Ali15's Story
Ali15's Story
So confused
We were childhood sweethearts even then I knew he was a little crazy and a bad lad, but as teenagers do that's exciting. Our relationship didn't last long and we went our separate ways.
Until 7 years ago when he turned up again, we saw each other as friends and though he had several relationships and been married 3 times, I thought he'd turned out quite nice and pretty sensible. Just over 3 years ago he broke up with his ex wife (20 years younger) we were now in our 50's. I was in a relationship with a nice guy, but the intimate side of things was bad well non existent.
He asked me out, my head said 'stay clear' my heart said 'go for it' he was wonderful, so kind so caring. He told me he'd always loved me and when we made love, I felt so safe as though I'd been waiting for him all my life. We were married within months, the day was a dream, we chose everything ourselves, the vows, the music, the flowers everything had a beautiful meaning.
There were times when he was jealous, but I put that down to his insecurity, after all his ex had cheated on him. He told me he loved me so much, he was scared he'd lose me and I understood that, as I felt it was too good to be true. I adored him, the boy and now the man.
.if he didn't get his own way he would sulk, the worse thing was the silent treatment, just silly words would have him not speaking, not answering his phone for hours and hours, I'd be frantic not knowing where he was.
Then he wanted to move 400 miles away, and said he go with or without me. I came and things deteriorated from there, he pushed me further away, sometimes he'd be like the old J loving and caring, but other times he would be callous and scathing, I felt I meant nothing.
The house had to be decorated how he wanted, despite him having no furniture just a car load of boxes and of course it was my fault that we couldn't buy new.
He hated me to put any weight on, infact he said he'd leave me if I did, I'm a size 6 and 5ft 6in.
He wanted to try sex positions that hurt me and fell out with me for days for not agreeing.
All the things he seemed to want early days, appeared to have changed and no matter how many times I said 'I'm sorry' ill change, it didn't seem enough. He just kept highering the goal post.
He left 9months ago, he said there was no one else, but when we got back, he tried knew sex positions and changed his diet, just seemed odd.
We've got back together and he's left now heaven knows how many times.
Each time I've known he won't change back to the good guy, but each time I've hoped he would.
Mentally I've be beaten, this took its toll physically, he was quick to tell me it had a disappointing effect on our sex life.
I loved him so much,
I saw this site and so many things are similar, the lies, manipulation,silent treatment, secrecy,lack of empathy. I pray that if narcissim is an illness he'll recognise it and do something about it.
But for my own sake I've let him go, I hate the thought that he'll see himself for what he is and someone else will get the good J, but from what I've read it's not likely. So I'm looking after me now.
Do you think he's a narc?
Thanks for being here for me
It will never happen...
Confused
Doesn't get better..
Craziness
Ali