I know...it really rocks us to the core. Shakes us in ways no one can imagine except for those who have been through it.

You said::
"I believed that crap and I'm a smart girl. How did I fall for that?

How can I trust myself that I won't do it again?!

I lost faith in ME. Yes ok he's screwed up and can never love me - but why didn't I see that when all the signs were there?!"

We are all smart girls. WE never learned about disorders..we didn't know they existed or how to handle it. NO one told us.Keep going with UNDERSTANDING IT...once you do...you will know what to look for. There are so many stories here..each one has clues and proof to HOW the disordered present themselves in so many ways.
Commit them to memory and you will feel safer.

The more I read the more I recognize things in my past relationships that I missed. ALLOW yourself to see them. They will protect you once you learn them. I think you will find that you had some instinct warning or cautions that were overlooked or dismissed by either old ways of thinking or performance of the N.
KEEP going...keep reading and asking. Until you feel confident again. It will come.

I wrote a little about this in my post "Strength,love lessons and refueling."

and Neverlookback's recent post may help too.

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/08/21/what-i-have-learned-my-year

Also,have you read the My story section?There will be lightbulb moments and they will help.

Yes, he is having a blast.. he will continue pursuing an empty life. There is no hope for him...he will always be sick. YOU however will be changed forever and YOU are growing in a positive direction.YOU are headed towards the good stuff...YOU won't settle for EMPTY.He tried to empty you...but you will refuel.

trust that you on the right path and give yourself the gift of patience. You had it for him...now be as kind to yourself.

(hug) *warm smile*

Truth

I have been NC less than a week, thinking ok, I can do this, like I am healing in record time...I , like you and everyone else wants the healing to go quickly and painlessly. I denied myself to feel the pain of what he did to me because it hurt so bad to relive, remember and feel crappy about what he had done to me, nearly ruined my close to perfect life. You have to face the pain and the truth before you can move forward. And him with OW? He will do the same to her. He will treat her just as bad. She will one day be discarded, so feel sorry for her. It may seem like they are having a grand time, but he is a N, and they are constantly manipulating and lying. My N cheated on me with numerous women, and I was the OW unbeknownst to me, but I had the pleasure of being contacted by several of these women (they found my cell number in his "trophy" drawer along with several of my gstrings, which I never knew where they disappeared to...ughhhh) and we compared stories and he said the same things to them verbatim, bought them same jewelry and perfume, took them to same places, blah blah blah....and they were beautiful smart women...and he eventually D&D them, always cyclic, like every 3 months he would scout for NS. My point is, any relationship your N has will always end up the same. He is common denominator and he will not change. Don't sell yourself short, you said his newbie is a bombshell...it doesn't matter, she will have her day of discard. Hope this was helpful. Just keep reading here. Good luck

Telling you what you already know....life isn't fair, and life is difficult.

If life was fair there wouldnt be any Narcs here at all. Thinking about the Narc at all just kept me in the middle of that world, her world. I would get so mad at myself for even thinking about her at all.

On one level it is all easy to see. We got manipulated by liars. They lied, and we swallowed it. And we wanted it. And thought they were providing it. But the ability to feel what we felt speaks of our abilities and gifts, not theirs at all. They have to be a Narc for the rest of their lives...all the literature says they dont change and dont get better...I'd rather have to recover a hurt than live with a personality disorder the rest of my life. Whether they know how sick they are is not relevant to my recovery...what is relevant is how I use the information I have been given for my recovery.

Just get better and make sure you aren't available to him again, it is more pointless senseless pain, and it will bring you nothing but grief, or worse. What's fair is that you are being told the truth now, and you know it is truth. Don't let go of it, and be open to the new that is coming your way.

Clarity will come, and you will see that most of our stories are really the same, and that all you are missing is a dream that never was.

ds