truthplease's story

Long Distance Relationship...wanted to get married, then disappeared in a flash!

Can anyone help me with advice please...I'm so confused...
I met my ex boyfriend online, it was long distance (he was in New York and I was in California) so we started talking on the phone. He told me in our first conversation that he had moved to New York from Europe as a foreign medical graduate to get into a residency program. I told him I was in graduate school for the next two years. He told me that if we are going to continue talking that I need to agree that I will have to move to New York after I finish graduate school for a few years until he is done with residency then we can come back to California since that is where my family is. I hesitated at first but then told him I would do it if we liked each other, and he said good because that is what love is about so he doesn’t want to start anything with anyone who isn’t willing to make that move.

Things started off very fast on the phone he was talking about marriage and having kids with me in the first two weeks saying I would make the perfect wife for him. He immediately added me on facebook and he told me after looking through all my stuff that I was one of the most beautiful women he had ever met and that he was very picky when it came to women and he said all his exes were also good looking too so he had a good taste. He was texting me from 5am in the morning with hearts and I am falling in love with you, beautiful, etc. all the way to night time when I came home from work/school and we would talk for hours till 1-2am most nights. He would constantly ask me “Do you know how beautiful you are? Do you know how much I like you? “ And I started questioning him about how he could tell me all that stuff and talk about marrying me before he met me? He said that I should trust him and that he could read people really well and already knows a lot about me before meeting me from our hours of phone conversations. I was hesitant but because he made me feel so amazing and was promising me marriage and children two things I really wanted to brush aside my hesitation and accept that I got lucky and this guy is amazing.
He flew out to California for 3 days to meet me and brought chocolates for my mom too and spent the day with my mom and I (because she wanted to meet him). We had an amazing time. He started asking me where I wanted to live and what kind of ring I wanted. So I told him and he said he was going to buy a house in the city that I wanted and started asking if 2-3 million would be enough to buy a house in that neighborhood. I told him to stop bsing me and he told me “just watch you will see” I said he doesn’t know if we will even get married he said “I know we will, you just watch and see” The weekend was just amazing he had brought me gifts too expensive designer earrings and a beautiful necklace that he said he wanted to give me because it was in the shape of a heart and he wanted to be a heart surgeon. He met the rest of my family including my grandparents and got along with everyone really well. He even text me as I was sitting next to him in the middle of hanging out with my family saying “You are so beautiful and amazing. I am having a great time.” I was on top of the world thinking, wow I finally met my dream guy and my entire family loves him, how lucky am I. I never thought that would happen after all my failed relationships.

After he left Cali, we continued talking day and night and he continued with talks of marriage and our future, never letting me for a second think that he wasn’t going to be a part of my future. If I ever said “my house” or “my kid” etc he would quickly correct me and say “No sweety, OUR house, OUR kid”

He bought me tickets to fly to New York a couple weeks later and said he was going to plan the best four day date I had ever dreamed of. I got to New York and it was amazing. Every second of it was fun, we went all over the city from boating in central park to rooftop bars to hanging out in his room and laughing and having fun. He took me to fifth avenue and said he wanted to buy me a ring so we picked it out together and he bought it then took me to the top of the rock at the Rockefeller center and put the ring on my finger and said “I brought you here because I want to give you the world” He told me that he really liked me and that he was falling in love with me. I was on top of the world. He was treating me like a princess and promised to always be there for me as long as I stuck with him and that since he had been abandoned by many women in his life (including his mother who he has not spoken with for the last 4 years) he just wants to make sure I will never leave him. I told him I was starting to really like him too, even though I had resisted the first month, this was the third month and I had started to let my guard down. He bought my brother and my mom souvenirs even though I told him not too, I thought that was super sweet. At the airport when I left, we were both really sad, I shed a tear and he hugged and kissed me and said “don’t be sad I’ll come see you in a few weeks”

Once I got back from New York he slowly started getting distant, he wasn’t calling or texting as much as he used too. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had to be honest with me and that he used to have depression and take medication for it so he was just feeling down since I left, he said in a few days it would pass and that it had nothing to do with me. A week later things were the same and he was calling even less so I asked him what was really going on and he said “I don’t think this is going to work, with your school for the next two years we are going to be apart for years and I can’t do that” I was SHOCKED. I started crying and asking why he had promised me all that stuff and why he had said we were getting married and even named our kids together. He had convinced me to do long distance initially, and I had hesitated, now that I wanted too he was dropping me. He said he was sorry and that he shouldn’t have done all that stuff or met my family this last three months and that it just wasn’t going to work due to distance.

I asked him if there were any other reasons like another girl or something about me and he said no that he just can’t deal with going to the airport and me leaving him every time for the next few years and that it will be too hard on him. He said he wasn’t sure about this and that he just needed time. I sobbed myself to sleep that night.
He didn’t contact me the rest of the week. I thought maybe he was just under a lot of stress because he was applying to residency so I put together a de-stress package with a bunch of little stuff I bought for him and decided to send it to him. At the end of the week on Saturday I called him and he acted normal saying sweet stuff to me again and thanking me for buying him a gift and started talking to me like he used to again. He told me he missed me and I said I missed him too. I was so happy he was coming back around again. The next day he went back to being cold and I got confused. He started saying this won’t work again and that he didn’t want to hear my voice because it made him feel guilty and confused. I thought my last hope was to tell him that I would sacrifice and move to be with him since that is what he said he wanted from the beginning. When I told him that he blew up at me and yelled “NO NO NO, what are you thinking, that’s not what I want, this won’t work, this just won’t work, I have to go now, goodbye, goodbye” I mean it was literally like that I was taken aback and so confused , he didn’t even want what he had constantly told me he wanted in the first few months (even when I was in new york he was asking me how much I wanted to live there). We hung up and he didn’t contact me all week. At the end of the week I decided to send the gift anyway, still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt for depression/stress.
He text me back saying “this won’t work, I’m sorry” felt my heart sink to the floor like someone had just ripped it out of my chest. I tried to be strong so I said “I understand, just confirming your address for the gift I had bought you” He said “Thank you for understanding, I’ll never forget you, who knows what will happen in the future” confirmed the address and that was the end of that. A text break up :( and then saying "I'll never forget you" was he trying to keep me hoping?!!

The next week the gift arrived and I had checked online to make sure he signed for it, he had. He didn’t text, email or call me to say thank you for the gift ever. Nothing. Two days later after getting the gift he deleted me and my family from facebook. And this girl that I had seen him become friends with on facebook after I left New York and he was liking her pictures (I didn’t think anything of it at the time) I now saw that he was flirting with her and even changed his cover photo to a picture of her hometown. GET THIS: She lives in Miami and he is in New York. So it’s another long distance. He told me he broke up with me because of distance and now he’s in another long distance not even having the decency to wait a few days?!! What did she have that was better than me is what I can't stop thinking :(

I went no contact, died on the inside, and even though it was only a three month relationship ( the shortest I have ever had) it has affected me the most of any. I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down, I don’t understand what happened or how it happened. Why would he lie and promise so much only to drop me on my head when I had fallen for him. Haven’t been able to live a normal life since and it’s been two months. Does this guy sound like a Narc or a borderline?? I need help please :(.