Maisierose's story

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#1 Nov 20 - 8PM
Maisierose
Maisierose's picture

Maisierose's story

About 4 years ago I was in a dead end relationship. I was sleeping in a separate bedroom. And I had so much resentment for him and the lack of attention/affection/respect in the relationship. My father had died a year to the day that I met "Harry." Met him online. FB. He was friends of a friend.

We talked all the time online. And he showed me how to do blackberry message. Then we talked constantly. At work. At night. Constantly. We lived about 400 miles away from each other. But we met a little over a month later. And it was this instant love. It was the best 4 days of my entire life. He said that he wasn't looking for love when he met me online. But "What just happened?! I'm falling in love with you." Like it was a total surprise that he had no control over.

I came home and broke it off with my bf of 10 years. I called my mom and said I was in love and moved back home with the intention of marrying this man and living forever high on love. I was in my early 40s. No children. Never been married. I had just gotten my Masters in Psych and had taken over the internship that I was in. I was now a supervisor (which was a HUGE deal). I was in a great position and I felt my life was finally moving forward. I had worked very hard for many years to be in the position that I was in. Running a great program. And now with a great man.

Red flags? Let's see. On the first night that we talked (online chat...so no voice inflection to give him away), he stated that he was a psychopath. "Or something like that. There is no name for what I am..." I thought he was being sarcastic and silly because that is a line from a movie. I think Silence of the Lambs. In any case, he said a few things that were amazingly narcissistic. He kept wanting me to look at his FB friends count. And talk about his great job as a stagehand, name dropping and all of that. But I live in a town that is famous for stars. I explained that he cannot impress me with name dropping and he backed off. I basically told him exactly how to win me over and how not to. And he did all the things I needed him to do to make me love him.

Red flags. He had a group of women that he called his "focus group, because they focus on me." Yes. He said that. There were about 15 women that he had sex with in a switch-em-up manner so that every night was full. But now all that was over since he'd met me. (No. No it was never over. And when one opted out he found two others to replace her).

Red flags. His ex wife has him blocked so that she can contact him, but he cannot contact her. (And she and I are the longest relationships he's ever been in. All his other women last less than a month and then they move on). He has a child with special needs and puts him up as a "professor" and says that this kid will grow up to be an astrophysicist. (But the child is not a genius of any sort. And this child is just an extension of him. He has no interest at all in the child if there's no one there to witness his daddy-ing.)

RF. Although he has somewhere near 1700 fb friends, when I had a surprise party for him and invited nearly 300 people, only 5 showed up and one was there to see me. And none of them knew each other. And they barely knew him. And of course, he blamed me for "not doing it right" when the fact is...it's LIFE that he's not doing right.

The cheating and the alcoholism were so bad. He blacks out almost nightly. He drinks Jager which is very strong and gets a bottle that is rather large. And drinks until he blacks out. But he doesn't PASS out. This is when he goes on Craigslist and trolls for overweight, blonde women that are undereducated and troubled in some way, but are in some sort of helping field. I can't tell you the number of nurses he's been with, briefly.

But this is all hindsight. We had a long engagement. I gave up my great job and moved to his town. And then we had a baby. And then he binged and I found evidence of a party while I was in the hospital and then I found a very stretched out, highly perfumed spandex cami and I took our baby and bailed. And you'd think that would be it. You'd think I'd have gotten it. But you'd be wrong.

So we tried to work on things from a distance. He was crazier and crazier...or actually I think I just Noticed that he was crazy finally. And I still worked on it. And here's where it gets really bizarre. So one night, we were madly in love and he was posting songs to me on fb. And we were looking at houses to move in to in a month. I was sending him ads of houses. And we were all a glow. And the very next moment, I mean, the VERy next one, he sent me a message saying, "I'm done." And I figured he was blacking out again. The next morning I found out he'd contacted my ex bf (who I am amazingly best friends with after how I left...amazing man) and tried to create a "hate M" club. That didn't work. So 12 hours later he had some new woman that he'd met in the black out on his fb posting very explicit messages to him. So our mutual friends and family could see. Then he had her contacting me threatening to take my child. It was unbelievable. It flipped my world.

So I blocked him from every thing. He contacted my parents and insulted them to no end. It was crazy. He was furious because I switched my phone from his account. He canceled our daughter's insurance! I got messages from this woman describing their sexual life. I've never in my life felt so attacked. I was actually flinchy. I had no job, no place to live. And later I found out he was taking out credit cards in my name and other stuff...so he was ruining my credit as well. (But I just recently found this one out.)

5 months later he showed up with his tail between his legs. So apologetic. And he said ALL the right things. Took full responsibility of the break up and swore he'd go to rehab. After a few months he wore me down. And we got together for "family time" a couple times. I told him about my mom's health issues. I told him that if he was just toying with me that would be incredibly evil. He said he knew that and he understood why I didn't trust him...which made me trust him.

So...one morning I woke up and found the usual "good morning baby. I love you. I hope you got your beauty sleep." And then the next text was a link to a cl ad for a "curvy blonde." And that was it. I had a feeling it might happen because I hung up with him the night before when what he wanted to do was get drunk and talk about a show he'd been watching about skunks. But I had to work. So I let him go.

And now I have to recover all over again. I was starting to a little bit. And now I feel worse than I did before. I have him blocked as well as I can.

I have read a lot about narcissists since the first break up. And he just easily fits way too much of the criteria. I know I have to just feel bad. And face that it was all a lie. And face it all and feel it all and face it and feel it...I just don't want to. I have a child to raise. She's amazing! And I don't want to be sad and bitter. So I have to get healthy. I'm trying this sight. I did the first thing I was supposed to do. With faith that it will help. Sorry if it was too long. And now I will take a deeeeeep breath. Thanks.

Nov 21 - 5AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Caring Professions

Nov 21 - 4AM
spinning
spinning's picture

Hi, Maisie, and welcome

spinning

Nov 21 - 5AM (Reply to #2)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville

Nov 21 - 3PM (Reply to #3)
Butterflystar
Butterflystar's picture

Your occupation