Thank you guys for sharing your stories! It's so validating to know that his behavior was abuse and not just me being crazy x

I offer this:
My coach kept nailing me in the face every time I sparred him. I would throw a hit into my target but every time I got that same stiff jab into my face. It hurt like hell. Yet I kept using the same approach thinking "this should work. WHAT THE HELL?"

With heavy sparring gear on - no AC in summer - and 6 3 minute rounds my face became swollen and I was hurting. I felt like I had learned what I should know from all the yrs of intense training. Why was my approach with this opponent not working?

As I sat their catching my breath I hung my head down feeling mad at myself and defeated. He sat down next to me and said nothing for a minute. Eventually he asked...How many times are you going to walk into my jab until you realize your approach is not working? Why don't you pivot out of the way of my jab and find a different angle?

What I found is that the opponent sought and noted my weak spot - he looked for it - he danced around and waited for me to walk into that zone and with a stiff jab that jarred the hell out of my skull.

In your situation - you likely (?) tried using the skills you accumulated over a lifetime of relationships. What works and what does not.

With a pathological N, those skills are not met with fair tactical advantage. In other words...most know not to bring boxing gloves to a gun fight. We can't stop or outrun a bullet with boxing gear. There is no good outcome for a fair participant to be involved with someone who does not embrace the laws and rules of social participation. We cannot ever win. Sometimes we take away hard lessons instead.

Hang in there and pivot off - never take another jab, my friend.

YES! The subtle jabs! Mine was a champion gold medal
in that sport.
I remember going hiking with her one day in frigid subzero temps. Not to terribly bad hiking weather actually, if you have the right apparel. Unfortunately, I didn't and of course she didn't offer to share any of her expensive gear. Anyhow, when we were just about to the top of the summit and I was only about two or three steps behind her, she took a jab at me "I remember when I was your size I had a really hard time getting up these hills"
F-ing B****

Keep in mind I was only about 5-7 lbs overweight at the time!!! Being a smoker what was really holding me back, but not by much!!! There were lots of other subtle jabs. Like when we go into a store and i would hold up a shirt or a hat and she would shake her head NO.
It was like she was just utterly repulsed by my body, face, and oh yeah, let's not forget the hair.
I think we coined a new term here....the SJ = Subtle Jab
Thank you for sharing this. I am sorry you got torn down like so many here did. One by one we are going to get back up on that horse and start paying attention to our strengths and qualities and beauty! Rock on, Lady!
xx, Rose

"You are the best lover I've ever had, but I'm not sexually attracted to you. I would like to desire you more!".

I want him dead : )

I feel the same way but I am struggling with it. How does someone that says they love you do such cruel things. It's disturbing to say the least. I hope I can learn to be more positive.

I put a post on another thread about this exact thing today. I wasn't overtly abused and there was never any physical violence but drop by drop he would say things like

"You know so&so really doesn't like you at all cant stand you,(someone I hardly knew) and then say "but I defended you said you were really a nice person"

Our mutual friend who at the time was staying at my exNs house. when his ex wife came to drop off the children.
My exN said to me " He thinks I should get back together with my ex wife because we get on so well together and we have children together,but I told him that was ridiculous"
WHY TELL ME THOSE THINGS???

My friend was having Spanish lessons from him and he said "You know she is quite a flirt she kept pointing out suggestive words in Spanish for him to translate but he said "Of course I just ignored her but I knew what she was driving at I don't fancy her at all I would never go there" probably a lie I trusted my friend he was just trying to put a seed of doubt!

Lots more examples like this .He is a very clever manipulative man.

I did ask him why he felt the need to tell me about our mutual friend saying that about his ex wife when he knew I was in a relationship with him He just said "Oh I just think he has never known a divorced couple who get on so well Its just that he has never experienced it in his family before"
But I knew by then It was one of his mind tricks to have a little jab at me!

I am so glad he is out of my life now only very recently last contact with him was 10 days ago long may it last!

Give is dome examples of the subtle jabs. I had many but they were all covered in love :/