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My ex Narc's-speak (share yours too)
Lovely1
Member since:
45 weeks 5 days
45 weeks 5 days
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3 weeks 2 days
My ex Narc's-speak (share yours too)
Posted July 17, 2012 - 7:12am
Thought I would share some of the "interesting" things my ex-narc would say...pure narc-speak.
*Noone will love you more than me, Noone. I love you like nothing I have ever felt before. Its PHEROMONES. Its unconditional and natural.
*Noone has loved you more than me. (I disagreed coz yes they have, and he wuld debate this and get shitty).
*I have never loved anyone like I loved you. Not even my ex-gfs. You are the ONE.
*I have never contemplated marriage because I never found the right girl.Love to me is magical.
*I have never been so sexually attracted to anyone, like I am with you. The sex with you is the best because its emaotional.
*I follow you around like a puppy; id do anything for you.
*You are so cold and unloving.
*All my other ex gfs were different. They put me on a pedastal.(always compared...always)
*I was gutless, I couldnt let her go (ex).
*I had a security blanket and I wasnt able to leave.
*I know what it feels to be loved and you dont love me.
* You are inept, you dont know what love is. You have issues.
*You are nasty and selfish.
*Why didnt you pick up? Where r u?
*I only stalked you because I wanted to make sure you went home. I needed to convince myself that you are true. Then he said something along the lines of "to keep you in line".
*I want to know everything about ur life and be part of you. We are one. (enmeshment)
* I do trust you (even though he stalked me, asked 100 qns and made snide remarks).
*why dont you show me as much attention as you pay to FB?
* I dont care if your friends and family dont like me.
* Im better than this. I deserve better than this. I deserve to be loved.
*Im not lying...ha ha ha to this one. (Im not a pathological liar).
* I didnt tell you because I knew you wouldnt be happy (no shit)
*I omitted the truth to keep the peace, to placate ppl, I didnt lie (in regards to an incident with his ex).
*Im intelligent, Im top 10% of people. Everyone at work likes me. All the girls and GUYS were looking at me on the train...(this made me sick...ugh!) I must be having a good hair day.
* Why dont you ever compliment me, like i compliment you"
* I know you dont like it, but lets try it anyway...(think sexual).
This list could go on and on and on. Seriously the constant up and down. Notice the nice then not nice comments ebb and flow. There was probably many more worse than what I have written but Im blocking this shite out.
Funny thing is; all the stuff i said about integrity and honesty, he would project back to me and use it as a means to show he was working with me. IF YOU EVER HAVE A MAN WHO USES UR WORDS, HE IS MORE THAN LIKLEY A NARC OR BORDERLINE. MASSiVE RED FLAG.
He also made me feel cheap even though he was all about "the love". Thats how borderline/narcs work I suppose. The "dont leave me, im too good for you, i hate you, come back" rollercoaster. If I wasnt in the mood, on occasion, he would have a sook and walk off. Real mature stuff, real emotional fulfillment..NOT.
As hard as it may be alone, NO ONE deserves the instability and the issues. There is another guy out there waiting for ppl like us, real genuine men. We just need to get back into life after living in fog and undertainty.
I am getting better with NC and I hope it continues.....
and I hope his little issues with abandonment are eating him up, thinking about the one that got away. again!
xx
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
Thank you for sharing
July 23, 2012 - 1:28am — SingerTonight has been a hard night because I ran into ExN and started questioning everything. Your post shocked me-so many of the sayings you mention are ones he would constantly say to me! Thank you for sharing this-sometimes it's so easy to forget the horrible things that were said and done unless they are written down. Scary how similar the stories are. You are right-it's like a rollercoaster. ExN even said to me that he thought the only reason I stayed with him was because one minute he loved me the next he hated me.
Singer
July 23, 2012 - 4:28am — Lovely1Totally understandable. If I saw my exN I would also go into a semi-panic. I have gone through thought after thought after thought and realised that no matter "how good" it was (really wasnt), it wasnt right and it wasnt true and real. They want you to question things. I did, the other ex women probably do too. Its a hook, a toxic addiction.
Reading the things they say and seeing its all the same, proves the fact that they are crazy and we are not. I am glad it helps you. Reading others stories helps my conviction and seeing things your mind knows to be true, on paper, makes it all the more real.
Everyone forgets past misdemeanours and even forgives BUT this phycho neurotic treatment from these sociopaths is just not on and no longer good enough.
You ExN said that you stayed with him because he love/hated you....weird. Mine never said anything about hate, hence his part-borderline. It was I who love/hated him and it was he who stayed with me. I always asked him why he stayed in shitty relationships. Its called Co-dependency and abandonment issues.
As hard as it is, us letting go frees us from this jail!
Oh my
July 22, 2012 - 8:55pm — Lovely1That's just ridiculous. Jealous of another woman, no lovIng man in a real Rship wants to share his partner even if it was another woman. That's gross.
My narc used to make that comment when he dirty talked but after that it was retracted. He was no sharing me full stop. It's still creepy and I hated the comments. Madonna/ whore complex. It finally had a name !!
You appear to have had an even meaner one. Mine was charming with glints of evil. Same crap!
They r no good.
All that Charm
July 22, 2012 - 11:53pm — neverlookbackwas EVIL in reverse - all the terms of endearment, the flattery, the compliments, all his loving gestures and expressions was nothing other than pre calculated predatory planning on his part to destroy me - I have read many times that when a psychopath is nice to you that is the time to PAY CLOSE ATTENTION, he is up to something and wants something from you - he is working on something and its not in your best interest - and when you think about that its so true - think about the onset of the relationship when we were everything to them - they were simply working us for the dropping of the mask thats all - yes he was heartless, and dead inside -
Agreed
July 23, 2012 - 12:03am — Lovely1Thats true! I had the same thing- the over niceness and the " I'll do anything for you" blah blah.
Initially I didn't see the evil. Then I saw it but it didn't ajways stay evil. The niceties continued and only when I'd question something would the anger arise and the snappiness.
He didn't just drop the face and be nasty forever. I suppose this is normal too as the better u treat them, they stay good. When it's question time and u don't agree, then it's all diff.
Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde. I told mine that he was not normal and a switcher. He knew I called him a borderline etc but always refuted it. " don't label me" " don't put me in a box"
All in all a very big pathological liar so I know what you are saying.
Same person, different body.
God I cant even remember half of the garbage
July 22, 2012 - 8:35pm — neverlookbacklets see:
U are insecure
Your a jealous person
you have multiple personalities
you think too much
you are too conscience about things (thats a good one)
you are moody with tremendous swings
you are a depressing person to be around and talk to
like I said I cant even remember half the babble shit he would pull out of his projection bag of goodies - when ever I would question him I would get some comment on how ABNORMAL I was; and like an idiot I would think, OMG I am all those things I better be careful to not piss him off or upset him. Here is a good one, he would call me Jealous and insecure because I didnt want to have sex with him and another woman - ha ha JEALOUS I ask you - no there is nothing about that that would cause me to be jealous - I know women that get jealous when their husbands even TALK to other women let alone have sex with them are you kidding? I have never been that way but watching someone I love have intercourse with someone else goes beyond jealous
"You have a tendency to see
July 22, 2012 - 11:00am — prettypeeved"You have a tendency to see things that aren't there."
(Patronisingly) "Just stop and think for a minute."
"This really isn't about you."
After systematically cutting me out of his life, 9 months later me demanding to know why he stopped contact with me: "There's no reason why YOU couldn't have contacted ME."
"I wasn't being serious, I was just yanking your chain."
"I'm a very complex person."
After months of messing me about: "I'm not really sure we're compatible."
"I'm a very simple person, what you see is what you get with me."
"I'd love to fuck you...but I won't."
"I am worthy."
"I'm a chameleon"...chills, I
July 22, 2012 - 6:48am — lavendar19"I'm a chameleon"...chills, I heard him say this as well
Reality
July 18, 2012 - 11:54am — Delirium"It's just your perception of what happened." Regarding any recounting of facts. Ex-N pretty much discounted reality, also morally equivalated at every turn. Some things are just WRONG and should be acknowledged as such.
I have to add that I've said two things to Ex-N that Lovely1 lists:
"You are nasty and selfish." I've said this to Ex-N, because he is self-absorbed, unbearably caustic and mean-spirited despite pretending to be a positive, empathetic person.
"I dont care if your friends don't like me." I've said this as well, because Ex-N is surrounded by bitter alchoholics, derelicts and former drug users who don't want anyone to be happy. He has surface relationships with them, a group that would drop him from the social network if he ever dared to leave AA.
Sharing my Facebook post from Why Men Love Bitches
July 18, 2012 - 10:38am — CanadaI posted this on Facebook in March, just a couple of weeks before D&D, it was my way of calling him out - letting him know I knew exactly what he was up to. Passive? Yes. But considering the success we have with confronting the Ns, it was in retrospect a much more effective choice. I hammered away at it publicly until I reduced him to a twitching bag of N Injury. The last paragraph was from me directly to him, it is not from the book.
"Sometimes you feel like the only woman in the world that's pulling her hair out after receiving this treatment from a man. Then you read something like this, and you laugh your head off with relief.
Ladies, enjoy this excerpt of the top 15 things men say to women when they are confronted with their bad behaviour, called "How to Shift the Blame, the Textbook Guide" from Sherry Argov's book Why Men Love Bitches. (I'm not really into men-bashing, but this is particularly true) ...and feel free to add your own."
1. Tell her that the timing to discuss it isn't right. It's never a good time to "talk."
2. Tell her she took everything wrong and is being too sensitive and overly dramatic.
3. Tell her she's overreacting, blowing it out of proportion and imagining things.
4. Say, "You're starting your period aren't you?"
5. Point out that she was the one who started the argument.
6. If she has six good points, and you have one semi-good point, place all of the emphasis on your one semi-good point, then demand a quick answer. If she hesitates, use this as evidence that you are right.
7. If she is clearly right, find fault with her that has nothing to do with the incident, and use that.
8. Create your own imaginary panel of experts (composed of people she's never met). Say, "Even Joe and Jim agree with me and think you are completely unreasonable."
9. Tell her, "You're doing this to yourself."
10. Ask her why she can't just let it go.
11. Remember, it's always her fault. That's your story, and you are stickin' to it.
12. When she accuses you of being selfish, say, " Well, I think you're selfish too."
13. Tell her you can't remember the issue, after all, she can't argue about something that only exists in her mind.
14. Dance around the issue, lie and change the subject as many times as possible.
15. Manipulate the hell out of her by accusing her of her lack of support, loyalty and acceptance.
Result? You've completely escaped responsibility and have successfully shifted the blame to her, who will immediately apologize for causing such 'trouble'. Congratulations! She now resents your total lack of empathy and has lost all respect for you.
Great book, chicklets, should be prescribed reading for every 18-year-old girl.
Ugh! So true
July 22, 2012 - 2:27pm — jenniferClassic! These manipulative tactics should be taught to every girl in middle school!!!
Ugh! So true
July 22, 2012 - 2:27pm — jenniferClassic! These manipulative tactics should be taught to every girl in middle school!!!
Canada
July 18, 2012 - 10:51am — Jenna HI'd say the narc must have studied this pretty damn well. Never said anything about my period, but wow, for the most part this sounds like the techniques he used on me.
So congrats bullshit narc - I do NOW resent your total lack of empathy and I HAVE lost all respect for you....
He used 8 of those techniques
July 18, 2012 - 10:59am — CanadaHe used 8 of those techniques during ONE conversation we had the day before!
It gave me a lot of 'closure' to write that paragraph.
It was the only post I made in a year that he didn't like or comment on. Har har!
How textbook is this!
July 18, 2012 - 10:34am — lookingahead1.Im a chameleon.
2.Im a creature of habit.
3.She just wanted to be seen with me.
4.You dont understand, I NEED THIS!(when asked why he couldnt just golf at regular courses like most guys, HE HAD TO BELONG TO PRESTIGIOUS PRIVATE CLUBS THAT HE COULDNT AFFORD.
5.Im sefish
6.I cant be with someone who doesnt trust me.
7.I need to find someone who doesnt know my past.
8.I have slept with at least 280 woman and thats being modest, Ive had all kinds..Asian.. no blacks..you were one of the best..What!!! I JUST GAVE YOU A COMPLIMENT! (As i looked at him in horror the disgusting racist pig)
9.Its non of your business what I do when Im not with you.
10.(when moving though a crowd) "Come this way,your with me!
11. If I ever say anything to you and you take it in a bad way, know that I never really mean to hurt you.(excuse your abuse?)
12. You havent earned it. (this was said when I asked for something minor like a glass of water or to watch a movie.)
13. Sex with my ex wife was mechanical.
GOD I HATE THEM.............
dickhead talk!
July 18, 2012 - 5:28am — bipolarbutton* We will be together forever
* What is wrong with us? (Usually after making up from a fight)
* Why don't you hold me like you use to?
* I will always love you but I can't be with you.
* you always blame the other women but you never blame the one in the mirror! ( don't talk to me about mirrors! )
* you never went to college. You never thought about taking care of me. ( projection ! He never went to college. Besides I actually read an email where he said the same thing to another woman during the d&d ! College is something he can't hold to and he hates himself because of it!)
* don't make this all about you.
* you always have to have the last word!
* you weren't supposed to let your husband run away. ( this being after his mother asked him " how could you talk to you wife that way, I am glad your getting a divorce she deserves better" ..about time the woman stood up for me!)
* I didn't read all your email , it was to emotional. (Always the case)
* you use to much emotion and not enough logic. ( famous line . How the hell I am supposed to act when being emotionally abused and belittled! )
* don't start that shit/ argument now. You always bring shit up at the wrong moment! ( never is the right moment)
* I gave you what you wanted , a home (rental!) and anything you needed , you never followed my plans for this family . ( this still pisses me off , you have to have a home! He could NEVER understand that. So dumb. A home build on quick sand is nothing to be proud of)
* we will be together until the kids are 18 because I can't trust you.
* STOP being such a victim! You are the one who has it all, while I work and have nothing!
* if you'd stopped talking when asked we'd have a computer/phone/TV. ( he broke everything to the point it didn't really phase me anymore, in fact I started telling him break it go ahead do it!)
* I didn't say you broke it, I said your actions caused it to be broken! ( there was never an "I " in that statement. Just you you you. He'd even tell the kids this shit)
* you lied, just admit you lied! ( projection)
* here let me try to pick up this pin! Oh I tried! You have an excuse for everything! ( that was said a lot, for a very long time it confused me because I don't always have a
Excuse and if I did it was valid! When I opened my eyes I realized he has an excuse for EVERYTHING AND ITS ALWAYS A LAME ASS EXCUSE!)
Now that I am out of fog I see more and more that I was never to blame, other than the fact I stayed 10 years! I love my children but wish they were one night stands. .. but it's okay cause we are now in different states though he calls to talk to the kids every night but now I just shut the door and turn the TV up LOL....
<3button ...
I know it's a great post when...
July 17, 2012 - 8:43pm — no more an echoHi Lovely1,
I know it's a great post when it triggers my PTSD! But at least I can laugh now!
You wrote:
"He also made me feel cheap even though he was all about "the love". Thats how borderline/narcs work I suppose. The "dont leave me, im too good for you, i hate you, come back" "
Sooooooo true! Some people describe Narcs this way:
"COME CLOSER SO I CAN SLAP YOU!"
These days, NarcSpeak really sends my NarcDar in high gear!
Thanks for the laugh!
LOL
July 17, 2012 - 8:30pm — Reason2BelieveWannaB's " " stupid comments
my ( ) responses
"I know you feel that way, but your feelings are wrong"
(are you f'n kidding me?)
"Now remember to call me when you get home and don't forget like you did last time"
(sorry, but I never forget to call)
"I guess I'm like one of those Hollywood celebreties who cannot have long term relationships"
(speechless)
"I think I need to take some time for myself. Just give me a few weeks so I can decide what I need to make myself happy"
(go FUCK yourself and then get some therapy)
"I have to be careful who I let become friends...most people want to be my friend because of who I am"
(who are you??? LOL)
"I'm musician and can dress however I want"
(not if you want to come with me to my function tonight)
"I'm having trouble getting erections, but I don't want you to feel badly about it, or think it has anything to do with you"
(Don't worry, I know it's not me, that's for sure!)
"I've been upset with you for the past three weeks. Haven't you noticed???"
(no, thought you've just been your usual grumpy assed self)
"How do I know you're really working late and not going out with someone else?"
(WHEN the HELL would I have time to see someone else?! Don't even go there with me!)
"Maybe I should just marry you so that I don't keep running away from you"
(yeah, I don't think so)
"Maybe we just need some distance between us"
(you got it, buddy)
"I'd still like to call you, cause I like talking to you"
(NO, not going to happen)
"Maybe we can be friends someday"
(no, my friends would never treat me this way)
What an ASS! I don't even want to admit I was even with him.
Reason
LOVED your responses!
July 17, 2012 - 8:54pm — no more an echoDear Reason2Believe,
LOVED your responses to The Forked Tongue One! We could go on all night, couldn't we?
I remember this Ex-Narc exchange:
Mr. Narc (after telling a WHOPPER of a lie): Are you CALLING me a LIAR?
Me BEFORE I was 'No More': Which is worse? You BEING a LIAR or me CALLING YOU ON IT?
I am surprised
July 18, 2012 - 6:41am — Reason2Believethat knowing what I do now about Narc Injury and their sensitivity to criticism and challenging them...that he stayed as long as he did (7 years total) and kept returning for more! LOL, as it's the same question I ask myself!!!
I have to admit, I am relieved that I totally didn't just lie down and let him walk all over me. We never had any "fights" or big arguements...not my style, but I was always confused that he could get so upset over what I considered "normal" issues to be discussed and decided. (ie, should we drive or take the train) It seemed like such a threat to him.
I also continued to live my life..travel, family, friends and when he distanced himself, I did not complain. Just made other plans, which I now see REALLY bothered him.
I think the final straw was when I decided on a short notice to fly overseas for the weekend to celebrate a friend's 50th birthday. Wanna B was not happy that I was going (again), but he was always invited to go and chose not to. No way would I have changed my plans because he didn't want to go.
It was around that time that he began to put out feelers to OS and several weeks after the final D&D (two days before my trip) announced on FB that it was "time for a new plan"...and now is with OS from 12 years ago.
What a hell of a ride....
Reason
Decisions, decisions....
July 17, 2012 - 7:56pm — OneDay@aTimeOh my,where to begin? Here are just a few:
"Of course you should wear your engagement ring-we were never not engaged" (after he broke up with me and asked me to go on a cruise)
"The French have it right-they feel it is better to be adored than loved"
"We are soulmates, best friends, our love will make the world jealous"
"You need better lighting when you send me nude pictures of you my sweetie"
"You need to trust me"
"Stop trying to make this be about you"
"You need to stop and learn how to relax"
"I didn't tell you because I knew you would be upset"
"Why are you so needy, clingy, insecure, jealous, fill in the blank "
"You are psycho"
"Quit taking your anger out on me"
And one of my all time favorites:
"If you ever get fake boobs, I will break up with you. I don't do fake"
Ugh- What a toxic toad!
things ex N said
July 17, 2012 - 1:22pm — abandonedandhurt1. I love you more than anyone ever did or ever will
2. I will work my ass off for you! You will see what it feels like to be #1
3. You are the smartest person I know
4. I love you so much and sex with you is the best I have ever had! Am I the best for you?
5. Your ex husband is a loser, I am a better man than he is!
6. All my wives (3) cried when I left them and didn't want me to go
7. You are lucky to have me, loads of women want me.
8. You will be sorry when I am gone, you will really miss me.
9. You are the best everything, best cook and best mother, great at your career.
10. I tell everyone how wonderful you are. I bragged about you to my parents.
11. texts ALL day and night, will you marry me? I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you.
12. You are the most beautiful woman, and I have never had anyone as pretty as you before.
13. I am so sexually attracted to you.
14. All these gifts are for you, I want to give you everything I can. (constantly buying me things I never asked for)
THEN, when he was leaving me for OW:
1. you used up all of your nurturing on your husband, there is nothing left for me.
2. You never make me feel special.
3. You think I am dumb and you are so smart.
4. You don't do anything for me, I do everything for you (remember he wanted to work his ass off for me?)
5. I am tired of being behind your kids and everything else in your life! (remember he wanted me to be #1?)
6. I am dead inside, you sucked the life out of me and drained me dry financially for a year! (remember he wanted to buy me things I never asked for?)
7. That's a lie, I don't have a girlfriend (after he was caught screwing her in his truck by one of his police officers)
8. You don't love me enough.
9. I want the engagement ring back and the car I bought you.
10. After my crying and pleading, I will always care about you, I just don't love you like I did before.
11. I am not cahging my mind and its sad you think I have a girlfriend.
12. I didn't cheat on you, that would be disrespectful to you.
13. Maybe if you stop telling people I cheated on you, stop trashing me I will take you out for a ride on my motorcycle, maybe. And are you going to give the ring back?
so litterally in one weekend I went from the most perfect woman in the world, his dream lover and love of his life for the last two years to someone who he will always care about. Now he won't even talk to me and is still with OW, who he said wasn't his girlfriend.
Don't you trust me? (In
July 17, 2012 - 5:03pm — I believeDon't you trust me? (In first couple of years together when I queried whether it was wise for us that he should sell his house and put the small amount of equity into my house. i.e re-mortgage my house so it would be in both our names! - what was I thinking!!)
Don't you trust me? (Recently, when trying to persuade me to sign a court form full of lies - er no you had an affair (supposedly on and off) for at least a year????? and the form is full of lies!)
You're slim but old (A hoover - well yes and thats going to work - NOT!!! - anymore smooth lines? He actually looked me up and down when he said this)
She's flabby (About the OW - it's real love then)
I want to snog you (Yuk - Another hoover)
Love you (Most often dropped the "I" - telling that)
I don't want to do THIS anymore (classic)
She's frigid (About his first wife, guess he's saying the same about me now to the OW)
I realise now if a man says "Don't you trust me?" Its
a big red flag - I was so naive, I trusted him
completely up until I found out about the OW.
Also: How did we get to this?
July 17, 2012 - 5:37pm — I believeAlso:
How did we get to this? (Er cause you've got an OW in tow - have you forgotten her!!)
I've made the biggest mistake of my life (whilst avoiding looking at me and looking directly at the garage door - mmm very believable)
**************
I guess the above was said to keep me on the hook, but it no longer works as I know who you really are buddy!!
Hmmmm
July 17, 2012 - 12:28pm — knighty2035"I'm the nicest guy you'll ever meet!" (uh... you really think I've lived under a rock and met assholes my hole life ay?? ) LOL
"No one else will ever love you like I do" (Oh dear God lets hope not)
"Everyone likes you.. you have tons of friends and I am a loner who has no one". (uh... try taking the time to develop a friendship instead of use people and you might find different)
OMG
July 17, 2012 - 12:25pm — sweetpeasarahDon't get me started!
'I love you more than life itself'
@please dont EVER leave me or hurt me' (ha! that one is bloody rich, coming from the king of disappearing!)
'I hope you love me for me and not the tough guy reputation I have... '
I will never ever cheat on you...omg this one is hysterical!
'I would give my life for you....( ST and disappeared when I had cancer)
'I have NEVER lied to you its all in your head'?!?!
'your the sick one who needs help your mental'
'dont ever come onto me..I only like it when i approach you' HA! yeah cos you just might not of taken a blue pill to be able to perform!!
After robotic, mechanical feelingless sex...'I needed that'
'i really can't be with you anymore cos im sick of you not trusting me' omg this one really gets me!! lol
The list goes on and on and on, I am POSITIVE they all have the same manual, it is truely scary how similar they all are!
Some of their 'talk' is pretty funny now, but I just cant BELIEVE i let a lot of it go at the time!
x
Oh!
July 17, 2012 - 12:26pm — sweetpeasarahAnd I forgot the best one.... caslled himself Peter Pan....hahaha
Lovely 1 -
July 17, 2012 - 11:56am — Peekswhere are you from - I think we have been with the exact same man / child ! Ha ha
Obv you don't have to say......
Just gave me slight weird feeling in my gut.........
They are all the same Peeks.
July 17, 2012 - 5:18pm — Lovely1They are all the same Peeks. We may as well have been with the same person. Some people clearly have. The OW before us, the OW after. Only thing is we can't warn anyone and even if u did, they r too cunning that she wouldn't listen. I never listened because I wanted to see what would happen. The drama. And I finally had enough under my belt to be able to go.
This one still gets me.......
July 17, 2012 - 8:41am — fallingfowardlaughing!!!!! Now, not when it happen.
I had just started reading on this site, for only a few weeks not a member though.
He called me on his way to work.
I started to confront him with the ST and I thought he was seeing another woman. Of course, he denies, denies, denies. He tells me how he loves me, how I so important to him. I was breaking it off with him, when all of sudden he starts to make sounds like he is having a seizure and then the sound goes off.
I start freaking out, thinking that he is driving and having seizure. I start wondering if he died. Then after 15 minutes he calls back, and tells me he is on the side of road. He has called his son to take him to the hospital. He wants me to know that he loves me, that he needs to stop fighting with me and he needs to hear my voice. He then hangs up, and calls me every 15/20 minutes to tell what's going on in the hospital. After a couple of hours, I don't hear from him till the next day. Of course I called him all night, called his son, called his work, no responce.
I tell myself I love him and I want to help him through all this. I stayed with him.
The truth:
He faked a seizure....
He son lives over 300 miles from him....
What a mindfuck...
I can laugh about it now, because I can't even imagine living a screwed up life like his.
hugs
ff
Holy mother of God... what a
July 17, 2012 - 8:50am — NarcbaitHoly mother of God... what a crazy fuck!
I know, Narcbait...
July 17, 2012 - 9:01am — fallingfowardHe was a crazy psychopath, but he was just the nicest guy when you met him. Crazy asshole!!! lol
some of my personal favorites
July 17, 2012 - 8:43am — Jenna H"Are you in this just because of how I make you feel? Because I don't want it to be that way." (CAN WE SAY PROJECTION)
"Of course I have feelings for you .. and this should make you feel good - I've had to fight deeper feelings for you."
"I'm naturally emotionally guarded."
"I've been burned too many times."
"I want your openness." (He wanted mine but was unwilling to reciprocate)
"You're the insatiable one." (PROJECTION)
"You're the jealous one." (PROJECTION)
"You don't really care about me." (Backwards talk)
"Hard to tell sometimes if you care about me." (UM, THAT IS A LIE AND THAT IS WHAT I COULD HAVE SAID A THOUSAND TIMES TO HIM)
"Don't read into things so much."
"Your expectations are too high." (This was conditioning)
"I don't try to disappoint."
"I don't think you fully understand the demands (on me)." (Conditioning again to get me to accept less and less and less from him)
"Just been unbelievably busy." That became a broken record. The busy excuse.
"I don't stop thinking about you. I want you with me all the time." (Oh really) Then when I asked him a month or so later if he still thought about me all the time he says very condescendingly "Do you think about me all the time? You don't think about me ALL the time do you?"
"Where are you? What are you up to? What are you working on? Who are you with? What did you have to eat (at lunch)?" (HE ASKED THIS EVERYDAY IN THE BEGINNING)
When triangulating by telling me he met up with an old girlfriend he says:
"Jealous?" And I said "Do I need to be?" And he says "Are you?"
Then he says "I was just with an old guy friend." WTF
When I asked him if he was just using me he says:
"We're using each other for the same thing." And I said, "Well there's using and then there's USING." And he says, "Well, yes, that's true." (Do you think I walked away from that convo with any clarity - of course not! There's no such thing as clarity with narcs)
NOTHING BUT MASS CONFUSION.
Ding ding ding!
July 17, 2012 - 6:18pm — Canada""Your expectations are too high." (This was conditioning)"
OH SO OFTEN I heard this. Like at least once a week towards the end when I started standing up for myself and calling him out. It's so passive, they throw up their hands like a child, and say "You can't possibly expect anything from me, after all, I'm only emotionally 6 years old..."
I never responded to this garbage until the very last week before D&D. I said "My only expectations is that you don't hurt me." How futile!
OhdearGod, yes. "I'm sorry
July 18, 2012 - 8:15am — NarcbaitOhdearGod, yes.
"I'm sorry you expected more than I can give." WTF?!
Snap! Things Narcs say
July 17, 2012 - 7:45pm — Betterthings"You're behaving like a 15 year old"
(I couldn't get my head around this, but I believed him, and THEN a year or so later started behaving exactly like a 15 year old)
"Stop over-analyzing everything"
"There doesn't need to be an answer for everything does there?"
"I did apologise, didn't I?'
(He never ever apologised properly for anything, but gave the appearance that he might have)
"She was a pyscho, thank God I didn't marry her"
(When asked what happened ie did you break up then? Did you fall out etc etc, he never ever replied. Now that I think about all the 'weirdo's' he'd been out with over the years... somehow the poor boy just seemed to be a weirdo magnet)
"I have the gift of hurt"
(You're fucking right about that, mate)
"I am not worthy"
If I ever then went on to say 'why is it that you think you're not worthy?" or similar in an effort to be sympathetic to his psychological problems he would act completely affronted - as if I had insulted him.
"I just want someone to share a little bit of myself with"
(Except that's not what you're doing arsehole. You're using me as a (in my case metaphorical) wank cloth, and then you'll find someone else to "share a little bit of yourself with". And, hey, guess what? I'm a person as well. This did not interest him in the slightest, except when I FORCED him to recognise that he was dealing with another human being... He would occasionally remember, then immediately go back to the default position of ME ME ME)
"She's my life now"
(Three weeks after meeting OW)
"Fucking weirdo"
(A few years down the track when he dumps her.)
"I know how you feel about
July 17, 2012 - 8:36am — Narcbait"I know how you feel about me, that's why I don't want to take us down a path we cannot go." (next breath) "I would love some more pictures."
"Just because we can't be together, doesn't mean we can't have a relationship on a higher plane."
"You read too much into everything."
"Stop over-analyzing!"
"You think too much."
"My exes were all psychos."
"Don't listen to lesser people, listen to me."
"We are soul mates, kindred spirits."
(When confronted with ignoring me and chatting up everyone else) "I'm incredibly busy, and I need time to unwind!"
God, there are tons... this is just a small few.
Same thing here too!!
July 17, 2012 - 5:45pm — maui3375"Why do you care what other people say"
"Quit listening to your friends, that's our problem"
"If you don't trust me then don't come down"
"Let's talk like adults you act like a child"
And a whole lot more..what a child he was. He would even say: "Don't tell anyone but I'm watching cartoons" I thought it was cute at first but he kept saying it over and over. I thought that was weird. I would say "Your silly" but after a few times I started to find it weird he kept repeating that same phrase. Any thoughts???
Narcbait I think we were with twins
July 17, 2012 - 10:25am — Jenna HUgh reading through your list sounds an awful lot like the exN. Except he never said anything quite as nice as to call me his soul mate. LOL Ugh the arrogance.
Now I'm glad! Don't want to be any type of mate to him!!!
AMEN, Jenna! Plus, how can
July 17, 2012 - 10:30am — NarcbaitAMEN, Jenna!
Plus, how can you be 'soulmates' with someone who lacks the critical component - a soul?
um, hellz yeah!
July 17, 2012 - 10:35am — Jenna HSoulmate - laughable! They don't have the ability to connect on any sort of emotional level let alone a soul level - assholes.
And to think that during sex he would look deep into my eyes and my naive self would melt inside them and think - he may not say that he loves me, but I can feel that he really does.
YEAH RIGHT. Wishful thinking. Glad I woke up and am no longer in la la land with a soul-less, artificial narc!
Yeah Jenna H
July 17, 2012 - 5:49pm — maui3375That looking into your eyes while having sex was nothing more than him watching his control over you. They get their kicks from that.. Assholes!!
Control....through the kiss
July 17, 2012 - 7:42pm — Jenna HAmong other things, it was seriously painful to realize this man could kiss me like he did and there was no real feeling behind it for him. I'm telling you with every fiber in my being his kiss is the best I've ever experienced. I could have spent all day and all night kissing him!
We all know how intimate kissing is. And to think it wasn't like that for him because he doesn't know the meaning of intimacy. He knows how to kiss to make a woman weak in the knees - nothing more. Another tool in his narc arsenal.
omg...yes!! He used to crank
July 17, 2012 - 5:56pm — kpcomg...yes!! He used to crank my head around and demand i look him in the eyes. I thought- how caring and sexy - he wants to look me in the eyes....bahaahaha. CONTROL!
He also used to do this weird 'aftershock" twitching thing. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I can hear him saying it now in a high pitched tone ...."goosebumps" then "aftershock".
Ugh. UGH!! Were we with the
July 17, 2012 - 10:38am — NarcbaitUgh. UGH!!
Were we with the same douchebag? Freaky.
lovely1
July 17, 2012 - 8:25am — onwithmylifeAre these guys all of the same cloth, mine said to me 'why don't you pick up, where are you', they are the exact same assclowns, too funny.My favorite was 'I never loved you I just wanted us to gt a house together so we could get a house and i could drive you off a cliff', that is something else, I wish to heck I had left him then and there, later he said he was'just joking'.hmmmmmmmmmm he also said he did not tell me because i would get mad at him, when we were going to get a house together and he announces with the realtor by his side,of all the changes he wants to make in the house.It was something we should have disscused privately in my opinion.
Doesn't it just seem that we
July 17, 2012 - 5:13pm — Lovely1Doesn't it just seem that we are all the victim of the same or similar person? Highly disturbing. The funny thing is there are a couple of girls in his past that could relate to my post too. Shame they might not know the diagnosis. His ex still prob wants him back as they have a kid, the girl before whom he had an affair with once mentioned " don't put this new girl thru what u put me" yet he blames her for the Demise of their love affair. Soooo many justifications, not enough truth or acknowledgment.
My narc would be content to speak bout his exes yet if I carried on with a story " that went too long " and was complimentary of my exes he would have a sook. No narc supply there coz its supposed to be all about him hey...
You are paranoid !
July 17, 2012 - 10:34pm — yokidokiI asked him where he was because I was super worried and he told me I was being paranoid.