1. On our first date I had a few drinks. He told me the next day that I got so drunk that I did something really inappropriate and embarrassing. I didn't remember doing it and told him I couldn't have done something like that. Especially without remembering it! He claimed that I was so drunk that I was blacked out and that's why I couldn't remember it.

2. He told me that I peed on him during sex. ????

3. Told me that he had given something that belonged to me when I THINK I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED having been handed an item.

4. Took money from purse without my knowledge and when I went crazy looking for it, he produced it from his pocket saying that I had dropped it earlier and
he picked it up. He had merely forgottten to give it to me. This money was in a closed wallet inside a closed purse and I had hunted for it for 20 minutes before his realization."

5. His mother had given me a card with some money inside as a gift. She later discovered it in his possesssion and she returned it to me saying that her darling son had discovered that I dropped it and forgotten to give it to me.

6. The hood emblem was broken off my new car in my parking lot. I have no proof he did it but I have my suspicions.

7. Even though I shower daily and use various body gels, soaps, shampoos, scented lotions, deodorants etc. he would often tell me that I smelled bad. It made me paranoid enough to ask my roommates if I was stinky. The verdict was of course, a unanimous no.

8. He would play his little funny "tricks" or "jokes" on me. For example, at the movie theatre, he piled up bits of greasy popcorn on top of my head. When I finally noticed I got mad but according to him, I couldn't take a joke."

9. I gave him some cash to give to the gas station attendnant. He knew that this was ALL the $ I had as I counted it out in the car. He told the attendant to put in one dollar more than I had. He SWORE that had told him a different amount. The attendant got mad and said he was going to call the cops if I couldn't come up with the missing $. So I had dig all through my purse and car for the change. I might not have thought of this as gaslighting, just an honest mistake but Short Dick Man never once said sorry or took ownership fpr the mistake and most tellingly, he never helped me search the car for a single dime. As the attendant made menacing faces at me, narc just stared stright ahead, smiling.

10. Was always telling me how very rude I was. His parents had given me a gift and I was over the moon with verbal praise and thanksgiving. He SWORE I never once said thanks. Then he later conceded that although I had said thanks, it wasn't "very genuine or enough." ??? I had all but turned cartwheels.

11. Told me that it was rude "not to speak" to his family when I visited his home. Yet I had spent an hour helping his brother with his homework and then played basketball with his youngest brother. I helped his mother cook dinner and discussed the joys of pickling vegetables with his father. What. The. Frig.

12. Tell me I was checking out other guys at the library when my nose was down in the book.

There are more stories but you get the idea.

During the course of our relationship of three years, I was never once called a name, hit, cheated on (that I know of) cursed at or otherwise "abused" in my opinion. The only maltreatment came in the form of this gaslighting which was absolutely constant. It took my therapist a few sessions to convince me that this relationship was in fact abusive despite its lack of stereotypical physical or verbal abuse.

It's still confusing after all these years. Even when I try my hardest to put myself into his shoes to see what he got out of these behaviors, I just can't imagine it being enjoyable. I can't imagine what would make a person act like this in nearly every interaction.

I know they're aiming to control us, but it's simply bizarre that they would even think "If I make her feel like she's going nuts, I'll get to pick the movie next time." WHAT IS THAT??? I just don't get them.

Moving my things in the kitchen cupboards and swearing that he did not do it. This went on for years.Thankfully I had an excellent memory and knew he was telling lies.

Rearranging the linen closet...It wasn't him

Moving or taking the Christmas presents that I bought...and when I went to wrap them...they were not there. They later turned up in places we had already looked.
He threw out ingredients (from the fridge) that I needed for meals.When I went to cook...not there.

Finding white bleach spots on my guest towels everyday! It wasn't him...I was crazy.

He would run a red light and swear that it never happened.

Well I finally caught him doing these things and he said that he couldn't believe that I would DO such a sneaky thing and that I needed help.He said what kind of a person would do that to him?

FREAK!

You know, in looking through this thread again just now...it just upsets me so.

Honestly, ANY man who picks on women, talks down to them, plays head games, etc etc...is less than a man, in my eyes.

A really weak man.

Strong, well adjusted men don't gaslight and abuse women. Emotionally or physically. It's mind numbing, when I read the antic some of your exes carried out. Mine, too.

I just view them as very weak men...sad, troubled, lonely, desperate, weak men.

Oh. I've got tons of 'em.

One night, we were out and he leaned over and told me, "You know? I've never been attracted to you but I'm attracted to your mind." He was drunk so I just let it go and figured I'd handle it later.

Later, at a friend's house, his friend asked what was wrong. I mentioned it, not in an emotional way but just stating how my feelings were hurt and why.

PsychoNarc exploded. "I would NEVER say that! I would NEVER say or do ANYTHING to hurt you! You're CRAZY!"

I told him he reminded me of my ex-husband, he angrily demanded I NEVER compare him to my abusive ex-husband again.

My reply? "Then stop acting like him."

But, this was a relative of his so she bought his version of the story.
For some reason, at that moment, I recognized what was going on.

More subtly, he would call me his girlfriend and tell me he loved me, tell me I was the only one.

But when we would be around others (such as other people he might be calling a 'friend' but having sex with), suddenly he would start telling them, "She's crazy. I don't know why she thinks she's my girlfriend. I've ALWAYS told her I was in love with the baby mama."

Speaking of those 'friends', he would flirt. But when I would call him on it he would convince me I didn't SEE what I SAW. Or that I was imagining things. (I wasn't.)

He would say or do something and then just convince me that he didn't say or do it. Sometimes he'd get away with pointing out something I'd said or done so that I would end up feeling guilty and apologizing.

It was always on HIS turf, around HIS family, on HIS terms.

I can't even count the number of times he gaslighted. It was pretty constant.