Sometimes if feels like everything happens at once and it seems almost overwhelming.
My life has been like this, I have periods where it seems like I am on track and everything flows and I am on top of my game.
Other times, it seems like all the challenges, trials, and tribulations come at once.
This is one of those periods for me. Whether we are newbies, oldtimers, or somewhere in between we still are livning life and get hit with challenges.
These past several months for me have been a real test of my faith and convictions in recovery.
I have old legal issues with Narc which have come back to haunt me.
My Aunt and Uncle both passed in a short period of time which brought me back to my homeland where I was forced to run into my "Narc" father, Pscyopathic brother (that way from severe abuse by my father), my sister who is clearly a borderline, and I was floored by their inappropriate behaviors surrounder my Aunt and Uncle's passing.
My son who is awesome yet has inherited my "issue's" with codependent relationships unfortunately by watching me for years. Yes, he is an empath, like me, intelligent like me, intuituve, like me, yet also has demonstrated himself to "settle for less" in relationships like me, extremely painful to watch and often I feel helpless to help him to see.
One day he did say to me, that he was proud of me because he could see my grownth and felt that my work was helping many others to escape from a life with a dysfuctional partner that did help me to see that he was proud of me, yet it still hurt that my prior behaviors have had a strong effect on him.
I had to replace my septic, roof, major car issue's, and old narc related debt all hit me within the same month.
I was bummed to put it mildly, I am like WTF, I am a good person, doing the work, helping others, and STILL my financial world and life are falling apart.
It's called LIFE, sometimes things just happen and it is NOT a reflection on who and what we are or whether we deserve this or not, it just happens; shit happens.
I think sometimes people think; just because we are moderators and have come so far that bad things do not happen to us; they do. We are also human and we also have to pay our bills, struggle with family of orign issue's, and get through the day.
The difference here is that we have each other, yes the other moderators are supporting me and helping me to cope and have the faith, that this too shall pass.
This board has been my family for the past 2 years and when I had nowhere else to turn, I turned to my fellow moderators and they said: don't worry Goldie, we love you, you are a good person, and you will make it throught this difficult time.
I am scared right now because I have had strong momments of fear and doubt and it has always been my role to be the strong one for everyone else, yet I too am human and I too have bad days and times and this is a difficult and scary period for me right now.
I do remain Narcfree and I am asking for your support to help me through this difficult period.
I fear I may be losing my house due to years of being an empath and a giver and while I do not feel this is fair; I do have a strong faith in God that he will support me and see me through this difficult time.
I know that everything happens for a reason and the good people will not be taken down no matter what. I just want you all to understand that the moderators are human, we too also have fears, wants, desires, and concerns in our own lives and together we can do what we cannot do alone.