slammed's story

Eggshells

Totally slammed and still recovering. My high school sweetheart and I got back together after many years apart. we were living high to everyone on the outside. Inside our home and our lives was a mess. I was a strong, fun motivated person and all of a sudden I couldnt do anything right. If something was broken and I fixed it then "I am too independent" or if I didnt fix it then "I was lazy". When he needed money to finance a new venture I would supply the funds but then I would be a "cruel, manipuating person for trying to pay back the money. If we took a vacation he would be so excited and enthusiastic to go but when we got there he acted as if it was a disruption to his day. I could never win...ever...EVER! I walked on eggshells every day. I could never predict his mood even if we spoke 2 hours earlier and he was happy. Everything was always my fault and I mean everything. All of a sudden I started to notice him looking at himself in the mirror and complimenting himself constantly on how good looking he is. If we were out and s woman glanced over and looked at him then he would talk about it for minutes on end at how much this woman wanted him. It was so odd to me at the time. Some days were so great and I felt so loved and other days I felt like I was a burden to him. I tried everything. If I acted (or actually was busy) he couldnt care less and if I had a delicious dinner waiting he would look at it...eat it..and say nothing. If I didnt cook then I was not a good homemaker. If I went to a game of his he wouldnt come over to me but if I didnt show up then I was unsupportive. If we went to a party he would leave me to mingle by myself and if I came around him he would say I was acting needy. Other days he was laughing, funny and so so charming. Anyway one day after we just had a great fun filled weekend and I was in happy mode he texted me (we were together for 8 years) and said he wasnt coming home...and he never did. No phone calls...nothing. Didnt show up for my daughter for Christmas, her birthday, Vslentines Day, Easter, Her recital, ...NOTHING. No apology, no respect of our 30 year relationship, no money to pay the debt, no remorse, no connection to anything, no nothing at all. GONE! he left me with huge HUGE debt, not one single cent and bills of his new business venture that didnt work out in my lap. He shed all responsibility and cruised. He left me an emotional wreck, abandoned, financially ruined and me questioning everything about myself. Turns out within a month He quickly moved into the house of his new girlfriend who he was obviously with before he left me and is driving her brand new car $50k around town and from the outside they appear to be living well.. sound familiar. I have been on dates but no one to speak of...I still imagine what could have been almost obsessively and as I write this I see that it sounds pathetic. I have dedicated myself to my baby girl and am enjoying her grow and at least Im not a wreck and confused and anxious around her like I was when he was around. Now a year later I get a random phone call that he had a dream about me and if I was curious about it. He said there wasnt any talking but it was a great dream. I hung up on him but hes tried to make contact again. Now he wants to see my daughter. He's crawling around dropping little signs putting some feelers out and im scared!!!