sucked-in's story

Will I ever recover, so confused.

I am new to this, but would like to add my story in the hope that putting it all in text, will help me come to terms with what has happened.

I have known my ex Narc for 18 years, he was always a player - good looking man, and my first encounter with him was in 1994, I was 20 at the time, and got well away from him as I thought he was so weird.

We met up again in a nightclub 2001, (still good looking) he told me that he had been married and had 2 children. I thought he had changed. We developed a relationship quickly and in 2 weeks, he had a key to my house.

The relationship was a rollar coaster from the start. He didn't treat me well, but I thought that by nurturing him, providing for him, looking after him, that he would love me. He was cold and distant, told me stories of how all his exes had treated him so badly, and I believbed him, though I always felt very insecure with him. When we occasionally went out, he would point out other women he had dated. He would leave me in a pub corner and chat to other girls, prtending that he wasn't with me.

After 8 months, I was 14k in debt. I was always having to deal with other women's attention, he carried his exes (who had treated him so badly) around in his phone and I often caught him cheating, which would cause the most awful rows. He denied everything saying that they were 'just friends', and due to the debt I'd got into because of him, I stayed trying to keep the peace so that he would pay the money he owed me, which he never did.

I had a son from another relationship, which he never got on with, and often bullied and abused, again, this caused rows. The violence eventually landed him in prison, he served 2 months, and was told to stay away from me. Because he had such a hold over me, still owed me money and I felt so guilty for seeing him go to prison, he charmed me the minute he got out and I was once again hooked.

Nothing changed, the cheating was as bad as ever and his attitude towards my son continued.

Writing this down, I feel like an awful Mother, but I have got a lovely relationship with my son now.

I sold my house, and although he wasn't living with me, he continued to charm me, and I fell pregnant within 7 weeks of moving. I ended the pregnancy and grieved terribly, it really ripped my heart out and he knew this, but continued with a 'baby killing' protest with me for 12 months. I drank myself stupid a lot of the time and the house I had bought needed a lot of repairs, which was costing me money, when he realised there was nothing in the pot for him, he went 'missing' but still carried on his texts and doorstep rants about the baby. It was huniliating, he even had a tattoo about it written on his stomach, which I am sure is not 'normal'.

We went on holiday for his 40th Birthday, which was terrible, he played a game refusing to go, and it had cost me money, so he went under protest and I paid the price for 4 whole days. I was broken at the airport on the way home. I feel like I sound pathetic, but all I wanted was his approval of me, he has ripped my self-worth and self-esteem and I realise I have gone to great lengths to try and get back his love, which looking back, he dangled like a carrot and I kind of got used to his behaviour in a sense of 'better the devil you know'.

However, after falling pregnant after a night of 'forced sex', we now have an 18 month old daughter. When I wanted to end the pregnancy again, he bullied with the baby killer antics and as well as the grief for the loss, I couldn't endure that all over again. He told everybody last time I'd had a termination, my name is like mud in this town.

He had nothing to do with the pregnancy, my friends and family were great support, and she is beautiful, but now after 18 months, I have problems with the narc.

I sent him a letter 12 onths ago through a solicitor for contact, he has never challenged me about it, he has gone from woman to woman in a quest to prove to me heis God's gift and that me and baby are beneath him. On occasion, when he has needed 'supply' he has manipultaed me into meeting him and on every occasion, I get belittled, he wants to take the baby overnight, and he generally abuses and confuses me, leaving my head sppinning for weeks trying to unravel what I am supposed to have done so wrong. He has a FB account, which I have a friend who befriended him and with my own eyes, he lives in a totally different world to what he was telling me, I know now that I don't know him and for certain cannot trust a person I do not know.

I have protected my daughter from the start after what my son went through, and through legal advice, I have never let him take our daughter, his visitis total to around 15 since the day she was born mand he doesn't pay child support.

He now lives with another woman out of town, and is giving up his home at end of January. She has 2 children, 1 he says he cannot stand, I can imagine exactly how he is treating her, and he also told me that they are giving her sleeping tablets as she doesn't sleep at night, the child is 8. Huge red flags. The OW emailed me on Xmas Eve, telling me that my baby isn't his daughter and that I not to think that I am 'pulling the strings'. This led to a huge row with his Mother Boxing Day when she turned up with presents, which I refused to take and told her what had been said.

Narc plucked up the courage to turn up 4 January to explain what had happened with the OW, (she had read some old emails of ours) and that SHE wants to fill in his court papers and take me to court. He was swearing undying love, saying how often he thinks about me, that he misses me and I sucked it up. He was spinning one swtory to another, chopping and changing his mind, pacing the kitchen, acting a bit manic for want of a better word. He said that he is finally moving away to live with her (she has lots of money) and told me about the 'problem daughter'. He said that he has changed and is going to settle down, that he no longer uses dating and sex sites, then said that he nearly met another woman close to where he is moving to. Are you keeping up, because at this point, I am lost.

He said that he would return the following day to take me and our daughter out, I was gald that he didn't contact me, he simply vanished. When I had challenged him about a forwarding addrress to start court proceedings, he backtracked saying that he shouldn't have to take me to court and that we should 'get on' enough for him to come and take our daughter.

I have since dsicovered that he is still actively using his date/sex sites, so for him to ever be faithful is just a lie. I know that I should be glad to see the back of him, but he has tarnished me as a Psycho to anybody that will listen, which I think is cruel as this is only because I won't let him get his own way with our daughter. He isn;t allowed near his other children as he is a risk and him and this 'Psychotic' OW are drugging her 8 year old for peace and quiet, this is a complete red-flag.

I was raised by a Narc father, who is still cruel and abusive to me now and I am 38. Both of my parents abandoned me when they divorced, so I know in adulthood, I am terrified of rejectiona dn abandonment, so I dont pick 'good' men. I found this site after Googling Personality Disorder, which is what a Counsellor told me he had in the past. It explains everything, but from saring some of my story, and talking to people who are fully aware of what a Narc is, I want to see if I can find some answers, and some closure on the whole event. It has been such a waste of my life, I have my own home a job, a car, 2 children, good friends, but seem to be stuck in a confused fog. He has now gone NC with me for the last 4 days, HE changed his phone number and I feel likke he has disappeared off the planet, which is scary as I keep wondering if he will return.

Thank you for listening