I am having a horrible day. Why can't my feelings just be consistant?!?! I want this stupid ass hole off of my mind. I want to forget about him! But instead I have a good day like yesterday and then today I can not stop thinking about him and putting more and more pieces together to the fucked up puzzle. I hate him. And I am so upset today that I can cry at any moment. What doesn't help is how horrid work was as well today. I know it is his disease. I know he doesnt care about anyone. I know he is not right for me. I just want to feel better already! I get in this funk because I can not believe how blind I was!!!! It kills me knowing how much I put into this man for him to just drop me like a bad habit. I know I will be better tomorrow. I am just so upset today! This is day 12 no contact and I am not going to lie that I did have the urge to contact him today because of how sad I am. But I didn't. I won't. Contact = pain and I dont want to feel any worse then this.