Withholding - They Psychopath/Narcissist as a Spoiled Brat

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#1 Sep 4 - 9AM
Jenna H
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Withholding - They Psychopath/Narcissist as a Spoiled Brat

This is from an article I found - some of you may have read it or it might have already been posted, but it resonates in big ways with my narc experience!!

"By not giving you what the narcissist knows you want, he can make himself feel important. This is called "With holding" for example: A child can be bored with a toy and about to put it down when he notices that some other child wants it, then he plays "Keep away" by keeping the toy to himself even though he is bored of it or finished playing with it.

If the other child happens to plead for it, he just becomes more and more determined to keep the toy away, clutching it tightly to himself and yelling "NO"

The narcissist is a fully grown person but every bit the three-year-old, and not a sweet one either.

This stunt is a power play too, of course. For example: When someone says "Will you...?" or "Can I..?" the first thing out of his mouth is "You'll have to wait". However long you can wait, the narcissist will make you wait longer or they will often make you beg or grovel for what you want also.

When the narcissist sees your eyes light up on something you want, they look at it and see nothing but a stick to use a leverage on you. God Almighty wants to make you pray to him for it.

Narcissists do this with every aspect of your needs or wants. These can be your sexual needs/wants, money, attention, conversation etc

If a narcissist finds out what you like, he is sure to take it away from you. For Example: You tell the narcissist you love going to the movies, from that point on you notice you never go to the movies together again.

Why does he do this? Because he wants the whole world to revolve around him and his wants and needs. He doesn't give a flying fig about yours.

Many victims of narcissists have told me that the narcissist would ask them what they wanted for a birthday/Christmas present and to write out a list, on the special day in question the victim found that absolutely nothing she asked for on the list was chosen. In fact some victims have been given as a gift something the narcissist knew she didn't want.

Sometimes he punishes by withholding what he knows his partner wants most, affection, attention, companionship, children, sex, money, his presence, whatever will cause her the most distress. Sometimes his reaction to criticism or whatever else he is punishing is so extreme that his partner never dares do it again and tiptoes around his delicate ego.

These sadistic acts are his way of punishing them for not being docile, obedient, admiring and adoring as he expects them to be in view of his uniqueness, cosmic significance and special entitlement.

Withholding (the silent treatment), countering (refuting or invalidating the spouse's statements or actions), discounting (putting down her emotions, possessions, experiences, hopes, and fears), sadistic and brutal humor, blocking (avoiding a meaningful exchange, diverting the conversation, changing the subject), blaming and accusing, judging and criticizing, undermining and sabotaging, threatening, name calling, forgetting and denying, ordering around, denial, and abusive anger.

During periods of frustration which are brought about as a result of their needs not being met narcissistic people will certainly make you aware of your inability to meet these needs. Such as with holding or the "silent treatment,” sulking, discussing things they know upset you or behaving in ways they know you find hurtful regardless of whether or not they are related to the frustration he thinks you have "caused.”

If their frustration stems from their own inability to meet their wants and needs e.g. not getting a promotion, losing at sport, receiving criticism for work they have done etc. the frustration is usually transferred onto the people they interact with (often their nearest and dearest)

The Narcissist can with hold anything he wishes. Like Gareth Rodger did, he can use the silent treatment, switch his phone off, refuse to talk, then blame shift or project this back onto me and leave me with the guilty feelings.

He wants you to take what he offers and be satisfied with it even if it isn't what you asked for or is inappropriate. In other words: He will give you a gift he knows you hate but expects you to praise and adore him despite this fact.

It all amounts again to ..self, self self with the narcissist.

You can try with holding your (the victim) own attention, physical closeness and gifts, but playing and stooping to the narcissists level just to "teach him a short lived lesson" or "A short lived lesson he will ignore anyway, then punish you for inflicting upon him" is a bad idea.

Or you could try and show no interest in things you really are interested in, you can bet your bottom dollar the narcissist will then give you the things you want, but it's a backwards-ass way of doing things and why should you tolerate it!

Kick the dirty dog to the curb where he belongs and never look back. The only way to get away from the narcissist is to abandon him.

http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com/2009/02/does-he-fit-checklist-on-preda...

1. He loves accolades, compliments, and recognition.
2. He exaggerates his achievements.
3. He brags about his prowess as a lover and expects you to lavish praise on his performance.
4. Nothing is ever his fault; he can justify just about anything he does.
5. Anything you can do, he can do better.
6. Anything you know, he knows more.
7. He’s charming and attentive with people in positions of power.
8. He likes to associate with popular or important people.
9. He doesn’t have much time for you because he puts so much energy into his job or a hobby.
10. He takes pride in his appearance and is well-groomed.
11. His eyes scan the room when you’re talking.
12. He can be cold and dismissive to those he thinks are less important or of no use to him.
13. He doesn’t notice if you aren’t satisfied after sex.
14. If you disagree with him, he disregards your opinions.
15. He expects you to always look good.
16. If he doesn’t like what you’re wearing, he criticizes you.
17. He plays mind games, alternately acting committed and distant.
18. He demands what he wants, whether it’s the corner office or the best table at a restaurant.
19. He expects people to cater to his whims, wants, and needs.
20. He twists all of your arguments to make you seem like the guilty one.
21. Even if he is in the wrong, he’ll act like he’s the victim.
22. If things are going wrong in his life, he blames anything and anyone but himself.
23. He can be mean and insulting.
24. He’s a bit of a flirt, or you’ve heard others refer to him as a “player.”
25. If he feels someone has put him down, he’s likely to lash out.

Yes, it can be repetitive with the same NS, if there is no new NS on the horizon. This is what happened to me. In my case, the overvaluing and devaluing were cyclical. He wanted me around in the winter and ignored me in the summer. I have given my N two very severe bouts of narcissistic injury and he has returned both times, once eighteen months later, and the second time six months later. He had rearranged the facts in his mind to something he could accept, and then was ready for another round. I don't think there are any hard and fast answers to this, but if he has returned once after an injury, then I think he is likely to return again and again - BUT it will never be any different!
The narcissist feels weak for wanting ANYTHING from the opposite sex yet at the same time has the desire to connect, but only on a superficial level. The N meets a person and falls in lust like the rest of us. However soon their internal dialogue takes hold. They cannot show they care for you, to them this is weak. It is too fearful and they are wracked with paranoid fears of jealousy and abandonment. The only solution? In their mind is to mentally destroy their victim. Thus begins the push pull game. They cannot stand they want you so they discard you but then they want you back for attention and sex so they come back. Then the cycle continues OVER and OVER unless you bail out. They will not settle for anything less than total control over your mind and soul. They see it as thrilling to have their prey worn down and at their mercy. The worst thing a victim can do is leave calmly and move on with their life. The N therefore feels he/she was not that important to begin with. Then begins even more inner torment."

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_narcissistic_cycles_of_overvaluing_and_...

Sep 5 - 3AM
onwithmylife
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jenn h

Sep 4 - 10PM
Journey
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Excellent article, sounds

Journey on...

Sep 4 - 2PM
no more an echo
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yes, cosmic significance & special entitlement !

Sep 5 - 4PM (Reply to #16)
Jenna H
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Echo - I found the link!

Sep 5 - 4PM (Reply to #17)
no more an echo
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thanks jenna

Sep 4 - 2PM (Reply to #15)
Jenna H
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Echo ...

Sep 4 - 1PM
Sickofhim
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This article...

Sep 4 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
Jenna H
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I've got to say....

Sep 4 - 11AM
Scarlett
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Thanks for this!

Sep 4 - 11AM
Deidre99
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This is a fabulous

Sep 4 - 11AM
Done sourcing
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I would imagine the best

Sep 4 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Deidre99
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and that's not just a narc

Sep 4 - 10AM
Alissa
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Thanks Jenna for posting

Sep 4 - 10AM
GracefullyFree
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Oh hell

Sep 4 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
Sickofhim
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You mean....

Sep 4 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
GracefullyFree
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Sickofhim

Sep 4 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Sickofhim
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Yup, I realize it....

Sep 4 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
GracefullyFree
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SickofHim

Sep 4 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Sickofhim
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Thanks Grace:)