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and then after nearly after two years NC....
dudette
Member since:
2 years 8 weeks
2 years 8 weeks
Last activity:
7 weeks 3 days
7 weeks 3 days
and then after nearly after two years NC....
Posted July 17, 2012 - 11:12am
well I got this sms in the middle of the night:
"Hey peeps I have a new number and here it is" sort of thing. no name , no signature
I am half asleep here so I see there is no name and answer "great, who is this?"
reply: "love xxxx N"
Are you kidding me????? in the middle of the night after nearly 2 years just like that? Love xxxx??????
So I am actually furious. I did not reach the bit where I am glad he hoovered and I got the chance to ignore him ( which I did naturally of course...)I still cannot believe that he did that...
I am furious because how bloody dare he? And how come he still has my number and on some distribution list of "women who I can try it on with if I get bored/desperate"
So I ignored and then left my phone at home in case he tries again today.
What's worse, current living OW has been checking my Linkdin profile lately and I only checked that one out today. Something is up and somehow it is supposed to have something to do with me.
Believe me I don't like it one bit.....I don't care about any of them so whathever is cooking has nothing, nothing at all to do with me!!!!!
Of all the Ns in the world, I really thought this one was the one who would never ever come back....
© E. Scott Enterprises | Lisa E. Scott
We are not certified mental health professionals and this site and message board is in no way a replacement for professional therapy, legal or medical advice.
low level stuff
August 1, 2012 - 7:49am — dudetteSo now he is checking my linkedin account and he has approached one of my female colleagues by email asking questions about the job she does and whether he can attend some of the meetings that she chairs. She is my equivalent in another part of the county. I chose not to work in that area because that's where he is based...
What do you think - coincidence? Should I worry?
Thought he would have gone away by now - tell you what, I liked it better when he would not hoover....
Dx
Hey dudette! So nice to read
July 25, 2012 - 2:23am — JourneyHey dudette! So nice to read all your comments here to the newbies who are wrapping their heads around the fact that yes, narcs DO resurface for supply and NO, it isn't a compliment!
We surely don't need another ride on THAT roller coaster.
Great to see you are strong and determined to stay on the path forward!! xo
Journey on...
Journey
July 25, 2012 - 3:02am — dudetteThank you for this!
argh - I can see how many ladies here may feel completely invalidated by lack of hoover, it's like your life is on stand by for so long until if/when they re-appear and this is a cycle that is hard to break. The loneliness has been unbearable at times and I really feel for anyone in that position because I remember the hell of the battle between my willpower and I...
I did not feel validated at all by the hoover I got.I felt offended by the audacity of the toad, after all he has put me through, to just sms me like as if nothing had happened....
I mean, who does he think I am?
Anyway, still silent despite the baiting.
if/when he goes away it will be a bonus actually
Dxxxx
he's not given up yet....
July 24, 2012 - 5:01am — dudetteand now he is caught in person spying on my Linked in account.
I mean really...sigh of disbelief....
printed the page for evidence, this is nearly creeping me out.
Dudette
July 24, 2012 - 6:55am — Janie53Just remember who they are and more importantly, who you are. I can actually predict when a hover is coming my way. I love that I'm back in charge of me!
Stay true!
Janie
Terminal Uniqueness
July 21, 2012 - 2:42am — no more an echoDudette,
Thanks for posting this- I needed a laugh. (You would THINK you'd be 'safe' after 2 years!)
Another one of the funny things about NarcoPaths is that they think the are SO FREAKIN' ORIGINAL!
I have friends who are recovering alcoholics and they say that the 'unwell' suffer from 'Terminal Uniqueness'.
Terminally unique definition:
An alcoholic's idea that his or her 'uniqueness' exempts him or her from some part of the AA program or the Twelve Steps.
In the Narc's case, his 'uniqueness' exempts him from ALL of societies laws and rules.
Sorry you were hoovered but is it okay that I laugh about it? They are all so predictably insane!
NarcoPaths... I LOVE IT!
July 24, 2012 - 5:02pm — NarcbaitNarcoPaths... I LOVE IT!
Hi Narcbait
July 24, 2012 - 5:30pm — no more an echoGlad you like!
I call the freaks of nature NarcoPaths because it is difficult to distinguish from two very profound personality disorders. There seems to be so much overlap in behaviors and thought processes (and the lack or darkness of soul) between the narcissist and the psychopath.
I believe Robo-Boy to be more psychopathic- the charismatic church (read: cult) leader that he is.
NarcoPath just covers it all so nicely!
no more than
July 21, 2012 - 3:27pm — dudetteby all means laugh away, it is pathetic, I just cringe thinking about it.
I just thought I had one of those train wrecks ones who disappear for a lifetime so as he waited 35 years on the last one I though I am safe fopr a good 20 years with a bit of luck he'll be dead by then....
oh well....
TWO YEARS?
July 20, 2012 - 9:13pm — neverlookbackWell i didnt want to comment but mine came back after 23 years!!!!! of course 23 years back I did not know he was a psychopath. In any event we had a brief encounter 23 years back - Now mind you if he waits another 23 years we will both be pretty damn old to take off where we left off ha ha It ended strangely 23 years back - he went his way and I went mine but I did not think think a thing of it - of course I was younger and didnt lose as much as I did the second go round - but he was even odd back then - and had the same pattern, he had a GF and was messing around with me - mmmmm so NO they dont change - naturally he was younger and I thought he was not ready to settle down - When he entered my life 5 years ago he was 50 years old - but God the red flags were there, never married, had a series of women he was with through the years - and lo and behold had a GF and AGAIN wanted to be with me - mmmm do we see a pattern here? It took him 23 years to recycle me and to think I believed him when he said, I was the ONE, I was the long lost love he should have always been with - YA RIGHT
OMG NLB...
July 21, 2012 - 4:56pm — sweetpeasarahIcould have written exactly this post!! I first had an encounter with toad 22years ago, it was very brief (he was with his kids mum then) which is why i wouldnt continue seeing him. I really liked him back then, but being alot younger i let it go quite easily. Then 22 years later, having not seen at all in between, we met up again, and i was hooked in the first hour!! The rest is history. he was a cheat back then, I should have known that he would cheat again...they never change. And he said the same to me that yours did...that I was THE ONE, and he should have held onto me back then!!! As you say YEAH RIGHT!! My god..how similiar our experiences are!!
xx
It goes to show you
July 21, 2012 - 5:28pm — neverlookbackhow they dont forget the ones that were in their lives - years go by and pass and they can resurface 20 some years later - mine was a cheat and a liar back then too - but NOW he is 57 years old NO EXCUSES now, time gave me the answer to how he was disordered then just as he is now - what a loser and a total fraud
Neverlookback
July 21, 2012 - 1:51am — dudettethat is so true... after all he waited 35 years to recycle the current GF who was OW to me at the time ( well we were all OW to wach other, there was a third one and that those that I know about...)
Triangles
July 20, 2012 - 11:46am — goldieThey will drag in OS from years ago to make the current woman feel like crap during his D&D faze.
Mine once announced to me OUT OF THE BLUE, the ONLY woman I ever loved was Jenny.
WTF, who asked?
Guess what? Jenny was from 10 years ago and according to HER, he was not ALL THAT.
Narc Speak: He is in the process of D&Ding OW, so he drops a bomb to her, or a subtle comment about YOU. This is multipurpose for the Narc.
Keeps her jealous, feeling bad, and much easier to get her to comply while she is questioning herself over whether he "loves" you (OW) better than her.
He does this obviously to make her feel bad and secondly, to make himself LOOK GOOD. It's a great ploy, kinda kills two birds with one stone.
She feels bad AND he uses YOU as the scapegoat as to WHY he is such a dick with her. She most likely has been questioning him as to WHY he is such a dick and what better excuse.
Ding, ding, ding!!!
I never got over OW (YOU) so this is WHY I treat you (her) like crap.
NOW, this all get's him to thinking because of course it's a LIE, they don't LOVE anyone, and he says, why not contact HER (YOU) and see if she is willing to go another round so I can justify my bad behaviors AND get some NS (YOU) actually OS but new for now, and hurt HER (OW) and suck YOU into his happly little triangle.
It's a beautiful day in Narcville because THEN he gets to ultimately hurt both of you (if you take the bait) and feel like he has remained in control.
I bet he has a hard on right now just "thinking" about it.
And the beat goes on.........and on and on and on........
God bless,
Goldie
Goldie
July 20, 2012 - 12:43pm — dudetteyou gottit absolutely right and this translates into the reason why she has been spying on me lately. nice work....
Except of course I don't do triangles and when he tried it on me with this particular OW two years ago for the first time, I said fuck this I am off, been NC even since and never went back....
he has an attention span of 2 years max, it figures....
and I shall carry on doing so.....NC whatever....
so he can place his 2inch appendage at rest again.
So sad for the OW but she said she went into it with "her eyes open"...so her gig now really....left it all behind, husband, kids, job, house.....tragic waste ....
but not my problem so not getting involved many thanks
Thanks Goldie, Hunter and others, as always you are gems of inspiration and wisdom x
I can't believe he came back after 2 years !!
July 20, 2012 - 11:31am — indenialAt least you really can see it for what it is and aren't even tempted. I pray I have the strength to get there
You did the right
July 20, 2012 - 7:13am — greengirl91You did the right thing!
That`s what they do, that`s what they ALL do..playing games forever. They think if they got you once, they can have you as their "proprety" forever.
We just gotta keep the focus on US, enough with them.
Hunter
July 19, 2012 - 1:37pm — dudetteWhen I saw his pathetic text in the middle of the night and I shrugged in revulsion before pressing delete, I swear my first thought was for you....
You had always said this would happen!!!
and I did not believe he would. But always trust in Hunter because you know the truth, it sucks but will set you free. Ignore Hunter's advice at your peril people.
He tried to call me at 9am this morning and got nothing than sweet silence. Today my bosses at work kindly exchanged my phone for a new one with a new number. End of one way chat....NC all the way.
It did not feel good... still raging that he dared to wake me up to relieve his boredom or whatever....
I have been reading about the latest storm, it happens quite often some truths are hard to hear.....but are the truth neverthless...
NCNCNC people
Delete,Delete,Delete
July 24, 2012 - 3:57pm — HunterWahoooo..
And your silence said FUCK YOU !!!
Sweet revenge!!
Oxoxox
Hunter
Hunter
July 25, 2012 - 3:07am — dudetteNow, as you very well know, NC is not for revenge but for the restoration of our peace of mind ;-)
Which is why we do not look forward to be Hoovered...
But if he feels kicked in the teeth by the same token well what can I say, that's his problem .....
in the meantime I shall keep on deleting and NC.
Have I ever mentioned that NC is the best thing in the world?
Cos it is !!!!!
dudette, my sweet!!! Is this
July 19, 2012 - 1:54pm — spinningreally you!!!!
I am so PROUD OF YOU! Wow, the phone exchange is the ultimate F'YOU to that abusing, silent treatmenting, gaslighting, crazy-making disordered freak.
They have some nerve, but they are so predictable it's almost, almost funny. If it weren't so devastating what they do in our lives I'd actually find this hilarious. They're so pathetic!!!
I love this post, love that you did the work and actually made it! I am so grateful you came back to share this. It helps illustrate the TRUTH to all...these freaks think they're so special and unique...but really they're so predictable it's almost boring!
Love,
(not) spinning. NO WAY. NEVER AGAIN
Spinning :-) x x x
July 20, 2012 - 10:13am — dudetteHello my dear
Yes I still read a lot on this site and I would contribute more but actually you., Hunter and the mods do your bit so well there is little more I can say....
Gosh has it been a tough couple of years and lots of hard work. Thanks to this site and others, books, blogs, all the hard work that people have put in for our sake, I can smugly say that I kept NC and never went back. but then, in case anyone thinks it's been easy, it was not, I nearly died a thousand times at the beginning, got tested for HIV/STDs, lost weight, did not sleep, journalled 12 hours a day, kept a NC calendar in the kitchen, intrusive thoughts easily 19 hours a day, nightmares and good dreams ( which were so much worse)...
NC was wonderful and was a culling of toxic people generally, abusive parents and user friends....
Still now I can spot a narc miles off which is great as I have a job when seeing behind the surface with children and families is totally key. Bit of a rough training camp but hey, more in depth knowledge than a lot of social workers I know....
Anyway lovely, been seeing your posts and glad you are determined to not spin again!!!
Those NARCs are so pathetic and I now know that if he ever attempts at hoovering again then he is really a total and complete idiot.....and who would want to be in a relationship with that?.....
you and Hunter are so spot on, everything you said, all happended, textbook. sad and predictable....
Peace love and Zumba !
D XXXXXX
Oh boy...
July 17, 2012 - 6:47pm — NarcJunkieLooks like I got something to "look forward t" then if they might show up even after 2 years...WTH?
It's so difficult to constantly remind ourselves that they do NOT feel and behave like normal human beings... even though they're good at faking it.
Narcjunkie
July 20, 2012 - 10:24am — dudetteyeah don't look forward to anything cos it really does not make you feel good....
logistically it is an imposition what with having to get yet another sim card and a new number and transferring my contacts etc.....
apart fromn that it means really nothing....
Good luck in your recovery
Unbelievable, and pathetic!
July 17, 2012 - 12:34pm — Rising DawnJust be glad you have kept him out of your life and you are 2 years NC - that's awesome!
This just confirms to me again how disturbed and ridiculous they are, and so unbelievably childish. Seriously, they are from another planet!
Thanks for sharing.
Rising
July 20, 2012 - 10:14am — dudetteThank you, it means a lot...
One day you will get there too x
Hey, I'm glad it's been 2 yrs
July 17, 2012 - 12:28pm — HunterHey, I'm glad it's been 2 yrs for you!!
That exact same thing happens to me this past Christmas .. Marc the Narc # 1 didn't hear from him in years..
Boy did I want to tell him where to go .. I hit the delete button.. Two days passed he sent me another message Told me to go to Hell ..
Whatever .. Fight the urg .. It will go away !!
Hunter
Oh hunter
July 17, 2012 - 1:36pm — indenialI so wish I could just steal some of your f**k you attitude !!!
I used to have it !! Now I'm just a wreck !!
I want to say whatever and really feel it !!
Indenial
July 20, 2012 - 11:23am — dudetteyou have been there a long time, I remember your name when I was there myself quite some time ago...
What's slowing your progress down hun?
no actually don't answer that. I jhave just been following your latest thread....
Indenial you are just as your name says, in delinal - that's what slowing your progress down, looks to me like you are sabotaging yourself.
The outcome will never get better than this for you ID, unless you change the rules of the game
Good luck
Dx
Dudette
July 20, 2012 - 11:28am — indenialYoure exactly right. I've sabotaged myself time and time again. I just kept returning after every Hoover Only I was weaker everytime. Its been just over 4 weeks nc. Admitedly he hasnt hoovered but I'm doing all I can this time. Therapy. Anything I can do. Denial is my biggest problem. I have to think and concentrate 24 /7 to stop myself going back into denial. I'm acknowledging that I'm hopelessly addicted to him. Going to try and join the next support group too.
How are things with you then ? Have you got there ? I just want so much to see this for what it is without the denial. I just took more and more games betrayal and abuse. I think it would have killed me in the end if he hadn't discarded me this type. I do hope that I never see him again because I'm terrified
Indenial
July 20, 2012 - 11:42am — dudetteI just would like to give you a hug
The first 6 months were hell, I gave myself one year to get over this as a minimum. I knew this was the most traumatic thing ever.
Discipline with NC, journalling, thinking, better boundaries, a period of complete stillness and isolation, some loneliness, really terrible loneliness. Adjusting to time units to manage anxiety, a bit like in about a boy whe hugh grat has the day divided in units and he knows what happens when.
and if you read above I wrote something to spinning aong those lines. Therapy helped but only a bit. A lot of the work was me myself and I and for the first time the mirror was on me....and somerimes it sucked real bad....I could not tell who I was anymore, what I liked, nothing, all my sense of self had gone.
And now for the harsh bit. Hunter style. If you don't stick at this my lovely, you only fail yourself, you only let yourself down. Forget the ex and the N. They have a bubble of their own making.
This sad dependent person, this pathetic creature who comes crying ebcause every time they have contact they feel pain,you know, this is not you.
You, are better than this, you are worth something. You do not put up with his playground bully crap. you are a gorwn up woman, not a petulant 5 years old with a momma issue.
you deserve a man who is a real man. Not this twisted bollocks. IT does not deserve you.....
how bloody dare he?????
walk tall and be proud for today is the day that you say, bollocks to that!I am busy and important and I have no time for this crap.
Good luck sweetie x x x x