kiteless79's story

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#1 Aug 1 - 4AM
kiteless79
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kiteless79's story

Female Xfactor narcissist

I met J (first initial of her real name) at the beginning of the year. My initial impressions were she was charming and friendly, I felt hooked by her from the start. I guess I should have noticed something was odd that during our first date she whisked me away from the bar we were in to take me to a karaoke bar so she could show of her singing ability, a typical ‘hey look at me’ narcissistic moment. For the record, she’s a good singer, but nothing earth shattering, but being the nice guy I am I complimented her nonetheless and encouraged her.

What followed was a whirlwind romance, we were making love within 2 weeks, we were out all the time together, going for walks, going for meals, romantic hotel breaks, constantly texting and phoning each other. I felt I had literally met my soul mate, I was so happy at the time; it was the most amazing time of my life. She was so supportive and caring, the fact that I was unemployed when I met her didn’t bother her and she was always saying lovely and wonderful things to me, it felt truly amazing to be alive. She works as a nurse and at the time I met her she had another job lined up elsewhere (she’s changed her job 4 times within 6 months of knowing her, very much a cerebral narcissist). Realizing I liked her I asked her to stay and she did, at the time it was the most humbling experience of my life, little did I know that this was a manipulation technique and that she had no plans to take that job.

2 months into the relationship she moved into a flat in town and from that point on we literally began living together. This is when I noticed her behaviour started to change. It all started after she went away for a week to participate in an x factor audition (she failed and then had the nerve to say she failed because she was madly in love with me). She came back that night, I was naturally happy to see her. Neither of us slept well that night and for some reason she got annoyed with me in the middle of the night, I told her she needed to calm down and I witnessed the first bout of narcissistic rage. She was screaming at the top of her voice for me to get out the flat or that she’d call the police and that the relationship was over. I was scared and confused, I couldn’t believe what was going on, I had never seen this side of her before, and I didn’t think she was even capable of it.

I spent the best part of a week trying to convince her not to give up on the relationship. What followed were more narcissistic rage episodes out of the blue. One night we were at a leaving do for one of her work colleagues, I didn’t know anyone there but I tried to be nice and friendly, I’m a shy guy in a room full of strangers, I did my best. When we got back to the flat she went crazy, she started throwing my stuff around the flat and out the front door. I couldn’t understand what I’d done wrong, I kept trying to make her calm down but she was just psychotic. Apparently I had embarrassed her or something, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

Another rage episode was when I was wearing some new shoes and she asked me who bought them. She made me feel incredibly insecure about my parents doing anything for me so I initially lied saying I had. She kept repeating the question so I gave in. She was in the bath at the time and she went crazy, she started splashing water at me and throwing things. She then got out and called my mother on the phone, screaming at her to pick me up. My whole family was shocked at this incident because only I at that point had witnessed the anger, which I had kept a secret so far. Keep in mind this woman is a pathological liar who initially told me her father was dead only to tell me later that he’s still alive, although this doesn’t count as lying in her book. She told me she spoke 5 languages too, which was as lie. She had learnt a few words and phrases in a pathetic attempt to impress any foreigner she bumped into for a feeble attempt to extract narcissistic supply.

She started to control me, abuse me and belittle me. She basically treated me like a child. She’d make sure I changed my underwear and my socks every day. She would say I smelled and constantly told me to use some deodorant. She would criticize my shaving, always running her hand over my face saying ‘you’ve missed a bit’. She made me wash my hands constantly; she’d make sure I used enough shower gel, she would criticize my pronunciation of words, heck she even tried putting a bib on me when I sat down for my lunch. She wouldn’t let me watch certain TV shows, even when she was in the other room or in the bath. She wouldn’t let me drink alcohol and claimed I was obnoxious under the influence. She always tried to act clever and used big words and spent ages reading work related books whilst ignoring me. She would constantly talk about herself; if she thought I wasn’t ‘paying attention’ she’d say to me ‘you’re not paying attention are you’. If I talked about myself she’d say ‘you’re waffling’ or interrupt me. She would constantly say ‘you’re doing my head in’ or she would attack me saying ‘what’s wrong with you’ when I was just sat there minding my own business. She would tell me to constantly ‘go home’ to my parents if I upset her in any way (breathing in her general direction would upset her). She would talk about needing space all the time. She would constantly criticize me and make me feel like I was incompetent or couldn’t do anything right. She would talk crap about my family when I was with her and seemed hell bent on me having nothing to do with my father (whom she was jealous of because he has a PhD), she used to bash me if my father gave me a lift but at the same time she was more than happy to use my father as a taxi when it suited her (she doesn’t drive). In the end it got so bad she didn’t even want me to go anywhere near my parents’ house at all, even though they’re both nice caring people who went out of their way to welcome her into the family and buy things for her flat. I still remember the day me and my farther spent most the day sat in her flat whilst she was at work so she could have a new boiler installed. So much kindness we gave her and we got nothing but abuse back. By far and away the worst incident is when we had a young 5 year old girl staying over in the flat (daughter of one of her work colleagues) and she proceeded to let rip at me because I didn’t give her cupcakes that she had made the amount of attention she felt they deserved (even though I ate a couple). I had to remind her that there was a young girl in the flat and to calm down, thankfully she did but it didn’t stop her from trying to shift all blame onto me.

Mixed in with all the abuse was plenty of sex, cuddles and ‘I love you’ moments. Deep down I loved her but at the time I couldn’t understand her behaviour. She used to fake modesty, she would say ‘I’m fiery’ or ‘please be patient with me, please don’t give up on me’. Like a sucker I fell for it every time. There were some oddities in her behaviour that made me questions whether she was self-aware. She would look at her calendar and count the days we’d been together and talk about it like the length of time spent together was a miracle. She would also say things to me like ‘I’m only building you up for the next woman’, or ‘I’m just using you for your body’. At the time I thought she was just joking but looking back on it, it sends chills down my spine.

She eventually devalued and discarded me 24 hours after making love to me and telling me how much she loved me. The day she dumped me also happened to be the first day of my job after finally landing one. This was 4 days after she talked about marriage and kids and moving into a house together. It was about as cruel, callous and heartless as you could get. Narcissism at its finest from a full blown (tick every criteria box you can) NPD whom masquerades behind claims of being a Buddhist, nothing more than a pathetic fraud.

It’s been two months since things ended and I’m still traumatized by the whole thing. Like most victims I never got closure, just a ‘keep the hell away from me’, ‘I’ve never slept better since deciding to dump you’, ‘I’ve got a new boyfriend and he’s much better in bed than you’ and the 'you'll never make a good father' text message. It was only from researching the internet that I figured out what she was.

I guess I miss the image I fell in love with, those first 2 months where everything seemed so perfect. I miss the dream also, the talk about marriage, kids, living together and growing old together. I gave the relationship 100%, tried everything I could to love and care for her and I’m treated like toilet paper.

Everyone tells me I’ve had a lucky escape because I didn’t get her pregnant or marry her, but at the same time I don’t feel lucky. I wish I could rid myself of the anger I have towards her. I’m passed the stage of reconciliation because I know that it’s impossible with an NPD and I don’t miss the abuse but the feeling of being used, abused and discarded like you meant nothing to that person is a bitter pill to swallow.

Whilst I am currently no contact with her, enhanced by the fact that she wants nothing to do with me (I am not even worthy of being a friend apparently, probably because I told her too many truths, including telling her she was too angry and controlling), she lives down the road from where I work and I have bumped into her a few times. Escaping from her memory in that sense is incredibly hard. I can honestly say hand on heart, I have never met a more abusive, toxic and evil person in my life, and I loved this person too! It’s a shocking experience, one I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Thank you all for reading; I hope you all find peace and healing. It’s a long road for me but any support, I truly appreciate!

Aug 11 - 5PM
florence (not verified)
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Early days

Aug 11 - 2PM
florence (not verified)
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Hi kiteless79

Aug 11 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
kiteless79
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Thanks for your support. I

Aug 11 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
florence (not verified)
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PS I can't spell!

Aug 11 - 2PM
nocontactforever78
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Textbook narcissist if I've

Aug 1 - 7AM
Hunter
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Welcome to Narcville... Same

Aug 1 - 6AM
Narcisgone
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Sounds familiar

Aug 1 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
kiteless79
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Thank you I don't think I'll

Aug 11 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
round3
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Welcome!

Aug 12 - 2AM (Reply to #4)
kiteless79
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I keep reading about how