I didn't think I would be back here again...
What a fool I am. I had been on this site because of affair with a narc, he wrote me off, gave me silent treatment for months, then texts me on Valentines Day trying to reconnect. He strung me along via texts for months...I fell into the pattern again of becoming addicted to his texts and any attention he gave me. We eventually met up, had sex few times....he even said he wanted to work with each other to become "one". I was head over heels again. We talked about trust issues I had with him from the past, and he said he was being honest with me from now on, of course I didn't believe that....eventually he felt i was getting too close emotionally, I called him on afew things from the past...well he wrote me off again....I blocked his text and emails.
I can't believe I once again let him get me into his trap, as if he wanted to become a couple vs just being lovers. Once I got too close he started to pull away. He told me he has liver cancer, he gets treatments each week so he is very tired and rests after work (when we were together last year he told me he had brain tumor and I found it he lied). How could I not believe that he was sick? But how could I believe that he was sick after past lies? I work in medical field, I asked him about his treatments and medications he is taking....he showed me vitamin D, naprosyn. He ignored my question of what treatment he gets....red flag...so when he couldn't see me he said it because he tired from treatment. He told me he couldn't see me last week because his ex had a baby and he needed to get DNA testing. I was like WTF? I know he just making up stories so he can say he's too busy to see me.
Last year he cheated behind my back with numerous girls from work, and I was also the other woman as he had girlfriend and a wife, unbeknownst to me. I was contacted by a few of his ex girlfriends who told me plenty, and I knew then he had lied to my face...I was floored. But yet I did again, he got me again. I thought because I was so in love with his fake persona last year, that I would take him any way I can in my life, and that meant me being dishonest, being a cheater again, a liar, a tramp...just to get attention from the man I thought he was.
But I guess it a process. Lucky for me I know his exes and I know it always ends the same with him in any relationship. I just made a fool out of myself pining away for him, telling him I wanted him....he thrived on that. How sick.. But this time now that he wrote me off again , I did text him a sorry it didn't work out text, I didn't go crazy on him like he wanted me too. (so he could validated writing me off), I told him block my phone if you want, to take care of himself, blah blah...he texted back good bye. I texted back no problem. I blocked his phone n emails and I did it so I can't contact him either. I have to go no contact, which should be easier this time as I am not crying over this, I feel a sense of relief as I knew I was being deceived. And I glad, even though he called me selfish, I didn't call him any bad names or say anything about his character. Tomorrow I know I will be sad, looking for texts from him that will never come, texts that make me feel good about myself as if I needed him to validate me. And here's a clincher, and let me preface with I am not judging anyone for their ethnicity or profession....but I have a PHD, I make good money, I love to have fun, I many interests, I am a great mom, I have a lot of friends, well liked and respected, smart, pretty, sexy, dress very nice, keep an impeccable home, go to church , have faith, etc....and here he is...fat, graying hair, dead end job as housekeeping supervisor in the worst hospital in Brooklyn, screws anyone and everyone he works with, lies like a pro, has a small penis, only one testicle, did I mention he lies lies lies, stole money out of my wallet when I was in shower, asked me to buy him pillows n underwear n his favorite candy of chocolate covered peanuts and Chinese food and he offers me or buys me nothing, is Puerto RIcan and talks about "those white bitches at work", is short, has a messy apartment....why do I even want him? What is wrong with me that I need this man, who I fell in love with the fake man he is, to validate that I am sexy and wanted? The only way to go is no contact, it will be hard. I will miss when he calls me baby, bebe, mami,, sexy, love...but from being on this site few months ago learning about narcs, I know it's a no win situation with him. Let's hope I am not with him for round 3....and to all who read this, I hope it made sense, as i have a few glasses of wine under my belt.