Innerstrength's Story

2 Years Later....

I could write this from a victims standpoint (Which sometimes I still feel) but today I am wrtiting this from a survivors standpoint. My ex was having a sexting affair with the mother of his first child, at which point I told him to make a desision, he said he wanted our family and our marriage, only to find out months later he was having another affair with someone from out of town. (He is a truckdriver) When I asked him about it he denied everything, and then poof! I'm not happy I don't know what I want, I have feelings for her...blah blah blah. After we separated I started to find out all the other women he had been flirting with, the lies, OMG the lies..., then there were the prostitues, oh and not to mention so sort of attachment he had with my BROTHERS's wife! So in the end he left me for her. I think I cried for the first two months feeling worthless, tossed out with yesterday's garbage, wondering how I was going to look after myself, two kids and the finances, it was overwhelming. I managed to go back to work but not for long, my stress level was still through the roof the anxiety I felt was terrifying,a friend of mine finally told me to get some help. I had been seeing my councilor every week for months, my family doctor for months, yet it wasn't enough. My doctor felt it was time to put me on some meds, something else to feel like a fairlure about, because I couldn't cope and couldn't hand the stress, but I did it. I took the kids to school and went back to bed, went to get them and just exisited. I started to feel better, went back to work...in a year and a half I lost my husband (who is dead in my eyes), my house, my job. So I went back to school, I would not let him take the best of me, you know how they say don't get mad get even, I have gotten even by learning how to be happy on my own, and being happy with my life. He hates it, he thought I would come crawling back to him and I did the exact opposite of everything he thought I would do. There is sooo much more to this story than I could ever tell you.
The point is ladies, you don't need them, you are strong, independant woman, dig deep believe in yourself, but most of all be patient with yourself, you will get there I promise you. You deserve better, someone who will treat you with respect and kindness and loyalty. If you need to cry, then cry, if you need to scream, do it (I did, drove into the middle of no where and screamed my face off). Don't bury the feelings, feel them and allow them to heal. On those really dark days, find someone to hang onto, it is so important, but don't give in to them, they don't deserve the best part of you!
For those of you that believe in Karma; my ex and the woman are still together BUT, she has cheated on him, and he on her, he was charged with drinking and driving, lost his license for three months and then his job, the two of them got into a fight and she called the police and he was charged with assault, had to go to court, I saw him today and told him he looks like shit. No response from him, I think life has beaten him down a bit. LOL! You know the truth don't question yourselves, stick to what you know and you won't steer yourself wrong! I send all of you hugs, and love, and there are people out there who understand...find the Innerstrength to survive and you will!