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at bottom
wimom
Member since:
47 weeks 5 days
47 weeks 5 days
Last activity:
28 weeks 6 days
28 weeks 6 days
at bottom
Posted July 23, 2012 - 11:03am
i really am at bottom today
i am starting to believe that there is nothing wrong with him and that i have borderline personality disorder as he and his mother have claimed.
he left three years ago , we have been divorced since august but i cannot let go of him.
this week he was supposed to take our children on a weeks vacation to florida .
he refused to give me info until they were 20 minutes away from bording the plane.
turns out he was playing gigs, and taking the girlfriend.
last night i watched online as he and his gorgeous and young ( she is 12 years younger) girlfriend sang together on stage.
it isnt even jealousy it it like a ten ton wieght was dropped on the empire state building onto my heart.
i must be crazy ! he must be wonderful if he has moved on to find a better choice for him.
and if she is better for him how can she not be better for our kids.
he never would have thought in 12 years to take me on a trip like this , so obviously she is worthy on a whole other level.
i just need someone to be straight with me and tell me .... you are nuts, you are jealous and clingy and desperate and he is just a good guy trying to get on with his life.
i fear it is time to check myself in
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
"he and his mother"???? Give
July 24, 2012 - 5:43pm — Done sourcing"he and his mother"????
Give them power and they will take it. How nice for him that mommie agrees with his diagnosis of you. Do you see the simple comedy in that dynamic. Her poor poor boy was stuck with you....so they decide you are the sick one.
You were around these people for a long long time so you will just have to learn to be patient with yourself and with your healing. It doesn't unravel and become clear overnight or over a fortnight. But don't lose sight of the prize at the end of your recovery....which is freedom and peace. God sometimes does for us which we are unable to do for ourselves...in this case that something is removing you (maybe kicking and screaming) from the ultimate toxicity and darkness of his sickness.
You (nor the new object of his sickness) will never ever be enough to heal him of his disorder. He took and took from you, and he will continue on in his quest to find happiness and peace at the expense of his partners sanity. That is what they do, they have done, and they will always continue to do....which is why it is such a blessing that he is gone from your presence. You will see it that way, in bits and pieces, as time moves on. They are like emotional bulldozers behind a reflective mirage of happiness and joyfullness. An illusion that requres only that the recipient of the adoration and attention believe that it is real. The sick person behind the curtain always eventually appears, and then the real challenge begins. And in that challenge we always go through a period of self-doubt and denial. There is an emptiness in us that their disorder attaches to. I'm not saying we're sick or responsible for the disordered one...but on reflection in my case I now see that there were signs from the very beginning that I chose to ignore in favor of the heady wonderful sensationalism of being with my Narc.
We all pay the price for that....pain. But don't forget that after pain will come growth and joy for you, as it has for us all!
ds
DS
July 24, 2012 - 6:56pm — HunterThanks for popping in for a visit.. Don't be such a stranger.. We need your wisdom ..
Much Love...
Hunter
i am in awe of your depth and
July 24, 2012 - 6:52pm — wimomi am in awe of your depth and ability to convey in words the things i need my heart to hear.
if this journey enables me to be like many of the pposters on here it will be worth it.
Wimom, this is a wonderful
July 24, 2012 - 7:03pm — beautifulmessWimom, this is a wonderful place to be. Wonderful, loving and supportive!
If you are crazy.. Than so am
July 24, 2012 - 4:53pm — beautifulmessIf you are crazy.. Than so am I. My therapist is also a therapist we used as a couple who tells me he is psychopath.
You said: 'he never would
July 24, 2012 - 4:45pm — TruthbeginsTodayYou said:
'he never would have thought in 12 years to take me on a trip like this , so obviously she is worthy on a whole other level.'
This statement makes me so sad for you.YOU are worth so much more. THIS IS HIS GAME and I'm guessing that there are others in your life that have contributed to your diminished value of yourself?
Never look at yourself through the eyes of the N's. It's all a lie to keep you small. It's a LIE..a sick, cruel lie.
Keep reading and venting.
(hug) Truth
i wish i could reach out and
July 24, 2012 - 6:50pm — wimomi wish i could reach out and hug you all . you are helping me make it thru one breath at a time . i am so grateful
Your'e not crazy
July 24, 2012 - 3:11am — masqueradeThe number one thing with PDs is that either a they do not even know that they have a disorder or b , if they did know it, they would not ever admit it. So the fact that you are even questioning yourself is already leaning towards no.
Depressed and disillusioned people tend to ask themselves that question often, but not the disordered ones. They are too busy blaming you and using that as justification to themselves that they are not the one with any issues
Welcome to the forum Wimon, I
July 24, 2012 - 2:20am — JourneyWelcome to the forum Wimon, I am sorry for your pain. Have you considered looking into a one on one with Goldie (our lead Moderator) or joining the support group?
Read more about NPD and you will realize there is a lot of manipulation and control involved, with narcs always leaving the ones they discard with feelings of self doubt and lowered feelings of worth and confusion. I highly recommend that Goldie will be able to help you find some clarity and healing as you get yourself onto the path forward! xo
Wimom
July 23, 2012 - 10:33pm — Janie53Please start reading to educate yourself on narcissim. It is imperative one truly understands the disorder to be able to move forward. Download Lisa's book and in addition, read all the blogs and articles in the favorites section. Knowledge is power. Interesting how He and His Mom say you are borderline. Sounds like projection to me. Find a good therapist to help you sort tbough this confusion.
Stay true to you!
Janie
i have been reading the book
July 23, 2012 - 10:47pm — wimomi have been reading the book weekly !! it has been so helpful , but i start to wonder if i just buy into the npd thing because it gives me closure or a way to get away from the pain that i was not good enough for him.
Winom
July 23, 2012 - 10:50pm — Janie53The only person you have to be good enough for is you! Read the mods blogs and the favorites section. Lots of good info there.
Stay true to you!
Janie
First .. Let say .. What does
July 23, 2012 - 11:45am — HunterFirst .. Let say .. What does a man have in common with a woman12 years younger ??
I'm not a fan of such an age gap .. No matter how the relationship goes the older you get the gap widens!!
With that said .. Go to a thearpist and get this sorted out!
Hunter
The challenge that we all
July 23, 2012 - 11:22am — Deidre99The challenge that we all face/or have faced with these types of people is only measuring our worth through their eyes.
I see that's what you are doing, here. Even IF he seems to have ridden off into the sunset with this new girl...that doesn't mean anything was 'wrong' with you. That's the problem. Not so much that he has a 'new life,' but rather, why do you feel so bad that he never took you places? Is your worth the sum total of what this ONE MAN thinks?
I encourage you to look at what it is that causes you to view yourself in this way.
Because you view yourself as not worthy, you think he does. Because YOU view yourself as not as good as this new girl, you think he does. It's honestly not the other way around. If you thought highly of yourself, you wouldn't care what he's doing anymore. If you thought highly of yourself, you wouldn't question why he didn't do this or that with you, yet he will with her. You would DEMAND better treatment for yourself, regardless if that means losing someone.
That's where the problem comes in. You see yourself through his eyes, and I guess if he was with an unattractive woman who's older than you...would you feel better?
That's the thing. You probably would still feel bad.
The problem at this stage lies more within you, than him. I don't think you have a disorder, but you do need to stop looking for him online, and need to start working on yourself.
There's a whole world out there, and you are a worthwhile person. Don't allow one man to taint what you feel about yourself.
Stay strong.
deidre i so appreciate your
July 23, 2012 - 10:51pm — wimomdeidre
i so appreciate your candor. and support . i value someone being straight forward and making me accountable more than you all could understand. the fact that you took the time and thought to reach to me in the darkness is so inspiring . i do not like things sugar coated and sometimes i just need to get on my big girl panties and suck it up.
i am just truly at a place where i am evaluating whether or not i was the main reason or if he really has npd. its hard to accept that i can evaluate him since he literaly killed me off from his world
and he isnt just one guy , he
July 23, 2012 - 11:34am — wimomand he isnt just one guy , he is the man i gave my heart to, the man i built a family with . those two beings they took to paradise are my very breath and when i gave him my heart we became one , so he takes me with me no matter where he goes . just because a arm is broken does not mean it ceases to exist. he is happy . "says " he was heartbroken but never wanted to reconcile . he is forcing me and the two kids out of our home and has filed a petition requesting that he and she be able to move in . where we made them . where they tok their first steps. where our marriage and family were abandoned so he can be with ( in his words) " a girl with the world in front of her , who doesnt argue with him , and likes the same things as him
''...so he can be with ( in
July 23, 2012 - 11:51am — Deidre99''...so he can be with ( in his words) " a girl with the world in front of her , who doesnt argue with him , and likes the same things as him.''
that is how I know he's a narcissist. he didn't say he loves her. he refers to her sort of like a pet.
a pet that will work out just well, and be a good obedient companion. lol
and when this pet stops jumping through his hoops...he will dump her, too.
what you are feeling is horrible. it's painful. and i know you felt love for this man.
but, he loves no one. not this new girl, either. that is what you have to learn.
keep reading. keep the faith. keep posting. we are here for you, you can do this.
i'm sure you can look back and see very good times. you wouldn't have fallen in love with a total asshole, out of the gate. same thing applies here. he's charming her, yet in a different way.
she is nothing more than someone to admire him, and be obedient to him. i guess as long as she agrees with everything he says, she'll stay in the role of gf.
you know what he is. he didn't change over night. i'm sure all along, he put your self esteem through hell...and you stayed because you loved him. i get it. but, what you need to understand now, is he loves no one.
not this new girl, either.
you will see how this plays out.
((hugs))
you are right . it is within
July 23, 2012 - 11:26am — wimomyou are right . it is within me . not within him. my worth has been shattered . he gave me an std stole all my money and introduces our young kids to this new great girl .they want to be with them and not me
just because he is with someone new
July 23, 2012 - 11:10am — lessonlearneddoesn't automatically make him a "good guy." there is no logic there at all!
my exN told a lot of lies, cheated, stole, drank, & raged. he is now with another woman, but that doesn't make him a "good guy." he is still the same hateful, giant asshole disordered N he's always been!
why are you torturing yourself by watching them online? do you have a therapist? you need to disconnect from him & his drama in order to start healing yourself...it's overdue!
i have a therapist, she was
July 23, 2012 - 11:28am — wimomi have a therapist, she was our marriage therapist and the one who diagnosed the npd.
i watched online because he lied and said she wasnt going and i wanted to see if he was sober for the kids.
i cannot go nc we have two very small children and i live in a world where everyone loves him and thinks i am nuts
wimom
July 23, 2012 - 3:42pm — BritMy heart is bleeding for you. I have been in this lonely place. I was convinced I could make it work, I was determined that it would. But and it's a big but, I had to let go, I thought I had lost, my world caved. I didn't think it was his fault, whatever he did I loved him anyway.
Where was I? Lost, forgotten, confused and then somewhere, somehow, I just knew I had to let go of my delusions. Did I have any self esteem? No, did I care about me? No. But I knew I had tried everything possible to secure my dream. That is what it was, a dream. My dream man wasn't that afterall, when I used logic I found out the truth, he was an abuser, a cruel man, a man with no heart, a taker. I found I was capable of pure love, he wasn't, he couldn't be, he was hard wired to be selfish, to use me up, suck me dry and toss me away. I am so much more, so much better, so much more worthy. He didn't see it, he didn't appreciate it, he was on to new and brighter things. I picked myself up, I found myself again and I liked what I saw. I let go of the illusion, I de-toxed from the brainwash and hold he had on me. I went crazy, but I was not a victim and never would see myself like it. I know better now, inside my core is beautiful, I go on for the people that really love me and I am happy. You will get there. We will help you. You will learn that he acts against you and keeps you in control and you allow it. You deserve to be cherished, start to be your own best friend and you will emerge with a contagious energy that will tell people who you really are. Get the book, do the steps, have faith in the process, it works. You can do it, read about OWs and what they really are. You are a genuine, caring loving woman, and he is nothing but smoke and mirrors. Stay close on the forum, we will help, we have all been in your shoes. The train out of narcville is slow, but it's destination is paradise.
Brit x
brit !! i have read this
July 23, 2012 - 10:53pm — wimombrit !! i have read this twenty times already and will continue to. just the fact that many of you are saying you will be here to help me thru brings me to tears thank you
thank you