Register and join our discussion in the Message Board
Hi, I haven't been on here for a long time. I had seeked out help and found this place because of my ex.
I just met a man recently who at first seemed really great! He took me out a few times, and was so fun to talk to, and took me out for coffee and meals, talking and laughing, having a good time. The 2nd time we went out was almost magical. I felt a real connection with him and thought he was really starting to like me. I have to admit though, he kept refering to me as "friend". (the dreaded f-word).
After that 2nd night though, he came the next morning to take me out to breakfast. Something wasnt the same anymore.
When i was telling him a story about my past, he judged me and told me i brought it on myself. Okay maybe thats true but he didnt have to say it,and i could feel that he was impatient as soon as i had started talking.
After that day, i didnt bother texting him because i thought i scared him away by telling him too much. So 4 days go by and he sends me a text, "Are u out of town? Long time no talk, no text. Are you ok?" The wierd thing about him saying this is that he never called or texted me neither. lol Its like he's saying, "Why arent you running after me?"
So then we went out the day after that.Still not the same as he was that night. Infact, a little more rude. He took me to go have a coffee and is spending even more time texting ppl than the last 2 times. He asks me if i mind if his friend Carol joins us for coffee. I say no. She is gay and has a girlfriend so nothing to worry about. not like she wants him. Her and i talked alot and i really enjoyed the conversation. I think that erked him. It became obvious that he wanted to be the one talking . Oh well. The part that really stood out to me though is when i was saying something to him, and he looked right past me as if something was really interesting. I turned and saw nothing. I stopped talking and said......"anyway"......then he repeated what i said, which showed he was doing that on purpose.ok here are all the other reasons i think he might be a narc:
When he first saw me at my friend's potluck, he said the reason he came and talked to me was because it seemed i barely noticed him, and he found that unusual, compared to how other women react to him
He has a hero complex
He took me to a mall and kept me waiting for a long time outside a phone store while he enquired about something he could have done another time
asked me if i wanted him to buy me lunch after that.instead of doing it
he is on facebook bragging about all his accomplishments, some of them years ago
hasnt bothered contacting me for 10 days now, exept this morning by accident because he thought he was sending the text to his friend Carol. Before this, he was talking about us going to this place and that place together, etc.
and whats with this "friend" thing? This guy is hard to read. I dont know if he's gay, uninterested, playing mind games.....? What does everyone think? And he hasnt shown me where he lives. Then again, we'ver only been out 4 times.
NEEEEXT! Move on...forget
August 8, 2012 - 12:36pm — Deidre99NEEEEXT!
Move on...forget about this guy.
He should be putting his best foot forward. Already testing you. Already playing petty head games. Trying to make you jealous, about telling you about other women.
Loser with a capital L.
Keep fishin ;)
You're already questioning
August 8, 2012 - 9:27am — FroglegsYou're already questioning his behavior. Listen to your gut. It's telling you something.
in any event
August 8, 2012 - 6:48am — Aftermathno matter what the actual truth is - this emotional salad vibe he radiates is tickling your intuition.
You already know what you need to from life experience and common sense to arrive at a sensible conclusion.:
it does not matter. Confusing people should not be occupy time better spent - being well spent.
Ask yourself not what is wrong with him, but how his actions make you feel.
indiffrencesucks
August 8, 2012 - 4:13am — UsedYou know the answer, otherwise you wouldnt have asked this....you dont have to put up with this crap....he has laid it on the table YOU ARE ONLY A FRIEND.....Well stuff him and his so called friendship....and as for the respect he shows his friend who is gay, is simply cos he has no agenda with her....she is gay she doesnt want him...LOL...So he knows 1 there is no sport in playing games with her and 2 she would kick him in touch by the sounds of it......everything he has done and said is to undermind and humiliate you.....Thats all you need to know...
WHO NEEDS A FRIEND LIKE THIS???
Tell him
August 8, 2012 - 1:48am — sweetpeasarahto JOG ON, hun, he may not be a Narc, but he sure sounds stuck up his own ass, to put it bluntly!
As others have said, your uneasy about him, enough said.
hugs
xx
Thankyou everyone
August 8, 2012 - 1:07am — Brooke1for taking the time to read my post, and for your comments. I have more healing to do than I thought. Just the fact that I would miss this guy and consider having him in my life after all these wrong things Ive noticed (and I dont think I mentioned even half of them),over a 4 day period, tells me something is wrong. I hope I end up with a decent man some day. I hope that for all of us.
RUN AWAY!
August 8, 2012 - 12:08am — moving_onRUN AWAY!
moving_on
August 8, 2012 - 12:11am — Brooke1Okay, so its not just me, right? Is there a certain part that stands out to you?
1. He has a hero complex2.
August 8, 2012 - 12:28am — moving_on1. He has a hero complex
2. He took me to a mall and kept me waiting for a long time outside a phone store while he enquired about something he could have done another time
3. asked me if i wanted him to buy me lunch after that.instead of doing it
4. he is on facebook bragging about all his accomplishments, some of them years ago
Those were the RED FLAGS I had when I met my super ASSHOLE. And he was just like yours: hero complex, bragging himself on his accomplishments, he kept me waiting for him too....That SCHMUCK!
I didn't run when everybody else told me to do so...and I'm still paying the price for that!
So please! Be smarter than me! AND RUN!
Here is my story: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2012/07/20/too-good-be-true
moving_on
August 8, 2012 - 12:59am — Brooke1Wow! I just read your story! What a horrible ride. I'm glad you left. I need to stop settling for these kind of men. Its time I stop trying to overlook these wierd things. I dont want to go through this narc-rollercoaster ride anymore. Thankyou for your story,and comments.
Indifference sucks
August 7, 2012 - 10:42pm — Janie53My question to you is why are you posing this question? My question is rhetorical, of course, but if you are throwing this out to us then you clearly are having reservations. Please learn to trust your gut. If you are in a place where you still are uncertain, then I would recommend putting dating on hold until you have established a better sense of self. We need to trust ourselves first and foremost; always and forever.
Keep working on you; you will love what you discover.
Stay true!
Janie
Sounds like a waste of time
August 7, 2012 - 10:25pm — HunterSounds like a waste of time to me..
I think you know the answer..
Hunter
This is what got us in
August 7, 2012 - 8:43pm — pathtopeaceThis is what got us in trouble in the first place. Red flags are everywhere, stabbing us in the face, but we choose to ignore it for the benefit of the doubt. Reading this, my stomach knotted up and said RUNNNN!!! I would ditch that douche.
pathtopeace
August 7, 2012 - 8:49pm — Brooke1Okay, I wasnt sure and didn't want to jump to conclusions. But I have to say, these things he has said and done after only my short few times with him are already looking bad and ringing a bell.
it's not jumping
August 8, 2012 - 6:51am — Aftermathto conclusions. It's your intuition setting off the asslord alarm.
RUDE!!
August 8, 2012 - 4:48am — florence (not verified)Rude BASTARD! Ugh! You should have left him in the bloody mall & god rot him & good riddance. At best, this numptie tested your boundaries and the fact you've recognised & heeded the red flags shows said boundaries are back in place. But they need a lot of reinforcing so that you don't give jokers like this the time of day ever again.
Well done to your gut! Flo x
Yes...I think from what
August 7, 2012 - 9:04pm — pathtopeaceYes...I think from what you're writing, you're having "gut" feelings, right? Trust them! From what ive learned from my narc experience is if anything he does makes you feel bad in the beginning, it'll just get worse. I remember sitting in my car with my drunken exn, and he was crying saying "I need help." Red flag! I ignored my gut feeling because I thought I could help him. Instead, I've lost myself. It makes you wonder, is there any genuine men out there?
You already know
August 7, 2012 - 8:18pm — LaceyHe's already made it clear that "words" mean nothing. Friends? Really? That's not how "friends" treat each other. He may or may not be an "N", but there's a definitely a communication breakdown when you need someone who's honest and forthcoming.
But maybe in the future, keep all the past stuff to yourself until you have a HISTORY with the person and you know it can't be used to treat you differently. You didn't know this guy well enough to say you could trust him, yet you opened up quickly and his behavior changed.
That may be a lesson for ALL of us venturing out and meeting people. Thank you for sharing it! It may help someone else in the future (especially me)!
Lacey
August 7, 2012 - 8:26pm — Brooke1Thankyou! Yes Ive learned alot just from going out with this guy a few times. I honestly can't believe what a big mouth I had! Its like I subconciously wanted to ruin things for myself or something. I dont know why I just trusted him right away either, after all the countless times Ive been hurt.
Is it my fault?
August 7, 2012 - 8:12pm — Brooke1I showed him too much of my low self asteem. I told him too much of my weaknesses and feel like I presented myself in such a way that invited this treatment. Is this way he could turn like this on me?
I used to have a neighbor who was very emotionally abusive to his girlfriend. One day they broke up. Next thing you know he has another one, but wasnt horrible to her (that i know of). She was more confident than the first girl. Is this part of it?
I guess this is when you need
August 7, 2012 - 8:04pm — beautifulmessI guess this is when you need to ask yourself why you would want to go out with someone again after they are rude to you? It sounds like this man is already getting the impression he can be rude to you and get away with it..RUN now while you still can..
you're right
August 7, 2012 - 8:08pm — Brooke1I just want to know how it is that he's been freinds with that other lady for so long when she has such a strong personality and is not the type to put up with anything. Obviously he has treated her better, which bugs me.
He seemed so perfect for a few days! :(
Ok, you have only been out
August 7, 2012 - 8:23pm — beautifulmessOk, you have only been out with him four times and you are already spinning..RUN!
LOL
August 7, 2012 - 8:28pm — Brooke1I know. Something feels very familiar. not good.
Is he trying to confuse me on purpose?
August 7, 2012 - 8:02pm — Brooke1i was wondering why, if he's refering to me as a freind, why he put his hand on my knee after i got in his car the other morning to go for breakfast. Maybe this means nothing, or he is trying to baffle my mind. hmmmmm
He's an N
August 7, 2012 - 7:37pm — kollontai77Classic Narcissistic mind games, the N I knew was much the same. Run!