anewlife's story

The end and a new beginning

I have been a stay-at-home mom for 24 years. During our marriage of 27 years, I have reared 4 children, home birthed, home schooled, balanced the books for "our" business and been responsible for all of the child/home/yard care.

My xh decided, 18 years ago, that he wanted to "move back home to xxx" (his hometown, across the street from his parents, brother, sister and cousins/aunts/uncles). I told him that his inability to set boundaries with "his family" was going to mean the end of our marriage.

Immediately, his mother started taking over our house, our family, everything I held dear. He started aligning himself with her, questioning everything I did with our children (which was fine, for 10 years, before we moved "back home.")

He would daily visit his parents, reminding me, "I'm going home to see mom and dad." "I'm having coffee with mom and dad at home." I would frequently remind him that his home was HERE, and not THERE, but he would, as frequently, forget.

During our marriage, I went to college ("just a community college") made the Dean's list and graduated with honors ("just a community college"), began work as a nurse ("you need a good distraction"), and reared a family of 4 children on my own ("my business keeps me very busy"). My graduation gift from nursing school was a pair of concert tickets ("I saved the best seats for my sister"). While he complained that he hated to talk on the phone, while he was traveling our conversations were limited to less than 60 minutes per month, while his conversations with his best friend and sister were 6/8 hours, consecutively.

After 27 years, I could no longer take it, and filed for divorce.

During our divorce proceedings, his lawyer ripped me to shreds, as he sat there grinning. "You have no social security earnings, because you never worked." "You are entitled to half of his retirement, but you don't deserve it." "You did nothing for his business, so you don't get anything from it." Wow, eye opening! We used the proceeds from the sale of our home, which be bought together, to purchase the business. I was the one who juggled finances and scrimped so we wouldn't go bankrupt - feeding my kids on nothing, moving money from credit card to credit card, borrowing money, using up kids college funds, seeking customers despite his never making up a price list/catalog for me to use.

My lawyer was completely worthless and xh made out like a bandit. I got stuck with a falling down house and 30 years of crap, isolated in "his hometown". He got the kids, nearly half a million in inheritance from his parents and the love of his family who always thought I was worthless, even though I spent 5 months taking care of their mother on hospice because nobody else would bother.

So, now, he continues to screw me over. He supposedly took the kids to the beach for Christmas. I made other plans for "my day" with the kids. He didn't go, they all lie about why, and now I have the kids on a day I didn't plan to have them, and quite honestly, didn't want them. They're selfish and rude and completely indoctrinated into "his family," expecting the most and best of everything. Yes, they're teenagers, but I believe even teenagers can have redeeming value.

I fluctuate between intense anger and incredible sadness. I invested heavily into creating loving, thoughtful, attached children. And now they prostitute themselves to the highest bidder. Makes me sick.