i have to go to a woman therapist. And my narc goes to a woman. He has broken up with me on numerous occasion to think about things, because i crossed the line. Oh another time, he had a party and a female whom i didn't know, whom my narc said was bi, grabbed my hand and pulled me to the kitchen to eat. I was cussed and accused of wanting to be with her and holding hands! grrrr I have never been with a black man or a woman, if someone else does that is their business, i don't judge. But he has the nerve to accuse me of these things and not believe me when we try to discuss it. He has the power to always explain his thoughts and actions to where i am questioning my own values. My best friend always tells me he is crazy not me. LOL He does not call me names or physically touch me. He just loses his temper and accusations fly. Completely crazy accusations. Or sometimes if he tries to hold the temper, i get the cold shoulder. This happens about every 3 wks. in between these episodes, we get along great, we have great passion, we talk, laugh, hike, travel and i get along great with his son whom he has 50% of the time. He gets along great with his ex, they communicate well. He is a great father, very complimentary and loving to his son, spends every minute he can with him. I don't feel he is trying to make me take care of him at all. Our lates arguement, yesterday, he went out of town (2 hrs away) to give a presentation, i told him i was going to my mothers. He text and asked me if i was with mom or with my girlfriend. I responded by saying i was with my mom and if i wanted to be with my friend i had no reason to lie. I asked him if he was really with other agents or a woman. He then went off saying he was just kidding, and i trust him so well he had a $700 phone bill when he went to Costa Rica without me. I told him i thought the phone calls were because we missed each other and not about trust. He also threw up the fact that i asked him where he was when i went by his work on the way home and he wasn't there. So i didn't hear from him for 3 hrs and i text asking him if he was in a meeting (10 p.m.)He said he was and didn't have a signal. He said he was having a few drinks with the guys. I asked him where he was staying, he eluded the question and said he was heading home in a few. I asked why. He said i have appts in the a.m. I asked why they would sch appts for him, knowing he was out of town. He said there you go questioning me. I hate that shit. I said its a legitimate question. He said so i can make fucking money , so we can do the shit we do. I am so tired of you governing me and checking on me. Fuck this. If you don't trust me, you don't need to marry me.
Oh, i also looked at his phone for a few months without his knowledge, to whom he texted with females he has dated in the past. Nothing horrible but flirty. I am not allowed to speak to my ex of 14 yrs. nor my best friend who is male of 30 yrs. I confronted him on this matter when i saw a text he was meeting a female the next day for lunch. He cried and explained it was just a business lunch and she didn't get long for lunch so he was meeting her near her work...blah blah I believed him.
I have a 10k beautiful diamond ring he gave me in Washington D.C. a month ago, and he wants to get married in the Caymans in July. He has told a few friends of the engagement, not his mom or sister or ex or son. I also have a indoor dog that is 12 yr old. He will not come to my house or ride in my car, because he has allergies to dogs. He wants me to find him another home, so i can come live with him and marry him in July. I love my lil dog. Can i do this?
We haven't spoken since his last text. I didn't respond. I am confused. I love this man and his son. When it is great it is great! When he is upset, my stomach churns and my nerves are tore up. He does apologize sometimes and when i finally told him i didn't want to hear another work about the bi female indident, he did finally let it go. So is this man a narc? I see compassion and empathy, I feel love, I see love for his son. Is he just a egotistical, spoiled man? Or am i in the middle of a narc nightmare?

Feb 7 - 4PM
WellRed
WellRed's picture

I will keep this

Feb 4 - 1PM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

What stands out in your story

Feb 3 - 11PM
shock and awe.some
shock and awe.some's picture

Reading your story triggered me TG

Feb 3 - 7PM
murphyagnes (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Run Girl Run

Feb 2 - 10AM
thatgirl
thatgirl's picture

good helpful article i found

Feb 2 - 10AM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

What's

Feb 2 - 7AM
Evangeline
Evangeline's picture

Please open your eyes.

Feb 2 - 4AM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

I'm wondering not how you

Feb 2 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
thatgirl
thatgirl's picture

right in the middle of a narc nightmare

Feb 2 - 7AM (Reply to #10)
indifferent
indifferent's picture

Course you're scared...

Feb 1 - 7PM
thatgirl
thatgirl's picture

right in the middle of a narc nightmare

Feb 1 - 6PM
thatgirl
thatgirl's picture

right in the middle of a narc nightmare

Feb 1 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
thenewjane
thenewjane's picture

I wonder what would happen if you asked for time

Feb 1 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hi, thatgirl, and welcome

spinning

Feb 1 - 12PM
Garden
Garden's picture

He is controlling you. He

Feb 1 - 12PM
round3
round3's picture

Welcome ThatGirl!

Feb 1 - 12PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

He will change. It will get