ju2's story

Am I being Manipulated?

My husband and I have been separated for almost 2 years. I noticed a distict change in him a few months before he told me he was done, very mean, withdrawn, didn't want to spend any time with me. It was after that that I found some questionable emails and have reason to believe that he may have been unfaithful. I went nuts and filed for divorce, probably a bit too soon without processing what had just happened. Right after I filed, I regretted not giving it my all, so I told him several times that I was willing to work on it. There was no response from him, but he starting hanging out with a whole new group of people. Finally after almost 4 months he told me that he wanted to work on it too. Divorce was canceled. Things were great for about 2 months, and then he became distant again. We went to a few counseling appointments and even our councilor told him that he needed to try a bit. I got fed up, and told him I was done. I pretty much felt like I got dumped twice by him.

So, here we are almost a year later after all of that. I've refiled but he is now insistent that he's learned what happened, and that if I go back to him things will be perfect. He says all of the right things. He's even had flowers delivered to my work, etc. He tells me that he went through a depression phase. But, I can't trust him. Trust is completely gone. I don't know if he is a narcissist or not, and I'm so scared to go back because I don't want to go through it all again.

My friends all tell me that he is a very manipulative person, and that I need to be careful. I just feel stuck. I don't know what to do. I fell like this year has been a limbo year. I really don't want to be divorced but I'm so scared to test the waters to see if he'll go back to his old ways. I remember phrases from Lisa's book like "if it's too good to be true, it probably is", etc.

I just keep thinking about how when we were married, I kept missing the days we were dating. When my dad died, he was not emotionally supportive at all; he even went to work the next day. Countless other examples that I just felt like described him when I was reading the book. So, I feel like he may be a narcissist, but I can't shake the feeling that if he was depressed that I'm a bad wife for wanting to leave and not stick with him in "bad health". I'd love any advice anyone can provide! Am I being manipulated to stay with him?