Hello All! Update from Gravity!

Hi everyone! I was listening to "Sara Bareilles" Pandora today and the song "Gravity" just came on which was the basis for my user name and I thought about all of you here!

I haven't been on this site in quite some time.. which I definitely think is a good thing. I have been NC for so long I completely lost count. I have graduated College where he went as well, and thus have not seen his face since last November.. maybe even before that. A WHOLE YEAR!!!!!!! WOW.

I haven't had ANY interaction with him whatsoever besides a brief when I texted him and he didn't respond. NONE, absolutely NONE.

Things I have learned along the way:

1) If you slip and fall and contact him like I did, firstly FORGIVE YOURSELF. He has been a familiar place for you..even if that familiar place means pain. Sometime's we are in pain for so long it becomes very normalized and not feeling pain feels strange.. especially for some of us who have felt it all of our lives from family members etc. Remember that if you do what you've always done, you're going to get what you've always gotten. I'm going to guess that if any of you were liking what you have gotten, you wouldn't be here reading this right now.

2) Moving forward is not easy, but it is WORTH IT. It takes a lot of work and a lot of long hard looking in the mirror. For us this can be a strange feeling at first because we are so used to BEING THE MIRROR FOR SOMEONE ELSE. A lot of us had become so used to focusing on another person's wants/needs/etc. we actually forgot what our own needs were.

3) "If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - This is a quote by Nietzche and I have taken it to mean that the longer your stare at crazy, you start to feel crazy. I had spent so much time trying to figure HIM out that I forgot to figure myself out. Understanding the disorder is definitely part of the process, but once you have a firm grasp on the disorder you need to start focusing on YOU and accept that there are some things you just plain won't ever understand and thank GOD because if you were able to understand it fully you would be disordered too. I kept confusing myself with him. I actually went to a therapist believing I was a narcissist! I found a therapist that helped me to stop spending my therapy sessions analyzing him, and start analyzing how I FELT. Start looking at how you are feeling right now.

4) We are CARING, LOVING, UNDERSTANDING, individuals.. if we weren't, the N wouldn't have targeted us because they would have stood nothing to gain. With that, I have found that you will be targeted again by other PD's.. it's just a fact of life. Once I allowed myself to step into the dating game, I realized I was dating a couple of N's immediately. The difference is, this time I knew enough about the red flags to recognize it QUICKLY and end it. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

5) This is a great meditation that I did every day:

I sat in silence for 5 minutes every day and asked myself "Who am I? What Do I Want For Today? What Do I Want For My Life?" It was a great tool at grounding myself and remembering who I am. I found that in the beginning I was defining myself using adjectives such as "nurturer, giver," etc.

In therapy I learned that this was part of the problem. I was defining myself and basing my self worth on what I could provide for others, and thus being with someone that needed my supply validated the self image I had always had of myself. I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT I CAN GIVE! WE ALL ARE! Start making a list of positive attributes about yourself that don't include the role of being a giver.

6) "If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going!!!!!!!!!!" There is a light at the end of the tunnel and that light includes PEACE, HAPPINESS, and PROSPERITY! Keep going.. I BELIEVE IN ALL OF YOU!

Love to all! xoxoxoxo