sexylove's story

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#1 Nov 25 - 2PM
sexylove
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sexylove's story

Still trying to figure things out

I have known my Narc for 12 years and was in a relationship with him for 10 years. He was my rebound from a relationship where my ex cheated on me and I sought revenge by actively going out to find someone to make me feel better, worst mistake ever!

I told myself I would try to pursue a relationship with him after being intimate with him as I am not the promiscuous type and he was only my second lover. I was 21 he was 20. I had no idea what I was getting myself involved in. I once came across an email from a woman asking him if there was someone else, obviously there was someone else in the picture but she lived Ina a mother country so it made it quite easy for him to play around. I confronted him on this and ended things and he was upset...he flung me on the bed and in the process dug my arm and left! He came back the next day and cried saying that he had never done that before and he would never ever do it again. I took him back and it was the first of many rides on his merry go round.

For years I lived in limbo..walking on eggshells, never knowing when he would be In a good mood or bad one. I considered myself his girlfriend but I was not known to his family. We hardly went out and our relationship was mainly based on sex and on his terms. I always thought he would see the light and see me for the good person I was yet he always broke up with me only to come back. One time he left me for 5 weeks and I opened myself up to a new person. He was so kind and sweet and felt myself growing closer to him and was so light and free not having my narc around. It was Christmas time and I had plans to go see a movie with my new friend and it is as though my narc senses when I'm happy without him and came back around..he wrote the sweetest letter..empty words now when I re read it. He promised to be the most perfect boyfriend ever and needed my help to do so...again I fell for it and was honest with my new friend telling him I was not being fair to him or myself as I was still in love with my Narc. Sigh...in three weeks my Narc left me.

I'm not sure how it happened but we did get back together on the crazy merry go round and my narc one day called me and said..I've made a decision, I don't want children. I was heart broken. How could I be in a relationship with someone and yet we don't make joint decisions, you leave whenever you want and stop talking to me for weeks at a time for silly reasons and why did I stay?

My narc went away for one year to go to school and during that time I found out there were three of us that he was sharing his attention with. He sent us all the same links of romantic songs, made the same jokes and sent us the same emails..what a psycho. With one girl he was 'honest' telling her there was someone else in the picture and he was so torn trying to make a decision. On the other hand he was asking me if I would try anal sex when he got back..I did not want to and he broke up with me. Ha! Kudos to me for not giving in then.

Sadly when he came back, we got together and I got pregnant. He told me I had to lose the baby weight and get back to my per pregnancy body right after the baby was born. 7 days after I had the baby I found out he was up to his old tricks and I told him I wanted to be a single parent and he slapped me and left. We remained separated for months with no calls from him or his family asking about my well being but two months after they called to Ask about the baby.i hurt so badly ..I cried for the love I wanted, I cried that my child would not know what it felt like living with both parents, I cried because this man would never marry me and I cried because I was searching for love for so long and I thought I had it but I had an empty, coward bully. The thing is my narc is successful and at the time I was totally focused on him and his life and ignored mine, I guess that is my codependent nature. Again we made up and I got pregnant again...sigh.

My narc found a new friend. While I was pregnant, I saw a flight itinerary for him and his friend and my heart sank. I confronted him on it and he said it was nothing, that he met this person and she was doing Him a favor, he had transferred money to her account so that she could accompany him on a trip to shop for furniture for an apartment he had to furnish for lease. I struggled with this new friendship in my pregnant state and I left him a few months after...this was the first time I had done this. Guess what? When I left he was on a plane with her on another trip. When he got back he decided that he didn'tt want her anymore and came back to me. Around Christmas time that year he got angry with me for not wanting to spend time with him and told me to 'fuck off'

Little did I know that his ' friend' was still around, devastated from their breakup but still willing to be a friend by purchasing toys and clothing for our children. His 'friend' confided in one of my Narc's friend that she was in love and the narc just left her after their trip and she could not understand why. I don't get how a woman could get herself involved with a man with such small children and knowingly make herself available to such a scumbag...anyways...fast fwd jan 2012. I lef the narc for good and was doing great until he did a Hoover and let myself be sucked in..I'm so ashamed. The Narc gave me a brand new vehicle for my birthday and then bam! I saw an email where he was so nasty to his 'friend'..telling her that he did not want no one in his apt smelling his sheets and digging through his garbage, apparently he had sex with another person and she called him out on it. He made her feel so bad about herself it is sad, as I used to be in that position. I'm so tired of his crap..I contacted her and she told me everything, that they were building a life together, that she had already accepted my kids as her step kids even though she has never met them and here I am confused as just days before I got emails saying I was the love of his life and he would do anything for me. Yet she is at his apt cooking, sleeping over and planning trips. He lives in luxury and I still live in my parents home with our two kids. When I found out and confronted him, he said " we were over, we broke up". How can someone be so mean?

After I traded my stories with his "friend" she seemed to get it. She seemed to understand that something was wrong with him. She even confided in me that after he found out that we spoke, he called things off with her and told me that he was not with anyone. She has already experienced the push/ pull. he demeans her, he tells her that he must be in bed by 10pm and that she must not make unreasonable demands of his time. Yet they are on another trip together..I understand he told her "you get me, my ex never did."

This is me, finally seeing his true colors and thanking God that I survived but also being angry that I gave 10 years of my life to this asshole.

Nov 26 - 11AM
sexylove
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after the fact

Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
thenewjane
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who does that?

Nov 30 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
sexylove
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any suggestions for low contact with children involved?

Nov 30 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
thenewjane
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Yes, LC

Nov 30 - 12PM (Reply to #7)
sexylove
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Is there something that we do

Nov 26 - 11AM
sexylove
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You know it has only been one

Nov 25 - 3PM
Butterflystar
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Dear Sexylove