a common thread aomng all our Narcs.....

a common thread aomng all our Narcs.....
Posted July 17, 2012 - 8:30pm
0

hi all I am fascinated to see such a common thread from all these different narcissists and they keep asking us "Don't you trust me?"Mine said that numerous times especially when he was testing me about money issues, like when i would not loan him $350 for new pots and pans by some famous chef, his own were still perfectly fine, and this was a man who made a lot more than me. Also when we were trying to buy a house and he got real mad ,and i mean ugly mad with a hateful letter, when I went to a lawyer to see about protecting my assets as all my money was going into the house, he had none to put in, and here he has the damn nerve to light into me and say i did not trust him, well guess he was right, in my own mind I did not and rightfully so. What are your stories?

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knighty2035's picture

Not to be a Debbie-downer

July 18, 2012 - 9:41am — knighty2035

But we also have a common theme amoung us victims of Narcs... being naive. We should never co-mingle, share, or loan our finances with someone unwilling to make a legal commitment to us called marriage. They take advantage of our honest nature... and because we are basically honest people.. we tend to believe others are as well. Ever notice how a NARC is mistrustful and paranoid about everyone... it's because they believe others are like them. By the same token (and as a positive for us) we see others as we see ourselves. Not a bad thing, but I guess we just have to keep our eyes wide open to the fact that it's just not so. No one will have our best interest at heart if we are not looking out for it ourselves.

Deidre99's picture

agreed, knighty!for me, i

July 18, 2012 - 2:06pm — Deidre99

agreed, knighty!

for me, i can honestly say...i don't loan money to men. i find it wimpy for a man to ask a woman for money. yes, it's 2012. yes, i work and make a good living. yes, women are equal to men in every way.

but i don't believe in men asking women for handouts. eek...it's a huge turnoff to me, in general. narc or no narc.

if a man has caused himself so much financial duress, that he has to ask the woman he's DATING for money...i would walk away from said man.

things can happen, yes. but, i'm not willing to inherit some dude's financial woes. and i'm not willing to buy him pots and pans...omg, how wimpy is that to even ask a woman for such a thing!

huge turnoff, men with money problems and men who ask women for money.

i don't need a man to support me financially...and i don't expect that. but, i do not want to support a man, financially, either. and this isn't to say if you date someone who makes less money than you, that you should dump him. nooo...not at all what i'm saying.

but, i am saying that if he is irresponsible with the mney he does make, or he expects you to wine and dine him while dating him...eeeekkkk! huge turn off!

terri's picture

setting the bar

July 19, 2012 - 11:33am — terri

It all goes back to that notion of raising our expectations. I agree with you Deidre that I can support myself (always have, including two children), and don't want or need a man to support me. However, through this narc-experience, I have raised the bar quite a bit to expect a man to WANT to support me - or at least help when he thinks he can - whether I accept that help or not.

In learning more about what I should have been expecting from a quality man/relationship (the silver lining to this narc nightmare), it has become clear to me that when men truly love a woman, they genuinely want and need to take care of them - it's part of their DNA and emotional make-up. If a man is not feeling the need to protect a woman, financially, physically and emotionally, they are not worthy of us.

My guess is that most of us here on this forum have not had strong expectations of that in our relationships with men.

And NO MAN WORTH OUR TIME would ever, ever, EVER consider asking a woman for money -- for any reason!

At 55, I can't believe how much of myself I've been willing to compromise in my lifetime. Thanks NarcASS -- lesson well learned!!

NarcJunkie's picture

This is true

July 18, 2012 - 1:12pm — NarcJunkie

This is a lesson we all have to learn. It's not enough to be a good person, we must also learn to not be naive/stupid. We grow up thinking that villains are rare and easy to spot and that "normal" people are basically all good at heart and trying their best. Ha!! Knowledge about PDs should be taught in school, as well as a healthy self-esteem. Who ever needs all these empty facts they fill the kids' heads with??
@ OWML: Wow! I keep forgetting this guy wanted to drive you off a friggin' cliff..! I sure hope he'll get his karma for that.

onwithmylife's picture

narcjunkie

July 18, 2012 - 1:18pm — onwithmylife

we can only hope..I think the demented, deranged life he leads by himself may just be the fitting karma.. for now........

onwithmylife's picture

knighty2035

July 18, 2012 - 12:45pm — onwithmylife

So true, but then he did want marriage, and THEN, he would have driven me off a cliff to get the house in his name, he said this to me some years ago..I will never let myself be that naive again but at least something kept me from us getting a house together, thank you GOD..........

agnesmurphy17's picture

Emotional Manipulation

July 17, 2012 - 9:51pm — agnesmurphy17

This is how they manipulate you. "You don't trust me." Basically telling you that you think badly of them. Then you have to rush to say "No. No." And then you give them what they want to prove that you do trust them & think well of them.

You are too scared to dsy, "I do not trust you." Some may throw a fit to intimidate you to give the money. Some may threaten to leave you--and that's the one that scares most women. Or, if you have what they want & are still trying to get, they may reassure you & let the matter drop. They will continue the con until they have the bird ( you) more securely bagged. That is, when youare lulled into giving him the money.

neverlookback's picture

disordered individuals

July 17, 2012 - 8:37pm — neverlookback

that continually ask this question is because THEY are the ones that cant be trusted - so as a result they trust NOBODY

Deidre99's picture

agree with this, too, nlb.

July 18, 2012 - 2:02pm — Deidre99

agree with this, too, nlb. all projection.