Shatteredsmiles2's Story

Still hurting and confused

I'm sorry this may be "long winded", I'm not sure where to start here but here goes.... A man came into my life in January 2010. Very quickly he introduced his children to me ( a set up on his part) where I had no choice but to meet them. As it happened we all had fabulous fun times... They put a smile back on my face after a bankruptcy I went through. He started to say he loved me and I was his soul mate very early on in the relationship. He called me sweetheart ,darling, petal and would hold my hand everywhere make me feel very special. he seemed proud to introduce me to the charity support group i ended up working for and his family too. he was very sociable and appeared to want the same out of life as i did. My initial thoughts were too good to be true but I did override those thoughts with some world wind romances do work.
I started to build a good relationship with himself and his children. I never overstepped the mark where his children and their stepmother was concerned. They asked me to go on parents eve, to which I replied have you asked your mother first.
On a few occasions up to the September I noticed he liked to play songs relating to any little disagreement we had as if he was trying to trigger a reaction from me but I dismissed this as me being silly. Also I noticed his erratic timing when we were dating which I put down to his job. He also said he taking a siesta on certain Saturday afternoons of which later I found out he had been meeting up with another women "TH"
In the September of 2010 my home tenency was due to end as the house was being put on the market. He asked if I would move in with him. It was a shock as I did not want to upset the happy relationship. After lots of convincing by him and the kids, I sat down with them all and asked the children if they were truly happy for me to move in with them. Both their replies were yeh it,l be good. So I thought I would at least try.
Within 2 weeks of me moving in I started to notice his cagyness (whist decorating a room for him and paying for it) and I did something I never did before and that was to look at his phone. Of which I found a text saying "can you get away I need a kiss and cuddle". This is when my suspicions started.
We were all due to go away to Turkey in Oct 2010.... I was replacing an ex girlfriends booking. Leading up to this time I noticed more shiftiness with his phone and decided to look into his laptop activities. The evidence I found was he had sent the same loving messages to 3 other women as he had to me. One of those women ,."DL" he said "I'm in the process of ending it with my present girlfriend( meaning me) to make a go of it with you."
Another 2 women kept contacting him through his face book , hotmail and phone and he contacted them too.
My emotions were running high and I had to confront him as I felt guilty even looking through his stuff. His reply ...was it was a bad period in his life and he found the one he loved.
We then went away emotions still affecting us and even the children were picking up on things where it was making me look like a bad person. They played their dad against me and put some salt in my drinks and tampered with my food.he was acting suspicious by disappearing on holiday, I managed to get to his phone once more and realised the evidence that he had taken the 4 women on holiday with him. His excuse was it was an old phone. There were 12 numbers in his phone the rest was his family.. It was the worst holiday of my life.
He told me I was too suspicious and if we had a future I had to give him his privacy back. That's when the walking off and disappearing started.
2weeks before Christmas I was very poorly. On Christmas Day I watched the kids open all their presents and cards.... I got nothing... It hurt. He then told me "it's as if I expected something magical".my head was everywhere. A Boxing Day was ruined but we managed to have an okay new year.
For me 2012 and 2013 should have been getting past our problems. Things got worse especially with the kids. I was left from early in the morning til midnight sometimes being a cook cleaner a councilor support taxi for his kids decorating(renovating) 2 homes for him in a home where I tried to introduce normal boundaries that had none. They ridiculed me and their father allowed it always made out I was wrong for making an issue in the first place.
I've stood and ironed for them only for them to purposely screw their clothes up in a corner. I cleaned the bathroom only for the boy to cut his pubic hairs all over but his dad . They've spat at me on a window and burped in my face and their dads and he just laughed. They have stolen from me and damaged sentimental things of mine. they have hacked my personal things ....theres just so much. They've said they hate me and their dad never stood up for me. How could they respect me if their dad don't.
I arranged social occasions for all of us only to have them ruined by all three and their step mum... I was the one who was made to look bad to have to cancel them. He would say yes then something bad would happen to stop us going.
For 3 years I've tried given everything to this family as I wanted to make sure I gave everything. I can't have children of my own so when I met them I felt it was a gift that they came my way. I've been there through everything and not had an ounce of respect.
I get the silent treatment for days and the blame for everything none of them are sorry or show any care for what I have done I feel I've wasted 3 years of my life on them.
I've managed to get out sleeping on my sister floor at the moment... No money ....broken heart ...feeling used.
I'm under an emotional abuse team who are very good. The police have been involved and I just want to move forward. He keeps telling me the house is nothing without me... You are my life....I've been under so much pressure at work....asking me if I still ,ove him... Do I still love him... Wants me to meet him in secret....he crys every night....I just want to see you smile again...I won't stop caring even if you hate me.
Then it changes he calls me a thief.... I've used him and the kids.... The kids would never lie....they put a roof over my head.... They welcomed me on their holiday.......he gave me a quality of life.... He makes out I needed him when I was doing fine before I met him.
All I know is I gave my best and left nothing for myself..... It was my choice to give so much as I wanted our relationship to work and overcome all the problems . I never had an ounce of untrust in me before I met him.
Previous to this relationship I had a normal 20 year relationship with a man who we both departed from each other amicably. We both knew our relationship had run its course. What I do remember is we always were able to talk about things... Agree to disagree.... He never walked out on me and gave me silent treatment for days.... Never blamed me for things that wasn't my fault. .... Never used physical loving as a tool....
I never wanted anything from this family except love and respect. I've had to cut my losses with some of my things that are stil in his house.
So why am I still in love with a man who has treated me badly?

Thankyou for giving me this chance t explain
shattered smile2