Seeing my friends from my old place where him and i worked together and where we met and most of our memories where at didn't help me today. Knowing he is still being his charming self around everyone makes me mad. I had to leave the place that I loved to work at with people I loved to work with because the sight of him used to make me crumble and I wasn't able to move on or stop contacting him because this was our routine! I would walk with him into work, we would get coffe and breakfast together. Text throughout the day. We had our own meeting spot that I would go see him 2 times throughout the day... If I was working a 12 and he worked an 8 he would come see me before he left for the day. He would make special trips up to my floor just to see me. On the days we both worked 8 hour days we would just drive into work together because he spent every night at my house anyways. I was addicted to him. And I realize it more and more now. I just wanted to spend every moment with him because I thought he was the one. But really, his jokes were corny, he didn't know how to communicate or express any type of feelings what so ever except when it came to wanting me for sex... Which even when that happened he sounded rediculous! I was insanely sexually attracted to him. I would do it any or everywhere if I could but of course he couldnt because of his ED. I became this crazy person with him. I thought he was the most attractive man ever.. And I hate that. I hate that something do small today made these emotions come back. I know it will be different tomorrow. But I haven't cried about him in a while... And today I did.
I don't know if he is still with OW I don't know anything and I want to keep it that way. I told my friend I don't even want to know of he is on his death bed wanting to see me... I would not see him. I hate him. I don't want to contact him and I am still so petrified to ever see him. I HATE THIS