Dating after being with a N

Dating after being with a N
Posted July 17, 2012 - 11:24pm
0

Has anyone had a successful relationship with another man after being with a Narc? I miss having someone special in my life to do things with, but the thought of another abandonment is almost too much!

‹ missing out on life? This might help some of us ›
blondelover2's picture

Thank you all

July 18, 2012 - 6:37pm — blondelover2

I will print out all these comments and read them every day! I need to heal before ever involving anyone else. Thank you!

Deidre99's picture

You wrote a recent thread on

July 18, 2012 - 9:36am — Deidre99

You wrote a recent thread on here, very recent...about how you called your ex when you knew he had the OW over.

You're nowhere near ready to date. I don't mean to sound...crass. But, you are nowhere near ready to date, if you are still breaking NC with your ex, and jealous of the relationship he has with a new woman.

Work on yourself, and beginning a new life...and close this chapter for good. When you do, the rest will fall into place.

onwithmylife's picture

blondelover

July 18, 2012 - 8:52pm — onwithmylife

i have been 3 years out from the narc and would love to be in a healthy relationship again, but have not met anyone good for me, many shallow, superficial men out there who think they are GODS. that being said, i have hope and not fear going forward, I so relate to what Portia said, it is all about our attitudes.I think you are way too early to date, healing from these men takes a long time..

Portia's picture

Ready for Relationships?

July 18, 2012 - 7:25am — Portia

I would like to put your question in context.

First, think about all the people in relationships you know, including marriages, and from what you know, are the people in those relationships REALLY happy?

Second, if you were recovering from a major car accident, and you were in a cast, in a hospital bed, would you be thinking about dating? You are in recovery, and you are in a body cast -- just because this is mental, doesn't mean you haven't experienced major trauma.

Third, you choose to live your life either with or without hope. If you think you have a fatal illness and can never be cured, chances are you will die from it, because that is what you expect. I choose hope, and I will continue to try to have relationships of all types, with friends and maybe some day a dating relationship. When I am ready. The relationship will either work, or it won't, but whatever the outcome, it won't be because of the N. It will be because of ME, and the choices I make, and whether I am enforcing my boundaries. I do not have to date to be happy, or be in a relationship to be happy, if I choose to be happy I will find a way to make myself that way.

Does this help?

fern's picture

awesome Portia

July 18, 2012 - 11:01am — fern

another brilliant post! so well written and totally agree with every word.

I've heard the analogy about an accident before, and that is so true and the best way to see what's happened to you...it's just the injuries aren't necessarily physical but more mental, but they are still there.

Thanks and hugs
x

spinning's picture

Very well said, Portia...

July 18, 2012 - 10:52am — spinning

and all the comments on this thread.

BL, don't worry about this right now. Your "need" for a relationship in order to feel fulfilled is what will attract the freaks who will exploit that need.

Take Portia's advice and choose to find ways to make yourself happy, to fulfill YOUR OWN needs...A happy person is attractive to others and when you are happy and fulfilled (with just YOURSELF) the things and relationships that enter your life will be a BONUS and not a "necessity."

I know this may sound like a lot of hooey, but it's not. This, being happy and fulfilled within ourselves, is a huge, huge key to RECOVERY and FREEDOM from ever falling prey to an abuser again.

Love,
(not) spinning. NO WAY. NEVER EVER AGAIN

sweetpeasarah's picture

So very true

July 19, 2012 - 6:43am — sweetpeasarah

I now know! Most of my life relationships have been with the wrong men, on reflection now i know the reason was to fill the void my issues had created. ALL my partner's have been of 'a type' and were a shield to keep me from confronting my own inner discontent, toad being the worst. I so understand now the importance of what you say Spinning, its ESSENTIAL to be happy in your own self before any relationship will work properly.
Learning all the time!
xx