probationnc's story

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#1 Sep 20 - 12PM
probationnc
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probationnc's story

New to this and excited about getting better!!!!

Hi everyone!!! I am new.The thing about being in a N relationship is that no one can understand it unless they have also been in one. After reading other stories, mine does not sound so terrible but anyway here goes.....I met my N after just getting out of a 7 year relationship with someone I believe was also a N but not to the extreme like this last guy and I had just been laid off from my dream job;we were both 44 at the time. He approached me at a reception. He was not really my type however I enjoyed the attention. He asked me to go for a walk and took me straight to his hotel room, he lives in Atlanta, GA and I live in Charlotte, NC. I was never the type who just slept with a man a couple of minutes or hours after meeting him so I refused and we rejoined our friends. He was attending a 3 day event in Charlotte and he wanted to see me the next night. I told him that I was leaving town to attend a choir program my daughter was in but we still exchanged numbers. Even though I gave him my number, I had no intention on ever talking to him again, I thought he was strange. He called several times however I did not answer the phone, I was still hoping things would work out with my ex. The following night my girlfriend called me and said that she saw the guy at a party and that he asked about me all night and begged her to call me and ask me to give him a chance. She said he was very sincere and did not attempt to talk to any other females the whole night. I took the bait and I called him about 11:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. He was attending another party but went to the car and talked to me until around 3:00 a.m. The next morning he called and I was on my way to church with my daughter and he asked me to pray for his safe return to Atlanta and to pray for our relationship...my heart fluttered. Long story short we started dating. I would fly to Atlanta and even though he owned his own home, we would have to stay in a hotel room because he had two roommates and he did not want to disrespect me by sleeping with me with them in the house...red flag. He was everything I dreamed of fun, romantic, caring, "a man of God" it was ok that we were having sex because we were soul mates and was going to get married. He was a professional (a principal) and he was so ready to be a father to my three children....according to him, I was everything he dreamed of. He has three children with 3 different women second red flag and now he could really have a family all under one roof. I went back to Charlotte on cloud nine, how in the world could I have gotten this lucky. Within two weeks he told me that he loved me and even though I felt weird about it, I told him I loved him also. I told him that I wanted to stay on my spiritual walk and he also realized that without God we were not going to make it, as a matter of fact he believed that God put us together. The strange this was that he would be talking about God in one sentence and the next sentence would be what do you think about group sex and have you ever had a threesome? After two or three trips to Atlanta, I told him that I hated staying in a hotel room with him and I was not coming back until I could stay in his house. I didn't mind his roommates or he could ask them to leave for the weekend. Well,then all of a sudden, he could come to Charlotte to see me. I explained that he could not sleep at my house because I have children. He agreed and would get a hotel room. The children loved him, they thought he was the greatest. He even brought his daughter up for the weekend because since we were going to be a family, he wanted to make sure his daugter and my children got along. When first meeting his daugther, 12 years old, she was kinda cold and distant but after awhile she warmed up and said that she could not believe what great fun she was having.(I would later find out why she was so hesistant.)Anyway long story short, it was not long before the accusations of cheating started, even though all I ever did was activities with the children. Also, he would call me many times a day and if I didn't answer he would call every number he had for me until I answered. I was exhausted because I would try to talk on the phone while I cooked, cleaned or ran errands but I was flattered by the attention. He always expressed how pretty he thought I was and my g/f immediately noticed that all he ever talked about was how I looked, but in private he would tell me that he loved me because I had adopted three children so he knew that I would treat his children well and because I have a good heart and was trying to be a Christian. He said that he sung on the choir and was an usher and he was trying to do right before God. He pressed me to take him to my church and to meet my family but I was hesistant because my previous break up was still fresh. One Sunday after church around 2:00 p.m. he called. I was so delighted to hear from him...he asked me for phone sex...I was floored. Later that night he called and apologized and said that it was just hard especially since he was saving himself for me. When he comes to Charlotte he ask me to stay at my house, again I tell him no, not in front of my children. According to him, he plays golf all over the country, Mexico, Puerto Rico, you name it and he has played golf there. I told him that if he can play golf all over the world and pay for hotel rooms, why would he not want to pay for a hotel room to visit me. He has respect for his roommates but not my children? In June he ask me to fly with him to Florida for a golf tournament, I am delighted. At this point we have been together for three months. I explained that maybe we have started the relationship out wrong and it was maybe a mistake to have slept with him and that I wanted to wait until we were married. He saids that he understands and agrees but he still wants me to go with him to Florida...I go. As soon as we hit the hotel room, he wants sex...at this point I love him so I agree. The next morning, he goes to the golf tournament leaving me at the hotel. I believe he is coming back for lunch so I get dressed and wait. At 2:00 p.m. I call him and he tells me that he had lunch at the country club. At 4:00 p.m. he comes to the hotel room, took me to Sub-way to get something to eat.(I paid for my food) and then to the beach. We made love at the beach. Back at the hotel room he wanted more sex, I reminded him of our talk and this was the first time that if looks could kill. He looked at me like he hated me, he masturbated in front of me and put on his clothes and left...he use to live in Florida. It was almost 5:00 a.m. when he returned. I asked him where he had been and he said at a friend's house. I told him that I was not going to sit in the hotel room while he played golf all day so he agreed that I could drop him off and take the rental car but he did not talk to me but to tell me where to turn the whole ride. I could not understand what was happenning to us. That was just the beginning but again long story short I have been abandoned at the airport in Atlanta to find my own way back to Charlotte. Everytime we had sex, I would have to go to the doctor with unexplained infections. I begged him to tell me if he was sleeping with someone else but he swore he was only with me and accussed me of being with someone else, but he refused to use a condemn. He asked me to buy him a $300.00 golf bag and when I told him that I could not afford that he told me I was selfish. He has never bought me one thing except some cheap flowers in the first few months. My birthday he was suppose to take me to New York but called me about two days before and said that he had tickets to the Cotton Bowl and could not make it for my birthday. His birthday my best friend and her husband and myself was suppose to spend the weekend in Atlanta..he called and told me he had to go to a funeral the day before. Thanksgiving he was in Alabama for a golf tournament, Christmas golf tournament in Mexico always a golf tournament.In 2011 he went with me to my grandmother's birthday party, he insisted, he told all my family and friends that we were going to get married and move to Atlanta, even though our first year had been rough, I still loved him and wanted to marry him. I eventually let him go with me to church to meet my Pastor. After that we went to church with the kids often. Finally in June 2011 he called me and told me his roommates had moved out and I could come down, as a matter of fact he had planned a vacation to Jamaica but I had to pay my own way because he had just taken his kids to Disney World. That trip was a disaster. He flirted with every woman he saw as if I wasn't there but would explode on any man that so much as looked at me. He accussed me of stealing $40.00 from him and when I asked him why I would do something like that, he said because I was a triffling bitch and he should fuck me up. He is 6'3 and weighs almost 300 pounds..I am 5'3 and 140 pounds. I was speechless and all I could do was cry. I was suppose to stay the rest of the week in Atlanta with him but instead he would not let me back into the house after 6 hours of airplane traveling he told me to go home. I deceided no more and I wrote him an email telling him that he needed help. Two weeks later I was diagnosed with Herpes II.(Remember those yeast infections) I did not see nor talk to him for six months. February of 2012: One night I came home from the grocery store and guess who was at my house.The children let him in. He said he wanted to make sure our relationship was over because he still loves me. I kissed him we hugged and I told him he was no good for me right now. He left, said he was on his was back to Atlanta. About a month later he was back in Charlotte. We planned to meet for dinner and to go out and talk. He said that he had talked with his pastor and he was ready to admit his mistakes so we could move forward. I was happy because I knew he had given me herpes and who else could I be with now other than him. I was late getting off from work, he called but I missed the call. He left me a message accusing me of being with someone else...I was just feed up and stronger by now so I did not respond and did not see him all weekend. On Sunday morning, I had just arrived to church when my daughter called me and said that he had showed up not to long after I had left. He said he would be back by when I got home from church. He came by but he was very different this time. He seemed cold and stand offish. He would not touch me or barely looked at me. When we got back to my house we started kissing, he wanted sex and so did I, it had been almost a year and I knew he was already infected so why not? It lasted less than 5 minutes and when he finished instead of the loving kisses and embraces, he stood up and said thank-you...I was crushed. We talked on and off the next couple of months. He again suggested that I come to Atlanta and I felt that he must really love me and I was ready to go. I called him one day just to talk and he said when you get here I know a place where people can go and have group sex...I was mortified and he said he only wanted me to watch. I told him I could not. He attempted two more times after that to get me to have sex with him but I refused. After that he told me had did not feel the same for me and he was moving on and so should I. I was crushed..I would text him with no response. I would tell him how much I needed him, no response, I told him I would pray for us and that I was not sleeping with anyone because I loved him no response. Finally in July, I get a text from him accussing me of something, then a phone call and then he tells me he has tried to get me out of his system but he cannot and that he needs to see me. I agree that I still love him. He told me to book a flight to Atlanta. He also told me that a shuttle bus could pick me up from the airport to take me to the hotel and a key would be waiting for me at the front desk? Why are we staying at a hotel? According to him he is hosting a golf tournament that weekend and has to be at the hotel...something was not right but I wanted to see him so badly I agreed. That weekend I thought I left my phone charger at work and my cell phone went dead. When I called from my home phone to check my messages he had called three times. I called and left him a message telling him to call me at home. He called back immediately but a different name was on my caller id but I recognized his number. I asked him about it and he said that it was his old roommate who added him to his plan for $10.00 a month. I said ok and we continued to make plans for me to come down that Friday. The next day, I still was not feeling ok with what he had told me so I googled his name and the name from the caller id and up comes a wedding announcement. He was married on July 1st, 2012 in Las Vegas and the day I saw the name on the called id was July 14th. 2012. I was a mess, the next day I confronted him and again lies. He told me he met her after our trip from Jamaica and that he told me he was ready to get married and be a father and both of them have daughters the same age. He also stated very boldly that his life with her is different from what he has with me and that he still plans on seeing me when he comes to Charlotte and that I will travel with him but I am not to talk about his life with his wife to him. I was thinking to myself, am I crazy..what the hell? I then went to her fb page and found out they had been dating and living together since 2009. My whole life for the last two years had been a lie!!!! I was numb..what in the world???? How could this be, he spent so much time in Charlotte, I had stayed at his house. He took me and the kids and showed us the house. He told my son when we move to Atlanta he can have a puppy. He was still telling me that we were going to get married after he had married her. After I confronted him with the fb pictures he told me that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear and I should just stop complaining and stay on his team. I felt that my heart and soul had been ripped out from me. How and why would anyone do this? I contacted the new wife because I felt she needed to know but he had already told her that I was bi-polar and that I might be contacting her to try to break up the marriage because he had said a few things and lead me on. She apologized to me and basically told me to move on because our relationship was before she and he started dating. I mailed to her an email he had sent me and our flight reservation but I am sure he convinced her that I made it all up. While looking at her fb pics which are filled with wedding pictures...he was in Jamaica with her in May of 2011 and with me July of 2011????? I was able to remember his first wife's name and I contacted her via a letter.He would never get into much detail about their marriage but he would brag all the time about the vacations they took together and the things she bought for him. She called me and told me that he is narcisstic and that she stays as far away from him as possible as she suggests that I do the same. They were married less than two years. She told me at least I got away before he ruined my life. I also found out that all the "golf" trips were him and the futute wife going to places together but according to him while he was with me he was always short on money...so many lies, I don't know what to believe anymore. He told me that he hated hair weave and make-up, I have long hair and he would get very angry if it was in a pony tail so I always wore it down and as little make up around him as possible. The wife has weave, make-up, false nails all the things he told me he hated. The wife is a nurse practicioner. I took as $12,000 paycut to get another job. I thought he would have been proud of me for getting a job, I remembered he laughed because of the low pay. Why do I feel like I am still in space? How is it that I did not see thru him. How can another human being hurt someone like that. He used his daughter as a prop to suck me in, she knew he had a woman living with her and never said a word. He masturbated in front of me because I refused to have sex with him because I wanted to work on our relationship instead...why did I not cut it off then? I have not talked to or texted him since I emailed his new wife. She has posted lots of new fb pictures of them together as if she is proving something to me and I didn't do anything wrong but trust and believe all his lies. No one understands how I feel. I am happy that 400 miles is between us and really almost a year of being apart but why does this hurt so much? One of the things he said to me after I found out that he was married was don't act like you don't sleep with married men!! Why would he think that way of me. I am so confused, spiritually wounded, emotionally in shambles. I still want to feel his arms around me or wake me up and tell me this is just a bad dream but at the same time I am relieved that he is not going to tell me that I need to lose weight or point out a smile line on my face or tell me I am not dressed sexy enough I am mess!!!!

Sep 23 - 9PM
evergreen
evergreen's picture

monster!

Sep 21 - 10AM
Journey
Journey's picture

Yuk! So sorry for your pain,

Journey on...

Sep 20 - 2PM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

I don't know why these

Sep 20 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
probationnc
probationnc's picture

Thanks so much for that. I