What a journey

It's just over a year since the narc left. This evening I've just lit the fire , poured a glass of wine, got my comfy clothes on, my boys are all playing in their rooms and I've sat down to relax in a calm house, I'm so grateful for the peace now . I've just looked right back to the beginning of my posts on this lovely forum at the start of this horrible journey and read them all , and cried. Cried for that girl back in January who came here not knowing where to start, how to fix this and feeling absolutely terrible and so alone. But it's made me realise how far I have come now. Yesterday I was looking for some old shopping vouchers that I knew we're going out of date and opened a cupboard in our playroom where I keep all the paper work that I always promise to sort out but never do ( infact I did it all yesterday... Miracle) and I found the guest book from our wedding. I looked through it and saw how everyone had written how great we were together and what a wonderful future we will have. I felt nothing, I actually laughed . His mother had written that he deserves to be happy and that she loved us both , that made me a little bit sick really. I burnt it on the fire and my eldest boy came in at that point. Narcs face on the front cover was melting and my smile was still visible . He put his arms round me and said " you've got your smile back now mum and he will never really smile, never did " . Kids are amazing aren't they?
Anyway, this has been a real journey, still is actually. My counsellor said to me last December that 90% of my thoughts were him at that point and she was right, it was awful . She said that gradually I would find myself not thinking of him for a few minutes and that would grow and grow and eventually he would be 5% of my thoughts and then probably zero. She was so right and the freedom is amazing. Re reading all my posts and the responses had made me see how far I have come. It's quite scary to read the early posts and it proves beyond doubt that NC is the only way to heal from abuse. I am such a different woman now. I do what I want when I want, I actually don't care what people think of me anymore, the smear campaign still goes on I'm sure but I don't care anymore.
This forum saved me, really saved me.
Thank you .
Big hugs to you all on this journey to healing xxxxxxxxx