Tempted to spy on his FB again!

Tempted to spy on his FB again!
Posted August 12, 2012 - 10:54pm
0

bloody hell.

Just 24 hours true NC with him and his friends, and the urge to unblock them all and spy grows more intense.

I had a dream that he had a new girlfriend. Although he is 47 and looks 60, she was about 25, happy looking, with bright red dyed hair, cut above the shoulder, and looked rather overweight (like me).

I thought, That could have been me, if only I was more funky, social and interesting....

But it can't be true, he hates fat girls, and has no time for anyone except his own boring self. Plus he'd find some excuse to criticize her fire engine red hair anyway.

All of this, over a dream about an imaginary woman!
Maybe these dreams are just the mental poison finally leaving my system....

NC NC NC

‹ Could he be right? My thoughts won't stop racing towards the end of the night. ›
Deidre99's picture

Whenever we break NC, or

August 13, 2012 - 10:23am — Deidre99

Whenever we break NC, or 'think of' doing so...the reasons behind it, have little to do with the narc.

Breaking NC, whether that's direct or more indirect as your wishing to spy on FB, is about being a little frightened of what life will be like, completely letting go. When we break NC, it's because it's a bit easier (and has become a habit) than working on ourselves.

It takes the focus off of what YOU need to work on, and distracts you from that main mission. It's an escape from your own reality, which is often why we stayed with the narcs for longer than we should have, anyways.

So, maybe view it like that. What are you really hoping to gain from peeking at FB? Is it really more that you don't want to deal with your own issues? Are you hoping for some great cosmic answer to life's woes through peeking at his FB?

Nothing good will come of it, and I submit to you, that it will impede your healing process.

Scarlett's picture

Don't do it!

August 13, 2012 - 7:53am — Scarlett

I say this as someone who received several messages from him - one telling me how he was in therapy and not happy with his job, with being alone etc., then a message for my birthday.

I then looked at his FB and it has done me no good at all. I really thought I'd moved on, but this has set me back. I felt sad at the thought he was miserable, now I feel sad as he looks to be having a fine old time and the same day he sent a message trying to get me to come and talk to him, he posted a pic of him and this girl on a long-distance bus. I mean she'd hardly be going on a trip with him if she'd only just met him, so I guess the "Woe is me" email was just trying to provoke a reaction.

Everyone on here is SO right about NC. It is like some inexplicable weakness / addiction and no matter how much you think you're better, they can still have this effect.

You are better not knowing. What could you find that would be good for you to see/ read? If you still have feelings for him and he looks like he's not happy, you will feel that pull of empathy again. If he's getting on just fine and is with someone new, you'll feel sick. Even just seeing him having happy interactions / adding new friends is not good as it leaves you wondering if maybe he isn't a narc and you got it wrong / it's your fault.

I didn't post my problems as a separate thread as I really don't need "I told you so's" or berating by others on here, but if I can stop someone else making this mistake, that will be a good thing.

lessonlearned's picture

why would anyone

August 13, 2012 - 10:10am — lessonlearned

berate you? you peeked, you felt like shit as a result, & you probably won't be doing it again anytime soon, right? that's called learning :)

i'm actually really impressed that he remembered your birthday, lol! my exN was highly accomplished at "forgetting" everyone's birthday ("you know i'm bad with dates!"), including his own children's. such an amazing POS.

i agree with you that the empathy pull is a dangerous one, though...mine hoovered me mercilessly in the beginning with stories of how sad he was without me, suicide threats (i kept the vm just in case i ever need to go to court & show how unstable he is), lonely, hurt, waaaaaah waaaaaah waaaaaah! of course it was all an act.

maybe we should come up with an award show for these freaks?

Most Attempted Hoovers from Unknown #s Award
Biggest FB Fail Pics that Exposed His Cheating Award
Most Outrageous Lie that He Expected Someone to Believe Award

and of course, the actual award should be a mirror. cracked mirror :)

kollontai77's picture

yeah, I doubted whether

August 13, 2012 - 8:03am — kollontai77

he was really a narc, whether I was to blame. Most of his facebook interactions are fairly upbeat, make him look popular and almost normal. Every woman he added as a friend, I would wonder if she was a new gf. I got sucked into writing to him when he was exploding with rage about an "unfair" parenting decision his ex made - of course he continued to ignore me.

Eery time I stalked his fb I was just reinforcing his public persona in my mind, and forgetting how twisted, manipulative, cold and cruel he really was.

There needs to be vomiting emoticons on here.

kollontai77's picture

Staying strong

August 13, 2012 - 7:53am — kollontai77

staying away from them all. Apart from reading narcissist abuse forums all day, and resisting the urge to peek on fb, I have been having revenge (of a sort) fantasies, of running into him on a film set some years down the track, and ignoring him!

But he would only resent me and bitch behind my back anyway, like he does with all the others in the film/ photography industry who are actually doing well, and not blaming everyone else for their lack of achievement. He has such a nasty case of sour grapes, he could pickle himself in vinegar.

what a mean spirited loser he is!
He even runs down very successful filmmakers from our state, saying "who are they"?
He will go to any length to feel superior, though he is anything but.
*spew*

Journey's picture

Don't do it! It was just a

August 13, 2012 - 2:48am — Journey

Don't do it! It was just a dream. The less you know, the less you will be able to imagine with any sense of what's real. It is better that way believe me. Getting glimpses will keep your imagination in high gear and that does you no good.

Contact = pain - every time!

round3's picture

Be careful of what you think you NEED to know

August 13, 2012 - 6:43am — round3

I had a friend that told me that once. And it didn't make sense. Until I HAD to know why my Husband (at the time) left. .....

he answered one day when I asked. And it was so shocking and so hurtful that I could barely stand it....

I still have that NEED to know, but I try to remember what happened that one time I just HAD to know...

That shit will kill me every time...

block him. Block his friends.. it's just FB, it's not reality... and blocking just takes away the temptation because it turns it into a "can't" instead of a "shouldn't".

round3