I want tho share this, because I see many posts about the frustration of never have been acknowledged as the official girlfriend or having a comitted relationship with the Narc.
When I started the relationship with my x-N, I was OW. Then life changed and I was upgraded to friend with benefits, dark secret or however we want to call it.
After many cycles of I-D&D, I ended-up being the official girlfriend. During the last year, he was showing me off to family and friends as if I was the greatest catch in the world.
I've learnt the hard way that it doesn't matter your status in the relationship, you always feel miserable, because you emotional needs are not met and you feel lonely, insecure and worthless.
I spent over 4 years of my life trying to be his girl and I finally got it. It was like a contest where the prize was an idiot. Please don't waste your time. Time is valuable. I'm starting to regret my relationship by minutes now, not just by years.
A big hug and thank you for all the help I found here