What you're saying makes perfect sense. I don't know how long since he D&D 'd you or the circumstances but I know from many times being discarded and hoovered how you you feel.

I think the advice you've been given here is spot on.

I got so used to being discarded and hoovered that I never really took the time during nc to do the work on myself. I was always vulnerable to hoovers and I think I still could be now. It's been 5 weeks nc almost now. The longest he ever left be alone for before was 12 days. I do think he won't Hoover now or not for a very long time of ever. And I mean like years or months and I think only an indirect Hoover. I think I just became too exhausting for him and it was no fun playing with me and trying to control me anymore so he just have up and moved onto new supply. Or old supply recycled. I don't know for sure because I've tried to protect myself now fr knowing. It hurts too much and isn't good for my recovery.

A Hoover isn't a Compliment and to me they are very dangerous because I can get sucked back in before I realise it. I've hoped he'd Hoover but I've gone past the worst of that for the moment and am actually fearing him hoovering or seeing him at all but I can't keep hiding like this forever I know. Just until stronger.

It's difficult to deal with fear or rejection or abandonment. That's why I've never broken nc since the first few times he D&D'd me. The pain of the possible rejection is just to much. It's good you are working on this in therapy. What you are going through is perfectly natural and may just be the last thing to fix for you.

My ex n tried every Hoover trick in the book in the past. Begging, crying, pleading, promising me the world . Suicide threats, threats to harm me and my children and my ex partner, he smashed his car into a wall and left it parked accross my drive, he's threatened that if I have anyone else he will cut them open in front of me and then do the same to
Me. He's stalked he's bought gifts and holidays he's returned items of mine like a pair of dirty old garden flip flops just to make an excuse to contact he's smashed my car off the road with me in it. He's contacted through made up Facebook accounts in the past. The list goes on. I was just as addicted to the hoovering as I was to him. During the hoovering and luring I fantasised that he was the man I thought he was in the beginning even though I felt sick inside and knew it wasn't real.

This wanting him to Hoover is going to rise its head for me again and again in recovery sure. But like the girls say here we need to work really hard to go find the reason that we would want a Hoover off of them and why we think it would make us feel better. It's not healthy and it's extremely dangerous for us to be hoovered while we are still vulnerable . I ended up
So weakened by him that in the end he'd hoover and I just didn't have the strength to fight and I felt like I didn't have a choice. I've got to do the work now to try to deal with my issues that have mader feel that way.

You've come a long way. I remember you being here before when I was trying to get my head round this but I can't remember details.
You take care and keep working on you x

When he no longer matters to you. When you no longer look for a hoover to validate you...

You will then, no longer care if he hoovers or not.

That's the serious truth. Hoovering is not a compliment. If you get a hoover, it will be to get something off of you. New supply.

The drug of choice for a narc is narcissistic supply. You don't cowtow to him anymore, so why would he hoover? Narcs tend to hoover people if they sense they can still pull the wool over such person's eyes.

Would you rob a house that has a pretty secure alarm system, or would you rob a house where the front door is always left open? Same principle.

The front door is shut, and he senses you aren't letting him gain access again.

All that said...

when you no longer seek an ego boost from a possible hoover, you will stop worrying about one. ;)