moving on finally's story

I am getting real!

I have been reading the posts for a few days now and procrastinating on writing my story, but here it goes. I have known this man for 14 yrs. We met when we were both freshly divorced. He was in town to "visit" an acquaintance whose husband had recently passed. Understandably, she was an emotional wreck and she pushed hard for marriage. He ran from her but not before making his interest in me known. We stayed in touch long distance and I misinterpreted his expressions of jealousy as caring for me. I moved to his area and we were always off again/on again. He could never commit but he could never stay away for long. I chalked it up to the crazy erratic behavior divorced people often exhibit. But deep down inside I knew he was more messed up than the average divorced person.
He remarried his ex wife "for the kids". They divorced several yrs later. Both times she divorced him and had a lover outside the marriage. Post divorce and financial hardships, he continued to stay in touch. I was one of 2 people he could call a friend (his words).
In the last year I discuss that we are living the definition of insanity and tell him emphatically this is the last ditch effort, ie either we give this 100% and see if it works or we end it. He continues to say he has the best of "intentions" for me and wants a normal relationship. However, nothing really changed. He claimed he had to "make a decision" about whether to move for his career or not. I asked him if there was someone else and he said "no, nothing like that". I decide to stop contact after he let me think he was moving away. 6 months after NC, he texts me that he is really drunk but wants to see me. I ignore the text, although it caused me enough of a "relapse" that I check his facebook about 2 weeks after getting the text. There he is with his "new family" and of course, he never moved. She has 4 children and he had been friends with her and her now deceased husband when he was married (both times). Of interest, N has 2 biological children. One he seemed to have a normal love for, the other he didn't, calling her a fat, lazy bitch more than once.
I have read in It's All About HIm, that a N would rather have the admiration of many, versus the love of one. And I have also read that one should never wonder what she has that I don't have. But I can't help thinking that way even though my non-emotional brain knows that I have been spared a bad marriage (if it had happened). My sarcastic side says "good luck with that...4 kids added to the mix and you can't even love the 2 you created". The facebook pics show her holding onto his arm with both hands and he has a forced smile and looks like a deer in headlights. I guess this idea of writing out your feelings works, because I am smiling as I write that last part!
I would love to hear from others that have similar stories. Is this the way it works with a N when their victim starts to get real and call their bluff, they move onto the next NS? I struggle with why he decided to marry her vs string her along? I wouldn't put it past him to marry for money, and insurance benefits may play a role. Good luck to all who have been in the grips of a N and thanks for your support.