One of my girlfriends, sweet but too naive, is trying to date again after divorce from a long marriage to a liar and a cheater. You would think she would know the signs, or at least listen to me when I warn her, but NO. She wants a "true love" so bad, she acts like an idiot. I am trying to be patient, but it is hard. I've warned her about online dating sites, I've warned her about long distance relationships -- her ex used to travel with his "job" and cheat, and yet -- she sets herself up.
She has been talking to a man she met on a dating site for about seven months. She never gets him on the phone, he has to call her back. RED FLAG. He sends her email early in the morning and late at night on weekends, during the day during the week. Sometimes he doesn't get back to her for several days. RED FLAG. He has requested "racy" pictures. RED FLAG. They have not met. He wants to have "phone sex". He wants to see her and have phone sex on SKYPE! RED FLAG, RED FLAG He was supposed to come visit her, she got sick, he didn't stop to see her. He was supposed to come THIS WEEK, sometime, and now has changed his mind. She is devastated. He told her, "It is too far for me to drive and not have a place to stay. I want to sleep with you. I am a grown man, you are a grown woman. I want to have sex. It doesn't matter that we have not met, we know each other. You might be my soul mate. I would never commit to a relationship if I wasn't having sex. " In other words, he will drive over if she will have sex with him. If she won't commit, he's not making the drive. RED FLAG. He has said on his web site that he would relocate for the right woman (one that will do whatever he tells her to?) This is a set up for triangulation. If you are far away, you will not know the same people or be seen out with each other around town. RED FLAG.
Really? Seriously? Why do women fall for this bull? Because we want to love and be loved and we all keep our love goggles on, in hope of finding Mr Right. How can I get her to see he has done her a favor by not coming to see her? How can I get her to go NC with this guy? How many more flags does she need? I am almost to the point of telling her not to talk to ne anymore, if she wants to commit emotional suicide, then Jump Right In!!! I hate to do it, but until she figures this out, I can only watch and shake my head in disbelief. I learned the hard way, pain is a great teacher, but please God, never again.